When the green monster rears it's ugly head…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Please cross reference my now closed thread “Should I Let This One Go Already?”…lol

I think what is good about this is how reassuring he’s being and that he encouraged you two to be FB friends.  I mentioned in my previous posts vilanizing or being suspicious of one of FI’s FB aquaintances but one day I friended her and I think she is adorbs.

And another point is, there was nothing going on between you guys when she visited that time.  So I would let that go.

He loves you, you are his right choice!  *hugs* 🙂

Post # 4
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Well, bad news is yes, that is crazy. Good news is that you’re aware that it’s crazy. That’s half the battle.

Emotions don’t make sense. That’s practically their job. You’re trying to do the logical thing, trying to see her as a real person. Now all you really know of her is that she’s the magical model looking ex. Hopefully seeing the real her will help you get over that. Just don’t obsesse about it. If you find yourself digging too far into her facebook page just back away.

Other than that just try to focus on all the great things about your relationship. Good luck 🙂

Post # 5
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m not gonna lie, I skimmed through your post. When My SO and I started dating, I remember him telling me about a girl he used to be heads over heals for (but not anymore). He showed me a pic of her and she really is pretty. She went to the same school I did and she was a few classes ahead. I thought that the things he did for her was sweet…

… and then I got a dream where he was to choose between me and her. In the dream, he was deadlocked. He couldn’t decide. After that, I hated the chick. I became her facebook stalker (yes I admit it). Eventually heard that she moved back here and was asking about me.

Then there was a time I met her at my hairdresser and we started chatting. She turned out to be really cool. Of course I acted like I knew nothing of her other than the fact that she went to my school. Shortly after, she added me on facebook and I would greet her if I met her real life. After chatting with her and seeing that she is cool, the jealousy melted away. 

Try to see what her personality is like. Don’t trust the dreams. My SO doesn’t even give 2 hoots about her anymore. I was more taken up with her.

Post # 6
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lalalyanne:  sorry but I don’t think facebook friending her will help the situation. It will only make you obsess over her more.  She isn’t a part of your life (or at least it doesn’t sound like it) so there’s no need for you to think of her in a good or a bad way.  She’s irrelevant.

It soundss like your fiance has very little if any contact with this woman. So, I don’t see what the issue is?  I think it’s time to realize how crazy this obsession with her is and let it go.

Post # 7
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

@lalalyanne:  I don’t think it was a good idea to add her on facebook. It is going to make you “obsessed” with her. In no way is that beneficial. im sorry, but it really isn’t good to facebook stalk your bf ex (or whatever she was) even seeing her statuses will make you cringe.

I think that night was a looonggg time ago before you and your finace were serious, you should probably let it go. I know easier said than done, but you do need to realize he chose to marry YOU! If he was giving you reasons now to be jealous, that would be different but it really sounds like he has been keeping his appropriate distance.

Post # 8
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m a little confused as to how he could attempt to excuse himself from your grilling him about her headache and him going to lay down with her because you guys weren’t dating at the time in his eyes, yet he can justify grilling you about the quickie joke which happened on the same day at the same time. If you weren’t dating then, why would he care about the quickie joke? That sounds like a double standard to me.

I don’t understand this statement: “it made me think about how I feel like he picked me as a back up so I said that I wasn’t his first choice. He said that neither was she, but I was the right choice.” Are you saying that he felt neither you nor she were his first choice, that there was yet a third person that he preferred instead of you and Jan?

This happened years ago but this girl still plagues you. Perhaps it is a trust issue you need to settle with yourself, and with your FI in general, not necessarily about her.

It’s funny how we resort to Facebook to have someone become real, isn’t it? I do think it was a nice gesture on your part to reach out. See what happens and good luck.


Post # 11
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@lalalyanne:  I think you should both move on from this chick. Why should you have to try so hard? 

Leave her in the past where she belongs.

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