Post # 1
Okay, so I apologize in advance for this post. This is going to be a little bridezilla-y, trust me I am aware of this. But I need to vent and have no one to vent to. So, here goes:
Throughout my wedding planning process I feel like everyone has been trying to make it about themselves. For example, the other day I had a BM tell me that she wants to make sure her FI gets a good seat at the ceremony because he is so excited to see her walk down the isle.
Next, I had guests texting me who they would like to be seated with (and who they would not like to be seated with).
After that, a BM called me to talk about how much weight she has lost and how excited she is for everyone to see her at my wedding.
Yesterday I had another BM call me crying because she hasn’t lost any weight for my wedding and doesn’t want to be “the fat one” since everyone will be looking at her.
Yeah, I know I’m not the hottest or prettiest or thinnest girl in the world, but everyone is making me feel like no one will even be paying attention to anyone besides the bridal party. Why are they so focused on and worried about how they will look?? Isn’t it the bride and groom’s day??
Post # 3
@Legallyblondiebride: I cant totally relate! Most of my BM’s have been great, but my FMIL (who I do love, but she drives me crazy) is making the wedding all about her. She calls me to complain about all things wedding related and she is only concerned with what she will look like that day. Whenever someone asks about my dress or hair, she jumps right in to talk about hers. She has had 8 hair trials!!!
Try not to let your friends get you down. It is about you and when you walk down the aisle everyone will be looking at you and happy for you and your husband!
Post # 4
@vanilla44: Um, holy crap. Eight hair trials??? That’s insane.
OP, don’t worry, the day will be all about you and FI. I agree that people maybe need to stop thinking about themselves all the dang time, but on your wedding day, you’ll be the center of attention. Nobody cares about mom’s hair or bridesmaid dress size. They’ll be looking at you. Talking to you. Congratulating you. It’ll be great.
Post # 5
@bluewolverine: haha yes isnt that crazy! she still hasnt even decided on one yet and I think she is getting one more this week before the wedding. Also, on Easter showed everyone the jewlrey she is wearing to wedding haha
Post # 6
Oh my! I can see why you’re feeling a little nuts – you are the BRIDE (the STAR) but still being put in the role of having to calm them all down! It should be the other way around. Anyway, you sound like an awesome and understanding friend, so that’s probably the reason they’re crying to you so much, lol.
Post # 7
Thanks girls! I am trying to remember that but I just keep thinking to myself how I would never say that stuff to a bride. I’m a BM in a wedding in a few months and the only time I talk to her about any wedding related it is what I can do to help and if I can do anything for her.
I certainly don’t text her to talk about my weight or how all eyes will be on me. Ugh!
Post # 8
@Sunfire: Awww thank you!!
Yeah, I would never say anything to them about it. That’s why I come to the hive to vent! You ladies are awesome!!
Post # 9
Look, unless your BMs show up naked, all eyes will be on you. You are the bride, the coup de grace, the little death, the star of the show. You (and alright, your FI) are who everyone has come to see!
Having said that, to assume that everyone’s attention will be on you at every moment of the wedding is nonsense, and you know it. Yes, everyone is invested in your wedding to some extent and everyone will love seeing you all decked out etc. etc. but you know everyone else has his/her own life. So even when you’re walking down the aisle and everyone’s looking at you, someone–probably many someones–will also be simultaneously thinking things like “did we leave teh garage door open?” “remember to practice my ‘game face’ for the raise negotiation Monday” and “dude, that chick in the red dress over there is seriously hot!” And yes, your friend’s FI might be more interested in his lady walking down the aisle as a BM–can you blame him? Some people might observe that your friend has lost weight and looks great; others might observe that your other friend looks a bit curvier than usual. But none of this means that they’re NOT going to notice you!
And by the way, the other thing I can promise you is that on the actual day, you will not give a rat’s ass if anyone is looking at you or not looking at you. You will be so focused on your FI and the commitment you are making that everyone else will disappear.
Your friends are behaving like your friends. One is excited to have lost weight; the other is worried about weight gain. They’re trying to share these struggles wtih you–and wouldn’t you be excited if you knew you looked hot in your BM dress, or, wouldn’t you need some support if you felt like you DIDN’T look hot in your BM dress? These are basic feelings and it’s your job, as a friend, to support them emotionally. THe one thing that I do agree with you about is no, you don’t have to observe people’s requests regarding seating and other nonsense. If people bother you with that stuff, smile and say, “We’re still trying to put together THAT puzzle!” and change the subject.
Post # 10
Of course people are going to look at your bridal party. . . UNTIL YOU COME INTO THE ROOM & WOW THEM!!! No one is going to be focused on how much weight your BM has lost while you’re walking down that isle.
Remember that weddings are social events & aside from celebrating your nuptials, people will use that time to catch up. So yes someone might tell Betty Bridesmaid how slim she looks for all of 2 seconds, but thats just small talk. You will be the main topic of conversation for the day!
As far as the the BM who thinks she’s going to look fat, I think you should try to be a little sensitive to that, especially if she’s overweight. Sometimes it’s hard to have a good time & be confident when you aren’t feeling pretty. If she’s your friend then you should listen to her insecurities about her body image, and try to be encouraging. I doubt she’ll let her feelings get in the way of her standing up for you on your wedding day.
I understand wanting attention because you’re the bride, but you just have to remember that other people have things going on in their lives too. The only day that you need to be top priority is the wedding day itself. So on the days leading up to it: be excited for the friend who lost the weight, be excited that your other BM has someone special in her life who wants her to know that she has his undivided attention, be understanding & supportive of your friend who is struggling with her weight.
Post # 11
I understand that it’s not all about me all the time and other people have lives.
I guess what really bothers me is that none of my BM’s have asked me how I am doing or if I need help or anything like that. Anytime any of them call or text me it is to talk about themselves or complain about themselves. Any time anything wedding related is brought up (by them) it is always to talk about how THEY will look, etc. I guess it would just be nice for someone to acknowledge me for a change since this is such an important time in my life.
Post # 12
Been to so many wedding, I must say even my own MOH’s wedding a few years ago losing weight was something we talked about…it’s a reason to get into shape like a vacation, your literally on display for people to look at when you walk down before the bride. Yes people think about themselves but did you ever think the reason they are talking to you about it because they think you have zero issue with your weight and its ok? I know about WHAT about ME I am the bride..Totally! It’s about you guys but remember your not the only one on DISPLAY actually they are on DISPLAY before you are and being center of attention even for a moment makes me question my weight, hair, makeup blah blah. I think they love you and feel comfortable enough talked about their weight with you and care what they look like at your wedding means a lot. I think you have good friends who love you an respect you. LOTS get freaked out and crazy when knowing people will be looking at them and judging them.
On another note….ok ladies I understand now lets talk about the reason were all have this dicussion…ME I am getting marriedl LOL
Post # 13
@Legallyblondiebride: I am thinking all these ladies think yoiu have it all together and no “looks/weight” issues so its ok? LOL In a weird way look at it as a complement.
Post # 14
@Otulyssa: I was going to say the same thing! Look it as a compliment, they love you and think you’re already perfect.
P.S. Ever notice we are three blonde chicks? LOL.
Post # 15
@Otulyssa: Thanks! I will try to look at it that way 🙂
Post # 16
On the bright side, it at least sounds like everyone is getting excited and geared up for your day, even if they are doing it in a way that seems a little selfish.