(Closed) When to let a bridesmaid go……

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5967 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Hcrab81:  I’m sorry your upset, but this is pretty vague…can you give an example so we know what we’re dealing with before we offer any advice?

Post # 5
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Hcrab81:  i was going to say the same thing what specifically has she done to upset u. a very similar thing happended to me with my now ex best friend. i cant see how we could possibly fix the friendship now. i had to keep asking her for anything to do with the wedding, bridesmaids dress etc with hardly any response, i realise she was upset too that shes with a dickhead who hadnt proposed at that stage & was too wrapped up in him to be happy for me. we never officially said ur not in the bridal party or im not coming etc it just got so awkward she kept puting off getting her hotel flights & dress until she snapped that she didnt have the money cos hes chronically unemployed cos hes lazy & that was it i never wrote back til one week before the wedding & she blamed me for it & i blamed her.


im so glad she wasnt there she wouldnt have helped or have been interested & to have to c photos of her in my wedding wouldve ruined the photos. if u know the friendship is over get rid of her! tell her honestly shes wrecking this happy time for u & say u expected as ur oldest friend that she would be so happy & supportive of u etc. shes only interested in herself. u need to focus on the people who r happy for u

Post # 6
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Let her go if you are ready to lose her with a friend and deal with that loss before your wedding.

Post # 9
3340 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island


It’s pretty much never okay to un-make someone a bridesmaid.  It will destroy your relationship with her.  If you feel that the relationship is already over though, then there’s absolutely no point in her standing in your wedding anymore.

As for the part about her bringing a stranger, she gets a +1.  Why does it matter if you know him or not?  I don’t know half the plus ones coming to my wedding, and they’re people that they’re in a serious committed relationship with.  But they live out of state, so I’ve never met them before.  That part shouldn’t matter.

It takes two people to be friends.  If you’re trying and she’s not, the friendship will fail.  I’d call her and straight up ask her, “Do you want to be my friend anymore?  Because it really doesn’t feel like it.”  I had to do this with my best friend a while back, and she was really taken aback.  She had no idea I was harboring hurt feelings and now we’re great friends again and she’s my Maid/Matron of Honor.  It could turn out well for you too.

Post # 10
5967 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Hcrab81:  It is useless to push a cart sideways, if she’s not into this, she’s not into it…and wishing will not make it so.  Save yourself the trouble, and the drama and just leave her alone.

Post # 11
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsTVLover:  +1

OP – While I agree you have been accomodating (affordable dresses, already owned shoes, etc), it’s unreasonable to expect everyone to be goo-goo-ga-ga over your wedding, ESPECIALLY from a distance.

According to you she has “taken no interest” and didn’t respond to the picture of your dress… not that big of a deal to me.  I was SO excited about my dress so I started showing everyone and most people were “meh” about it.  It’s your special day, your dress… most people won’t respond with the same excitment you have!  Also, her date is her choice.  She lives far away so who could she bring that you would know and approve of?  She didn’t apologize when declining the shower invite?  Again, no big deal in my book because I don’t think she owes you an apology… it’s not feasible for her to travel for a 3 hour shindig.  Why be sorry?

I don’t know, based solely on the examples you provided, I don’t think you can ask her to step down without permanently damaging your friendship.  Given you’ve been friends for so long, are you willing to do that over your wedding?

Post # 13
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Hcrab81:  I think you ‘know’ when you no longer want to be friends with the person and want to end the friendship.

FWIW, I don’t think anything you’ve described makes her ‘un-friend worthy’.  Her weaseling out of expenses is uncalled for… and it sounds typical for her… so, it’s not all the ‘shocking’ behavior.  If anything, it sounds like you expected her to all of a sudden change and be the supportive friend you wish she was… and she’s just being herself.

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