- 3 years ago
- Wedding: January 2010
Hi Bees, I am 29 weeks pregnant and I’d love some advice!
DH and I are both Jewish. My family is not religious at all, and neither are DH and I. However, his family is very religious/traditional.
In the Jewish religion, it is tradition that if you have a boy, you have a bris (circumcision ceremony) exactly 7 days after the birth. Traditionally, this takes place at either the new parents or grandparent’s home. Family and friends are invited, gifts are brought, food is served…etc.
DH and I have decided that we do not want a bris. If we have a son (we’re Team Green, which complicates my dilemma even more), we want the circumcision to be done in the hospital and we don’t want any sort of formal gathering after the baby is born.
I know this news will come as a huge blow to DH’s parents and grandparents. Like I said, they are all about tradition, and they are probably very excited to host their family and friends at a bris if we have a boy. I didn’t want a bridal shower and it was months and months worth of begging and pleading from my MIL to have one so she could celebrate my marriage with her friends. I still refused to have one, and I know there are still lingering hurt feelings.
So, now the advice. When do we break the news to my ILs that this is our plan? Some things to consider:
1) If I tell them nowish, it gives them time to come to terms with it before the baby is born, but it also gives them 11 weeks to give us push-back and grief
2) If i wait until closer to my due date, it may be less drawn out, but it could tarnish the last month of my pregnancy and cast a bit of a shadow on the birth. I really don’t want to be 36+ weeks pregnant and in a disagreement with my ILs
3) If we wait until after the baby is born, we will know the sex so it may not be an issue at all, but if it’s a boy, it will definitely cause drama in the first 7 days of the baby’s life, which I desperately want to avoid. I want this to be a happy occasion, no drama!!!
When would you have the discussion?
P.S. – This is NOT a debate about circumcision or religious tradition. Please do not turn it into one