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You can't base your future marriage off of anybody elses. People are really good at hiding their problems and sometimes there is something so big that the couple just cant get over. She may be saying 3 weeks but it was probably building for a while. I know people who seem perfect and have gotten divorced and others who have had nothing but problems and got married and now they are completely happy. You can never tell. I wouldnt let this damper your future wedding. People are together 50 years and get divorced. This is one situation. You and your FI are totally different people. And if for some reason something happens in the future, I doubt you would regret the time you had together. You cant spend your time worrying. Life has surprises for all of us and we just have to take them as they come. You will be fine.
you never know what's going on in someone else's relationship; there was probably a lot more going on for a lot longer than you know. It may even have been that they got married to "fix" the relationship, who knows. Their relationship is completely separate than yours, don't let it bring you down.
I think that the notion of the "perfect" couple exists to us because we elevate them to some perfect status in our minds. But they're not perfect, they're human, and they're subject to human problems just like anyone else. It doesn't worry me when I see couples break up because that's them, not us.
They likely had problems before this, but just hid it well. Some couples are good about not talking about their problems with other people and hiding it. Likely it was a lot more than 3 weeks worth of issues.
I think it's normal to feel shaken. I, like you, am completely in love with my FI and he is my best friend. I am totally confident in our relationship. I think you just need to make sure that you are solid and communicating. It might seem that others are, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
As a 22 year old bride to be I have to say that stories like these make me sad as well. Hearing all of the statistics that basically tell us we won't last plus seeing it in situations like this really makes me scared about my future. I know I love my FH with all of my heart and I am ready to make a commitment for eternity, but clearly they had to have thought the same thing, right?
What usually makes me feel better is finding out from people who divorced exactly where they think the relationship went wrong. This helps me to identify possible problem areas and talking points with my FH. I think that if both people make a 100% effort into making it last, it will. But you have to make sure both parties are giving their all from the beginning.
that does really really suck. it probably was more then 3 weeks of problems. there was probably a ton of stuff going on before the wedding even but neither had the gusto to break it off before hand, that happened to a friend of mines ex-bf. It's kinds like you're so invested in it you keep going. Which of course is worse in the end, a divorce/annulement instead of a broken engagement
you need to be sure of where you and your FH are and not base it off of them. sorry about your friends though.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I really do appreciate your insights.
I just feel so sad for them, and I hope they both find a way to be happier when all is said and done. I am 100% ready to make a lifetime commitment to my FH, it's just that you never "know". And @charmedlife: you are completely right. I am grateful for every moment I have with my FH and always will be... he has helped make me who I am today :)
@Keisha... you are right, and I know my FH and I are already giving 100%. I know he is the kind of man who will always give everything he has. I think it is a little more unsettling for younger brides because we are constantly told we are too young to get married. I guess every relationship is unique though, and it is true that failure of one does not signify the failure of another. Thank you.
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I am posting as anonymous because my friends have asked that I not pass their news around and I fear someone will recognize my usual screen name. SORRY THIS IS LONG!
This is really just an emotional post, and I'd like to know where everyone stands on this. I am pretty sad about it.
To make a long story short, my FH and I are friends with a couple who were just married in December 2009. Prior to that they had been together since high school (they are mid-20s now), 7 or 8 years I believe. They were typical newlyweds after they got married -- super happy and in love. They already own a home together, have a dog, were talking about trying for kids in the next few months...
And then last night my friend tells me that for the last 3 weeks her husband has been living outside their home, and that they are getting a divorce. All i had heard were positive things from them on how their marriage was progressing, so I IMMEDIATELY assumed it was an early April Fool's joke, and they would reveal that it was all a big prank today. But I played along anyway.
Fast forward to today, I contacted her to ask how she was doing. She said she filed for divorce today. I didn't believe it, but again I didn't let her know that. A few minutes later she said "You know what's really f***ed up?" I asked what. And she told me that one of her friends, whose BF is close friends with the husband, will no longer talk to her because of the separation/divorce.
I knew she was telling the truth. I held out hope, but I checked facebook later on and saw that Old Friend had defriended Married Friend.
I am in complete shock. To be fair, I am not super close to this couple (the man is my FH's best friend so I know them that way), but they had never seemed like the kind of couple that would ever have to go through this. After being together for so long, and being engaged for TWO years, having a fabulous wedding and honeymoon... to throw everything away and file for divorce after just THREE WEEKS of problems? No counseling or professional advice or anything?
It really scares me. It makes marriage scare me. I honestly feel devastated, because I had so much faith in them as one of "those" couples. It just reminds me that maybe we never really, REALLY "know", even if we think we do. Maybe it's because FH and I are of similar ages, and we always hear "People change a lot after their 20s".
How do you guys handle situations like this? How do you ease the fears they bring?
Don't get me wrong, I love my FH with every piece of my soul and can honestly say he is my best friend in the entire world. But it still scares to me to think that somehow he or our relationship could change. Up until today I have been nothing but ECSTATIC about planning our wedding, but this new reality has dampened my spirits a bit :(