When to "invite" people to be in the wedding party?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1248 posts
Bumble bee

a ton of people will tell you to wait til at least a year out, if not 6 months. Personally, i already asked my Bridal Babes (better name than bridal party for my girls lol) and my wedding is the week before yours. I also only asked 4 girls- 4 girls that i know i’ll still want by my side 16 months from now. THAT’s the big thing you need to worry about- dont worry about the timing with the STD’s. Also, FI hasnt even fully picked out his groomsmen… he just knows he wants 4. So i went ahead & asked my girls lol

Post # 4
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would wait until about 9 months prior to the wedding date.  A quick search of the boards will reveal an incredible amount of drama that could have easily been avoided if they had waited to select wedding party members.  

Enjoy being engaged.  When people ask about plans, including the wedding party, just say you’re enjoying your time together and haven’t decided/made plans/etc.


Post # 5
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@DrKaz:  I see this is your first post – WELCOME.  I asked my sisters right away.  My friend J I asked before STDs went out but after the date was set.  My friend M I asked after STDs went out (I wanted to wait until I saw her in person at the end of the summer) – we sent STDs out about 9 months in advance. The 2 girlfriends I asked have been friends with me for 10+ years – these aren’t new friendships or people that I am remotely concerned will ‘disappear from my life’


Post # 6
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

More details are needed.  A lot of people here say not to ask anyone to be in your wedding party prior to 6 months out.  This can cut down on drama, but I don’t particularly like it as for me, that doesn’t seem like enough time to get things ready.  There are alot of other factors around your wedding that will impact when you ask people. 

Save the dates and notices to your wedding party have nothing to do with eachother, so should be thought of as seperate things.

As far as when to ask your wedding party here are some factors to think of;

1. If you are having a destination wedding where you expect people to ask off time and pick up thier own bill, you should give them at least a year notice, so they can ask off time and start saving.

2. Know when you have to have people’s attire ordered by, and/or what you are doing for attire.  If you know the designer that you are looking at takes 9 months to deliver, you need to ask your girls 10 months out.  If you are doing the choose your own dress route, you may need to give girls more time too, as some will drag their feet.

3.  What do you expect out of your wedding party?  If you only want people to show up in a pretty dress and party with you, you can wait longer.  If you would like (not demand, would like) help address invites, and a shower, and a bachelorett party, ask them sooner so they can prepare these events (if they want to.)

Post # 7
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@DrKaz:  We don’t do STD’s here, but I would invite them BEFORE you send them.

I had a little get together (sort of a BBQ) and we said each person why we wanted them with us, it was simple, sweet and amazing :D. 

Post # 8
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@DrKaz:  I say at least a year out. Things change, friendships change, people move away, etc. I would ask around the same time as sending the save the dates.

FH asked his groomsmen about a year out. I am slowly sending my “Will you be my Bridesmaid?” boxes as I finish them. 

Post # 10
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@DrKaz:  I asked all 6 of my girls over about a month long period soon after I got engaged, like within a month. FI also asked his then too. I was too excited to wait lol.

Post # 11
6173 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

as soon as i booked my venue and had a date, i asked my girls.

i had a 8 month long engagement, asked the girls 2 weeks later.

i didn’t send out STDs until 6 months before.

Post # 12
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I already asked my girls as soon as i got engaged because there was no questions as to who my BMs and MOH would be! As for the STDs, I’m sending them out in January even though I’m getting married in August because I know a lot of people go on vacation around that time since I’m getting married on the Labour day weekend and I would like it if they have early notice to make a decision.

My fiane though, did take his time in asking who to be is GMs.  He thought about it for about a month and asked then.

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