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As anyone who's followed my posts before might have discerned, I am very interested in people's relationship with religion. For example, I asked about whether you would convert to a new religion for marriage, and the most popular answer (31%) so far is that the question is irrelevant because neither spouse is very religious! I expected a "no" answer, but the "it's irrelevant" answer really surprised me with how popular it was.
So this makes me wonder, how do you think your relationship with religion will change once you have children (for those of you who plan to have children or who already do)?
My husband and I intend to be more vigilant in going to church once we have children so that they have the spiritual and community benefits of it in their lives. FWIW, we are Catholic converts with good intentions but varying success in making it to mass. We were both raised nominally Episcopalian and had long periods of non-religiosity.
I think this attitude is not too uncommon, and that some people who are totally out of the habit of going to church may start again for the children's sake. But it makes me wonder, why do we intend to raise our children with something that we (once) rejected ourselves? Do you think your relationship with religion and religious attendance will change once you have children?
Well, I'm a very devout Catholic now, but in my 20s and early 30s I was pretty much Catholic in name only. Things that happened in my life (losing my father, etc.) made me re-consider my priorities in life and one thing that came out of that was a re-evaluation of my childhood faith. My FH is an adult convert, and it is such a blessing to share this with him.
I think getting married and having children might just cause people to re-evaluate earlier choices they might have made regarding religion.
We go to church regularly and were both raised that way. We will definitely be taking them to church!
FI and I equally non-religious in two different religions, (he's Catholic, I'm Jewish). My family never practiced so we never went to temple. My FI used to go to church regularly but in college really re-evaluated his life and decided that organized religion is not for him, (at least the church part). Ironically, he went to a college well known for it's commitment to religious education. We have decided that once we have kids we will maintain the cultural aspects of both religions, (as we do now), but wont be going to church/temple.
We don't go to church now and aren't religious. We won't start once we have kids.
My husband went to mass regularly as a child (Catholic school), and we both went every Sunday at our Catholic college. We dropped off a little after moving to where we are now, but I imagine kids will jump-start us to at least once a week, again. That's years away, though...
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I was raised Jewish (synagogue most Saturday mornings until my Bat Mitzvah, Hebrew school, celebrated High Holidays, etc.), but sort of moved away from Judaism since then... but even though I no longer practice (and would more accurately refer to myself as atheist), I still feel a strong cultural identification with my heritage and would love to make sure my children get something like the Jewish education I got.
But FI is agnostic and from a Catholic background, so he is not crazy about raising Jewish children whose religion he wouldn't be able to relate to. So we've decided that, instead of raising our kids Jewish or Catholic (which he's not interested in, anyway), we're going to join a Unitarian church soon (before we have children) so that we have a "religious" community to bring our children into, one which reflects our values even if our "faith" is sort of non-existent. :)
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My FI and I have discussed this quiet recently, neither one of us are church goers, we were both born and raised in the Lutheran church, but while we both believe in God, we just feel that each person celebrates that connection and worships in a different way. As unique as each human is, so is their devotion. I think we basically feel that religion is too cookie cutter for either of us. We have decided to expose our children to many faiths and allow them the opportunity to figure it out for themselves. Whatever they choose, we want them to choose it because they feel a connection, not because they feel like they have to inherit our beliefs.
I chose "other." Even though there are two options in the poll that begin with "We don't go to church," I didn't feel either one fit us. Maybe the first one, but what do you mean by "teach them in other ways"? Teach them what? About god?
My FI and I are atheists and will not take our children to church. We're not very vocal about it or anything, and we're not disapproving of people who are involved in religion; it's just not something that either of us believes in or wants in our own life. I also don't want to force it on my children because it was forced on me growing up and I hated it. I will certainly teach my children what other people believe if they're interested, but they will understand that Mom and Dad don't believe the same things as many other people. I will explain to them what Christmas means to Christians, but it will not mean the same to us; we will celebrate it purely for the purpose of Santa and of getting together with extended family (Christmas has always been my favorite day of the year because of having my whole extended family -- about 35-40 people -- in my house. SO MUCH FUN!)
If, when my children are old enough to form their own beliefs, they find a religion in which they feel comfortable and get involved in it, they will be free to do that as long as they don't expect me to do it with them. I was forced to continue going to church through the end of high school, but I had more or less stopped believing in god around 8th grade. My children will be free to choose their own religious path (or lack thereof) when they are ready.
