when to start TTC? husband and I disagree

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry to say, but the “right” time is when you BOTH agree it’s time…I know it sucks to wait when you feel you’re ready, but it’s really important you’re both on the same page.

Post # 3
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Sit down with some wine and have the timeline discussion and lay all the goals on the table (debt, buying a bigger place, etc)

We did this and ended up agreeing (over two years ago) on when we wanted to do a lot of things, including TTC. I’m 34 and we got married in August. I think I might have wanted to try right away, but he wanted to wait until we start the process of moving to another state, so we agreed on Feb 2015. It was much easier for me to wait once I knew when we were going to start, and I think he likes knowing because it gives him a lot of time to get used to the idea.

Waiting hasn’t been so hard now that I know for sure when we’re going to pull the goalie – and we decided this back in Feb of 2013 so it has been a lonnnggg wait.

Post # 4
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Some advice I was given before I got married was to enjoy the first year of marriage, just the two of you.

 

So I say give it a year and then revisit. Then, as PP says, if your DH is onboard, go for it.

 

(The prudent part of me says, pay off your debts so stick to your 3 year plan)

Post # 5
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

sara_tiara:  I agree.

Plus, I kind of agree with your husband. Chilling out as a married couple for a while, and getting yourself debt free is an excellent idea. Not many people have that luxury, and getting rid of debt as fast as possible is the way my FI and I operate, so I might be a little biased. 

Not only that, but I can tell you from experience, moving while pregnant is NO FUN. Moving with a toddler is NO FUN. (I moved while pg, then moved 2 years later. It was AWFUL) 

AAlso, because this is important to mention, if your husband wants to wait a bit, that should be reason enough. It sounds like the two of you have so much going for you, and you’ll be excellent, responsible parents. Waiting is not going to change that. 

To pass the time, I would suggest date nights, maybe small vacations here or there, and just enjoying your husband in general 🙂

Post # 7
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I hate to say it but one great advantage of being a Catholic and not using contraception is that the decision is made for you when you get married !

Post # 9
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

S-Bride:  yeah, that’s a weird thing to say. Some people (Catholic or not) don’t like to leave it up to chance. Some (most) responsible people actually like to plan and prepare. 

Post # 10
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I definitely suggest enjoying the first year of marriage. Especially since you are only 24. 

Post # 11
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

future.mrs.koban:  Being ready for a baby isn’t all about being financially ready. Obviously something is holding your husband back, and since it is partly his decision too, you should give it some time. If he hasn’t given you a reason besides “not right now” you are definitely entitled to ask him for more calrification, but if he just isn’t ready because he doesn’t want to responsibility yet or because he does want to wait for a house, then try to find something to occupy your time and give the discussion another visit later on. Maybe even discuss a time when it would be appropriate to bring it up again.

Post # 12
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

If you JUST got married, and JUST finished school, I’d definitely give it a year or so.  Take time to get used to your new, married, post-school life.

If its feasible, see if there are ways to make the debt reduction faster?  My DH and I had a monthly debt payment in our budget which would’ve paid it off in 5 years, but we also took roughly half of any gift money (including wedding gifts) and dumped it into the debt, and I also took a second part-time job for awhile so my whole extra paycheck could go to it.  We got it down in a year that way.  It was rough and not fun, but we decided to push for it since even paying it down in 5 years instead of the recommended 10, we were going to pay an extra 7k in interest (damn student loans!)

Post # 13
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

future.mrs.koban:  One bee said something brilliant in a previous post somewhere that I absolutely loved, “It takes two people to have a baby but it takes only one person to not have a baby.”If your husband isn’t ready, he isn’t ready. Pushing him won’t make him any more ready; it will just create tension.

Also, I think your husband is right — there is no reason to rush. You have time to save up, travel, pay off debt, etc and you are so young! You should take advantage of all that and wait a couple years! Trust me though, I understand how freaking hard waiting is. I have wanted a baby basically since we got married two years ago (I was 24) and we are just now expecting our first. S/he will be born exactly on our 3 year anniversary.  I think it was great to “get used” to being married, iron out the kinks in our relationship, travel, save up a ton of money and get more settled in our careers.

I also suggest that you sit down and discuss common goals and that you set a hard timeline that you both agree to! Compromise. Once I knew when we could TTC, I felt better. Side note, after waiting 2 years out of originally planned 4 year wait to TTC, my husband got the itch and we did end up TTCing so there’s always that 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

future.mrs.koban:  

I don’t dispute that many Catholic couples use contraception, but even they would I’m sure admit that the Church teaches against it (although it does allow couples to use Natural Family Planning if they have a reason to avoid pregnancy).  So of course it is a matter of choice, but if you follow Church teaching the choice is made for you.

Post # 15
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

future.mrs.koban:  I understand how you’re feeling. 100%. Wanting a baby-for real wanting a baby, not just loving the idea of being parents one day-hit me about two months after our wedding last December. It was tough because DH originally thought we’d wait two years after marriage before trying. When we talked, and I suggest calmly and removing emotions, and I clearly explained how I felt, we compromised on a year (starting July 2015 after being married just over 1 1/2 years). However, due to some new plans, we may be starting January or February 2015 at just over a year married. I will be glad at that time that we waited because life changes quickly, but I understand how hard and how emotionally tied we can get to the idea. DH wants a baby so bad, but unlike me, the thought doesn’t pop in his head every day like it does me. If he’s not ready, then I would have your talk and then agree to bring up the topic again in X amount of time to see where you’re at. Good luck!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors