Post # 1
My Fiance and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum. I act on emotion, impulse and am both feet in at once when I see a good opportunity whereas he is super cautious, questioning and drags his feet. We’re both admittedly too extreme in our thinking, but need to meet somewhere in the middle.
We saw a beautiful townhome that is potentially in our price range (need to crunch mortgage + taxes + HOA + increase in commute) and I was blown away by it. It supercedes anything I thought we could afford, the draw back being it’s not in the most idea location. It’s a good/safe area, just further out than we’d like. I have been drooling over the listing since yesterday, thinking of how amazing it’d be to have a space we could grow INTO rather than move in a few years and how since it’s a town home, we wouldn’t have to worry about maintenance since we’re both work and career oriented right now. The storage was incredible and it was completely turn-key for the acception of some minor updates which are a want not need.
I didn’t want to scare him with my excitement, but I’m very interested in pursuing next steps while I don’t think he is. I think he immediately ruled it out seeing as it made his commute less convenient. I don’t want to discount his concerns, but I don’t think an extra 15 minutes and a bit slower traffic should scratch it off the list. He didn’t seem as interested when we left as I was, like he could take it or leave it whereas I’m afraid the property will be TAKEN by someone else if we don’t look more into it! I don’t want to pressure him as it’s an immensely important decision, but if I leave it up to him we’ll lose a potentially great opportunity.
Anyone in this situation currently or in the past? How did you deal with it? This post is a vent more than anything, but I would love to hear from some people in similar situations, or even people who share my FI’s perspective! 🙂
Post # 2
My H and I are a bit like you. We are both rational and always think things through but I tend to be much more exciteable and optimistic where my H is more of a “realist” (read fuddy duddy). So I totally get how frustracting it is when your partner can’t share your enthusiasm.
I’ve found the best way to deal with this is to make sure all our ducks are in a row. I throw all of my enthusiasm into working out the details. Have I crunched ALL of the numbers? Can we comfortablly afford this? How will the extra 15 minutes commuting impact our daily lives? What will the cost be? Will it affect our social lives? It’s one thing to go from a 10 minute commute to 25, but another to go from 45 to an hour. How does it compare to other houses we’ve seen? How does it match up with our wish list? What is the neighborhood like? What are the schools like? What if we lose our jobs, can we still afford it? What’s the resale value? If we need to move across the country will we be able to do it easily? Can we grow into it? What is the HOA board like (some are really shitty)? Things like that. If you make a list, it’ll help.
I also have to remind H that it is a big decision but it is one we will eventually have to make so let’s keep calm and think it through.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
I act on logic, primarily, though I also have a bit of a brattish streak and tend to want things very intensely until I get them and realize they’re not as great as I thought (I usually refrain from admitting that, though :P).
I think that for as something as huge as buying a house, your FI’s attitude is the correct one. The house may be nice but do you want to jump into it without considering all the pros/cons? Before getting your heart set on it, I’d suggest having an independent inspection of the house done, consider the school districts if you plan on having children any time soon, and also the property tax rates. Is the area that you’d be buying in “up and coming” or on the decline (no offense, just thinking for resale purposes down the road)?
There are SO many factors that you may very well have considered but maybe you’ve overlooked others in the excitement.
For what it’s worth, I personally DO think that traffic and commuting can be a deal breaker. I lived in LA and commuted 5 miles because the rent was slightly cheaper – I committed to being in my car for an extra 45 minutes a day vs. if I’d taken the more expensive apartment closer to my office. I decided early on that it wasn’t worth it. The same held true when I moved into an expensive apartment in central London from the suburbs because I couldn’t stand wasting so much of my day on the train ride in/home.
I guess it depends on your priorities. I think that if you’re getting married, you should be able to openly discuss these things. If your excitement puts him off, maybe there’s more to his reservation than he’s letting on. Maybe the house you’ve looked at isn’t really what HE wants. You have to remember that as wonderful as something may seem, you’re a duo now. It can’t just be about what you view as a great opportunity, you need to both share in that optimism. 🙂
Post # 4
Buying a house is such a huge financial commitment that it is imperative to do the work ahead of time. Have the discussion about what you are prepared to compromise on. How long a acommute can you tolerate? How it will affect your lifestyle? Will it make a difference when you have children? Will you be able to pick them up from the daycare on time if you have the longer commute?
Make a spread sheet with all your “must haves” and “nice to haves” so that when you find something that checks off all the necessary boxes, you are prepared to act in a speedy manner.
Post # 5
RunsWithBears: Thanks for that perspective! I have a friend who lives in the complex that I’ve been directing a lot of questions towards. I feel like if I present his concerns with, “Well Jane said…” he’ll take that as I’m trying (or she’s trying) to persuade us so we can be near each other (which is a plus, but certainly not a deciding factor). I just respect her opinion on things as a resident.
Post # 6
BurlapnLace: I think 2 people agreeing on the same house is haaaaaaard. No advice, just an observation from my experience!!
Post # 7
RedHeadKel: Yeah, this is going to be a bit of a battle I think!! Not just for this property but the process overall lol.
Post # 8
BurlapnLace: I was in the same boat with my Darling Husband most of this year. I wanted to move to a bigger house and he wanted to stay where we are. But now that TTC is right around the corner, he is suddenly willing to look for a bigger place. As women, we tend to plan ahead more than men. Sometimes men need to see the train coming before they’ll move.
So, maybe you should bring up TTC! 😉 Just teasing.
Post # 9
howtobeawife: LOL I did mention how great it’d be that we wouldn’t have to get a bigger place once we started having kids. The place could comfortably house 2 small children, AND he’d still have his home office and workout space! It’s perect for now AND the future, as far as I’m concerned!
Post # 10
BurlapnLace: I am probably more like your Fiance. I am slow and logical about decisions. So, just for fun, here’s why I wouldn’t want to move on that place.
1. Location is the single most unchangable thing about any property you buy.
2. The cost of gas over the years can add up to hundreds of thousands of dollars, not compounded. So, the fact that it’s a little farther than we initially wanted, could over time cost a massive amount of money (especially when that difference could be invested).
3. The stock market is going up up up right now. It’s always better to buy during a crash, you can get more for the money by waiting.
4. Emotion has no place in real estate. You aren’t buying home and memories and future- you’re buying an investment. Wall colors can be changed, rooms can be added or remodeled, but the biggest factors are “will this appreciate? is the location where we want to be? is it in our price range?”