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I would wait until after the deadline has passed. Some people might have just put them in the mail recently.
i am going through the SAME THING! i have already been bugging people though.... :(
You can do a friendly reminder email notifying them the deadline is xxx date and that you would love for them to participate in this wonderful/joyous ocassion. Then wait a week after the deadline to give them that dreaded death threat phone call to see what's up.
Our deadline is in 3 days (May 1st) and there are still a lot of people who have yet to respond. I'm going to wait for the deadline to pass before I start bugging people. As a guest, I'd be mildly annoyed about being put on the spot when I still have time to send a timely (per your deadline) response.
But then, I always RSVP and I always do it on time. I realize that some people are rude or forgetful and don't ever bother to RSVP, so I don't know what the solution is.
if people dont rsvp and u cant get a hold of them do you assume theyre not coming?
Ugh we are in the same boat.. RSVP's are due in 3 days (may 1st) and there are still 23 missing!! I will NEVER be late in responding to an rsvp EVER again.. it is sooo frustrating! On May 2nd I'm giving a list to FI's mom for his side of the family, and I'll be emailing/calling the rest from my side.
I would assume if you can't get ahold of someone after trying a few times that they are not coming. And if they do, they are extremely rude!!!
You can remind people when you see them in person, talk them on Facebook, etc. - like weave it into a conversation rather than contacting them for that sole purpose. After the deadline passes, then it is perfectly acceptable to call people and ask them point blank if they will be coming.
@alishadhs4: If you absolutely cannot get a hold of them, I would tentatively assume they aren't coming, but some people just show up so you should brace yourself for that possibility. We know it will probably happen but they will just be embarrassed as they won't have a personalized favor or assigned table!
My RSVP is May 1st as well, and I'm missing 30 responses for 68 people! I'm very annoyed. And I got ZERO RSVPs today. ::sigh::
I would wait until you actually hear back before going to your b-list. Today, I got some comments like "oh, you're RSVP is in my couch. I'll send it tonight" and I just ask "are you coming? just let me know now!"
@alivoo01: LOL! I'm not waiting a whole week to make the phone call/death threat. If I don't hear from people by May 5th, I'm emailing/texting/calling on May 6th!
My venue coordinator is requesting a preliminary headcount on our May 7th meeting.
If I can't get a hold of people, then I'm assuming they're a no-go! Sorry, after May 5th, it's no more Miss Nice-Bride! 
I would actually wait a couple days AFTER the deadline date. We had about five or six reply cards come in because people mail them right on your deadline date ... and I didn't want to seem like I was harassing people.
But, after those couple days had passed, I had no qualms about being pushy :)
Don't bug people until after the RSVP deadline. The deadline is there for a reason, and you will likely get RSVPs back at the last minute and even a few days after. Start making your calls the Friday after the 5th (that gives you two days after the deadline). You don't want to annoy your guests lol. I have a B-List too (as bad as they are lol) and that's why we are sending out our invitations at the 10 week mark, and I know we will have people that won't send something back so we will have to make calls as well. Hope this helps!
I would wait about 3 business days after your deadline to start contacting people. If they dropped the RSVP in the mail on the date it was due, it may take a few days to show up.
I am possibly the most impatient person in the entire world. Maybe the entire universe. When we first started dating, my fiance would always wait until the absolute last possible second to return RSVPs, and it would drive me crazy! You're either going or not going - respond! I'm now in charge of returning RSVPs.
With all that said, even I would wait until after the RSVP deadline to start hounding people. Granted, I would only wait until a day after the deadline, but I'd still wait 
My RSVP by date is tomorrow, and there's still 30 invitations floating around. We're going to start calling and emailing on Monday. Most of the people left are distant relatives, so I'm hoping they're all no's.
I am going with the "wait until a few days after" it's totally frustrating, and I so want to know right now, but I figured I would give 3 business days after so that if people mailed it on the deadline, I gave them some time. I made it kind of early on purpose.
I also made our RSVP date early on purpose. We had decent RSVP rates, but the worst offenders are our college age (about to graduate like us) friends who have never done this before. Not to mention, everyone's life is in transition so some of them just honestly don't know if they can make it yet, or how they'll get there. That's fine, but we appreciate at least being updated on the situation! It's interesting sometimes being the "learning experience" for wedding etiquette among our friends...
We waited until the day after the deadline to start bugging people.
I bugged my friends with 1 email about a week before the deadline. I wouldn't have asked the older guests (who would've been offended, probably), just my friends who I knew wouldn't care. I phrased it as "we need to get the caterer some info, so if you could send in your RSVP, or just let me know whether you're coming, sooner rather than later that would be great." I got responses from everyone, so I think it was a good trade-off even though it was probably bad etiquette.
I made my deadline two weeks before I actually needed it so I would have a buffer to start contacting people after the deadline but before I had to let the caterer know my numbers.
I voted for the "wait until the deadline" option, but you could call people just to say "hi" and then work it into the conversation to see if they have decided to come or not. This is assuming you're close enough to the people you invited to just phone them without it seeming odd (maybe wait on those second cousins until the deadline passes).
Thank goodness I'm not the only one going through this...
My deadline is tomorrow, and I'm waiting on 46 RSVPs from 92 people... for real? And most of the offenders are my family... ARGH! Curse people's poor manners!
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Hi bees,
So we're exactly one week from our RSVP "deadline" (we set it for May 5th). Do you think it's bad form to start bugging some people about getting in their responses? I'm only asking because I'm pretty sure that some people will NOT be able to attend, and they're just diddle daddling with responding! I'd like to know FOR SURE so I can send out some "B list" invites soon. Is this really bad of me? Please advise... what did all the married bees experience?