(Closed) When to ask my bridesmaids??? (2 year engagement)

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
46161 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would hold off for almost a year. You only have to read the posts here on wedding bee to see many tales of friendships gone awry before the wedding.

Both you and your friends will have lots of changes in your life circumstances in the next 2 years.

Post # 4
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I got engaged last July and will be getting married in 2012 (so a 24 month engagement) and made the mistake of asking one of my good friends to be a bridesmaid right after I got engaged. It’s not that I no longer want her to be a BM, but now she’s moved all the way across the country with a new job and a super busy schedule and it is looking like it’s going to be very very difficult to arrange for her to do all of the BM things. So I’m in kind of an awkward position (as I’m sure she is too) because it’s not really feasible anymore for her to be a BM, but I don’t want to tell her NOT to be a BM as I’m sure she doesn’t want to tell me that she can no longer handle the responsibilities of being a BM and we’re in this limbo of sorts.

Long story short, no matter how solidified your bridal party is in your mind, I’d agree with the PP and say wait a bit longer until it gets closer to the wedding…

Post # 5
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

While I know stories of BM relationships gone nutty in 1+ years; I think most remain friends during that time.

I would ask now, becuase if you don’t, your friends may think that you may not want them in your BP…

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I wouldn’t ask now. I know most people would have changed who they asked by the time the wedding rolls around in a year or less. I would wait until you’re about a year out. 

Post # 7
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with the pp’s, I would wait for possibly your own sanity. Plus it gives you time to think of everything by yourself, you may change mind on theme’s, color’s and everything else under the sun in that timeframe, I know I did (especially with a very tempting site like the bee with all this great info!).  I found it easier to think about it all myself, I can’t imagine if I told my BM’s everything that I wanted and changed it 20 times.  We are having 20-24 month engagement as well, I haven’t asked yet.  It’s given me an opportunity to really do my own research of what kind of wedding I want.

Post # 8
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@WolvLove: I think you should wait until it is 6-12 months before your wedding before asking anyone to be a bridesmaid. Not to dismiss the strength of your friendships, but simply that life circumstances may alter your decision to ask, or their decision to accept (family or work obligations, extensive health issues, etc.). Allowing a little more time to pass is considerate and wise, and a year is plenty of advance notice.

I don’t think you need to worry about whether or not your friends will think you’ve passed them over if you don’t ask them RIGHT NOW. They will understand that you have many other concerns and decisions to make before BMs even enter the picture.

Post # 10
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@WolvLove: wait a year atleast. I think you would have to be living under a rock to not know that there is always tension one way or another with a bridal party, between BM or between the bride  (i realize thats not the case for ALL wedding parties…but we all know its pretty true). I was only engaged for 9 months and I asked my BM’s right away..i wish i hadnt so nevermind TWO YEARS..alot can happen in that time, friendships move along, others get stronger, moving, jobs, money etc….way way way to much can happen in two years.

 

I know you are super excited and would like to ask people right now…but dont do it. WAit until the one year mark.

Post # 11
Member
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would wait a while before asking them.  Although it’s really exciting to ask them right away, I would just wait at least 6 months or longer, so you have a lot of time to think about things and make sure you want that size bridal party/wedding.  Yes, they’ll probably wonder about it, but they’ll still have plenty of time to plan for all the events and save money.

We’re having a 21 month engagment.  I asked my bridesmaids when we were 16 months out, so it was still early.  Now we’re less than 8 months away and everything has been fine so far.  The only thing I noticed was that they while they were excited when I asked, they kept saying it was SO far away…That kind of annoyed me. 

Post # 12
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it depends on your relationship with your prospective BMs.  I had one of my sisters and one of my husband’s sisters, so we had no worries about asking them too early.  My third BM was my best friend of 8 years who introduced us; again, I had no worries that there would be a falling out of any kind.  If I was asking other friends that I was less close to, then 20 months out might have been too long, since your friendships do change.  But for us, it was fine (we asked ours 17 months before the wedding).

Post # 13
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

WAIT! This will help you avoid or at least, postpone drama. Just enjoy being engaged for a while:)

Also, if you tell them that you aren’t picking your bridal party yet and if you ask them to be bridesmaids at around the same time, they will not feel like after thoughts:) good luck!

Post # 14
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Agreed. Enjoy your engagement!

Reduce drama and keep the future BM’s happy… 2 years early may be annoying depending on how demanding you are/expectations ๐Ÿ™‚

You can express interest or talk wedding with your girlfriends but I wouldn’t ask for promises just yet.

Post # 15
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Like everyone else is saying, wait! I don’t care how good your friendships are, there is something about weddings that makes friendships change, seriously.  All my girls have been friends for years, but some of them have changed over the last year once this wedding stuff started.  Not to mention drama between them.  friendships do change quickly.  Take sometime to think about which girld are reliable and which you want around in stressful situations.  Also, think about what girls might be busy, and adjust your expectations.  Remember, no one cares as much about the wedding as the bride does.  Thats my 2 cents.

Post # 16
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m getting married in two years as well (and was in the same boat!)

I felt I asked my bridesmaids too early (about a month after I got engaged on my birthday in November 2010). We are all in college, some are already finished, others are working–and I realized how I’m not very close to them anymore. They all played an important role in my life at different times and I think was too overly excited, I kind of chose on impulse if that makes sense.

I ended up asking 6 girls. Not to mention, I have two maids of honor (my sisters) and we’re having a courthouse wedding in Santa Barbara, CA. I decided to keep only my sisters in the wedding party. My fiance is only having two best men, too (a very close friend and his youngest brother). Our wedding will consist of about 20-25 guests, so it made sense for us to keep it short and sweet. We don’t really want a huge wedding–just a handful of our closest loved ones (plus, it helps keep the cost down). 

I began to feel a bit overwhelmed. We are just growing up and going our separate ways–natural and sad part of life, sigh. I’ve never had “best friends” before, I mean, I’ve ahd one or two in the past but none so far in college. My fiance is my best friend, and that sort of helped me out with the whole bridesmaid thing. They all understood when I told them we weren’t ready to commit to having a large wedding party. I wrote them a letter with a photo of my fiance and I apologizing and thanking them for the honor of their love, support, and friendship. I’ve only heard back from one girl who was incredibly sweet, mature, and understanding about it. I’m not sure about how the others felt, but I think they fully understand.

So, in your situation, it’s good you haven’t acted yet. I would personally yake some time and think about it before you commit. If you’re ready to, then go for it! ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s your wedding and you can do whatever you please. Having bridesmaids is SO much fun. But personally, if I had to do it all over again, I’d wait another year. That way, they can be given the heads up if they need to save money for their dresses, plan for your bridal shower, etc. I would say a year is much better than six months, but whenever you’re ready, that’s your decision ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy planning, I’m sure you’ll make the best decision that works for your fiance and you–whether that’s asking them now, a year later, six months later, etc.

Best wishes, fellow Bee! And congrats! ๐Ÿ™‚

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