When you grow apart from your friends, but still want to be friends.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

the only thing you dont have in common in marital status.  people have to make an effort, especially as lives change status.  plan a girls trip, do more things together.  what did you used to do, anything other than chase boys?  my gf and i do hot tub dates and disneyland and craft nights etc.  so married or not, we still have things in common. 

Post # 3
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee

I feel the same sometimes, I have my single girlfriends (we’re in teh same age group) and they’re hard to relate to because I’ve been married before and SO and I are planning on buying a house and getting married next year while these girls are wondering when they’re hitting Vegas again.

Then on the other hand I have my married friends who’ve been married since I first got married 4+ years and have had babies or onto the second already. I often find it hard to fit into each group.

But I find weith the people who are really true friends there’s no trying. We make time to support each other and to catch up on what’s happening in our lives and it doesn’t become one sided. I still find I have lots in common with the married women as I haev the same goals as they do but I’ve had to let go of some of my single girlfriends because we actually had nothing in common and didn’t shart the same values anymore.

Is there one of these girls you might feel comfortable talking to about the situation and how you’re feeling? If there isn’t, then I don’t think they’re great friends you need to keep around.

Post # 4
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ryansgirl:  i have grown apart from friends but years later reconnected and became even closer with them. your friends might get boyfriends and become married later in life. then you find youll have more in common. i have friends with kids, and we started growing apart because i well at the time i was unmarried and had no kids. you can never have enough friends. so dont be shy to make more. 

Post # 6
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ryansgirl:  Sounds to me like you may need to redefine the friendship and find new common ground. Perhaps in the past YOU have enjoyed talking with them about boys and so you had that in common. Now that you no longer really enjoy that line of conversation, change the conversation. People usually want to talk about mutual interests so if their one and only interest is men, you may have to move on. If not, there is so much to talk about. Redirect, redirect, redirect the conversations! I remember that when I was 28, I had a ton of things to chat about. Men weren’t my primary interest. I doubt they are most of your friends’ either. … Serious question, are you happy with your status of being a “wife?” Are you a bit jealous of your friends and their ability to be more free wheeling? Do you miss being one of the girls? Sometimes we project feelings when we are unhappy, sad or lonely…

Post # 7
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ryansgirl:  

True friendships can withstand different life stages. 

I can still relate to my single friends because I was single once as all married people were. 

Why not just jump into the conversations with questions or news? 

 

Post # 8
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ryansgirl:  it might be hard for them to hear how everything is going great in your married life. when they themselves seem a little consumed with guys. that could be why they cut you off in your convo. which isnt nice. but my DH finds himself in this situation with some of his friends (guys that are a bit older then him) . where other people are a bit jealous of your relationship. but like i said hopfully they will come down to earth. 

Post # 11
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ryansgirl:  It sounds like you look down on your friends for being single and sleeping around. Nobody likes Judge Judys. If you thinkthey are beneath you, perhaps it would be best to find friends who have the same values as you.

Post # 15
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ryansgirl:  i totally feel the same sometimes. I feel like I have been in a different place from my friends in the while. am I’m in the same age group range. I have been with my soon to be husband (22 days) for almost 8 years now, and we have a 4 year old daughter together, and have been living together for 7 years now. We are pretty much married save for the marital status. But the fact that I’m a mom and cant do all the DINK (dual income no kids) or Single Lady things, I feel left out. It’s just putting forth the effort to stay connected that is hard sometimeswhen you feel like you dont have anything in common anymore

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