(Closed) When we have an arguement and if I start to cry…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh honey, I have no idea what you should do! Sometimes the waterworks just starts to flow whether we want it to or not when heightened emotions are involved. That is not a fair response on his part, assuming your tears are genuine. If I don’t try to keep myself in check I know I can start crying at the littlest things.

I can see if tears are forced or encouraged to play the “pity me” card it can be pretty obvious what you’re doing. He might think that you have the ability to have more control over your emotions and just aren’t exercising restraint. But still, he’s not being constructive at all with that comment. I would suggest trying to steel yourself and hold back the tears as long as possible while having a mature and effective discussion on what the real reasons were behind your disagreement. It sounds like he already knows he’s completely wrong with commentary like that, but I think he does mean it. He should exercise restraint against saying destructive sh*t like that. 

Post # 4
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

That’s not really a fair response imo. I cry at the drop of a hat lol, even if I’m trying really hard not to. He may think you’re turning on the waterworks purposely to try and get your way or something.

I think you should sit down and talk with him about this (not during an argument though).

Post # 5
3142 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sure its just his off the cuff way of expressing his extreme discomfort over seeing you cry, but it’s a bit harsh.

I second talking with him over dinner or while driving or some other non-combative way

Post # 6
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

That is so wrong!  This is the man who is suppossed to be your safe place to fall.  That makes me sad for you.  Is he really young?  Are you sure he is ready for marriage?

Post # 7
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

oooo – im so sorry! he should not be handling the situation that way..he is supposed to be your rock, i dont care what the situation is that is making your cry. im such a crier – always…even when we arent fighting.

i hope he comes around, some people dont know how to deal with tears…but im so that person that cries – and i wouldnt consider it “whiney BS” because crying and whining is different.

my parents never had to really punish me as a child, whenever they would yell at me i would burst into tears and hide in my room, i always felt bad for whatever it was and i think that was punishment enough for me haha.

Post # 8
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

that is rather harsh of him. I cry too sometimes over silly things that I can help!

Post # 9
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

guys handle emotion so much differently than girls. they don’t understand our emotional reactions to thinks. when arguments begin–they just want to solve the problem or walk away from it. they don’t necessarily have an emotional reaction to it. it’s hard for them to deal with our tears. sometime when you guys aren’t arguing, sit him down and tell it how it makes you feel when he says that to you. talk about the way you deal with emotions, and how he has to try to understand that you are very different and deal with arguments differently….maybe he will do better next time!

Post # 10
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

That’s a really belittling, unkind thing to say, and completely unacceptable.

If he doesn’t mean it he should keep his trap shut.

Post # 11
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am so angry for you right now. First of all, an argument is a perfectly acceptable time to cry. Second, he should view your crying as a sign that his fiance is unhappy, not some inconvenient “bullsh*t” that he has to deal with.

I’m with the other girls on this one. You have to tell him to cut it out. And not asking for him to pretty please try a little harder to remember that you don’t appreciate that. You need to tell him to KNOCK. IT. OFF. When he tells you that he doesn’t mean it, you fire right back with, “Then don’t say it. It’s hurtful.” You’re allowed to have feelings, and you’re allowed to let those feelings ooze out of your eyes once in a while. I’m sure he’s a lovely guy the rest of the time, but this kind of thing is just not OK.

Post # 12
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If he doesn’t mean it but continues to say it the problem is his… Tell him he’d got to start thinking about what he says before he speaks.

Post # 13
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My Darling Husband says the same thing. But I also say things to him that even it out when we fight…

Post # 14
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Wow… how I’ve been in your shoes! Truth of the matter is NO man or ANYone for that matter should belittle and verbally abuse someone like that. I would make some very clear boundaries very quick, seek outside counsel, and if it doesn’t change… and I mean his heart on the matter, not just the action…. then you should leave. I can almost guarantee that it will get worse…. an abuser is just that and without a true change in his heart that’s what he’ll continue to be.

As for the not meaning it…. the truth is what’s in the heart is what comes out of the mouth…. and you can’t take your words back so it’s important to keep your heart right so you don’t damage someone you care about. It’s a lousy excuse at best & you need to put your foot down and tell him so.

Now I don’t mean get in his face and bite back, but very simply “I’m not cursing at you so I would appreciate it if you would stop”… “if you don’t stop I’m not going to continue this conversation with you”… “I’m sorry but since you’re not stopping I’m leaving the room”.. and so on

I was in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship and ultimately left it… The quotes I gave you are the same things I’ve said in the convos we’ve had since I left (we have a child together to not talking to him his not an option) I can honestly say that doing this in this form and calmly helped and it’s very rare that he gets like that anymore… if for no other reason than he knows I won’t continure in the converstation.

Start doing what I put above and it will atleast help strengthen and redeem your esteem… I will definitely be praying for you b/c I know it takes the grace & strength of Jesus to do what you’re in the place of having to do 😉

Post # 15
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That is just cruel. He needs to stop that and see your crying as your emotions and not whining. 


Post # 16
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

perhaps he was perviously in a relationship where the girl tried to control him with tears? I know that doesn’t make it right, but  i think getting to the root of the problem is the only way to solve it.  there must be a reason he’s so hard on you about crying. 

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