(Closed) When wedding events conflict with other events

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Tough situation, and maybe this comes across in a very insensitive way, but birthdays happen every year and weddings and showers often only happen once a lifetime (well in your case you will have 2 showers, so twice).

Will the timings definitely overlap? Can you make it to the bday party late or leave early? How old will her son be? Are you even that close to the son/will he notice your absence?

I understand she is upset, but she is clearly overreacting.


Post # 4
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I agree, she overreacted. Especially as it sounds like she gave you a couple of dates back in November, but hadn’t updated you as to which date it was going to be. I guess you could have checked with her first, but if only one date worked for your Future Mother-In-Law that would have been a waste of time anyway. Possibly you will be able to do both – children’s birthdays where I’m from generally only last a couple of hours and if it was in the morning and the shower in the afternoon and they were located near each other, that would work. But yes she overreacted and I’d be feeling attacked and sad about it too. Sorry 🙁

Post # 5
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I can see both sides.  From her standpoint, she gave to tons of heads up on the date.  And from her standpoint there may be no need to have two showers.  You’re basically “calling” the month of May.  Plus your Future Mother-In-Law DID have a choice to throw the shower in April, she CHOSE not to.  So I understand why she got upset, it seems like you basically took up the entire month of May, and all she asked for was one day to celebrate her life too.  Try not to be too hard on her, she doesn’t sound like an unreasonable person, she just sounds like she was frustrated.

Post # 7
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Why can’t you have your shower the same day as her kid’s birthday party and then go to both?  Showers are usually a couple of hours and kids birthday parties are a couple of hours too.  Surely you can do one in the morning and one in the afternoon. 

I’m going to a bachelorette party for a friend a couple of hours after one of my showers is over with. 

Post # 8
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Any reason not to have the shower in April? 

Post # 10
1566 posts
Bumble bee

@aebeling – That makes sense. I don’t think you should have said no to the shower. The best you could have done for your friend is try to make sure the shower is before or after the party, and be really nice and apologetic to her. If she still freaked out about it, I don’t think it’s your fault at all. Honestly, if he’s 3 years old, he’s not going to miss you being there! 

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