We are Christians and also of the same denomination. We already take our kids to church and find it a very centering place for us. A place of peace and hope.
My son right now is finishing up vacation Bible school this week and is having a blast!
I agree with ChaiAnkh99 almost entirely, although I guess I interpreted "teach them in other ways" a bit differently. We will teach our kids that religions exist, what the basic tenets of each major religion are, and why we choose not be be involved in any of them. If they decide at some point, after learning about different perspectives, that they want to be involved in a religion, that's up to them.
same views as bamboo, I do not go to church and wont be taking my children
Neither of us are religious and do not attend any kind of church; I don't intend to change that just because I have kids. I'd rather they decide for themselves if they want to go or not; I don't want to lie and pretend that I'm religious for them.
I'm Christian & I attend church bi-weekly. My FI is Catholic & attends only when I'm in town lol. Both of us grew up very active in our churches & we both believe its important that our kids go.
I was raised Catholic and was basically forced to go to church every Sunday for many years, especially the ten years in which I was in catholic school (church assistance was a part of the grade in religion class). And I hated it. I never liked going to church, I never really believed any of what was being talked about there, and I couldn't wait until I was able to decide on my own to not go to church. And so, I haven't been to church in 10-15 years (except one time for a wedding). It took my parents many years to accept that fact, that I don't consider myself catholic at all regardless of having been raised in that faith, but by now they have accepted it.
Fiance on the other hand was raised without a religion so he was never forced to go to any church. Since neither of us are religious (he's an atheist and I'm agnostic), if we have kids we won't be taking them to any church. My parents will probably want us to at least baptize any kids we have, but I don't think fiance would be comfortable with that (honestly, I wouldn't be comfortable with it either). But we still don't know if we're going to have any kids or when, so it's not something we need to think about for now -- though at the very least we know that we would raise our kids with no religion, like fiance was raised.
I'm with FutureMrsTal. Hubby and I aren't particularly religous. Growing up, we would sometimes go to mass (Catholic) but not always on a regular basis. I did do the whole CCD and made my 1st Holy Communion and all that jazz, but religion was never a big thing for me. I believe in God, but not religion overall (probably because of the bad experiences with the Catholic religion. maybe if I found one I liked it wouldnt be so bad). Hubby is totally unreligious, never was, and doesn't believe in anything whatsoever, and I'm ok with that. However, I do want our children exposed to religion so that they too can make their own choice. So, I do hope to take them to church, once I have kids, because I feel it is the only way they can properly learn about religion, by exposure to it.
My FI and I are both baptists and our faith is one of the many reasons we fell in love. We attend church regurarly with his parents and do plan to dedicate our children once we have them. I found my faith when I was 21 and the baptized and my FI was a teenager. We believe we will raise and teach our children our beleifs but will not force them to do anything. Being baptized in our church is by choice only that's why they do dedications. I do say though if you want your child raised in faith you need to lead the example. If you don't go now but plan to when they are born are you going to educate them or just have the church do it? What they learn at church needs to be represented at home. Also if you plan on going what's holding you back now?
I chose "Other" for the some of the same reasons Chai did. When we have children, we will not take them to church, but I am not sure what was meant by "teach them in other ways". We don't feel there is anything to teach, being agnostic. We hope our children will explore and choose (or not choose) what is right for them.
When I was younger my parents took me to church and I intend to do the same with my children. We were not made to go once we were older and I really dont remember having to go when younger if we really did not want to. My FH and I were both raised the same religion, and while we are not very religios now, we are not opposed to out kids at least being offered the chance to go. If my kids dont want to go and I believe that they are old enough to be making that decsion then I will not make them.
I think that church is not just a place for kids to lean religion, but it is a place to become sociable with other childern. They can start learning basic things before school and meet some other children that they may not meet otherwise. Who knows, they may be like I was and make me take them every week until they can drive themselves, or they may not want anything to do with it once they are older. Either way, as long as I have given them the option and showed them that I will not condem them for being religious even though I am not then I have done my job. I grew up with a lot of people who didnt go to church just because they didnt want their parents mad at them. I want mt kids to make their own choices that are good for their lives.
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We don't go to church now, and don't plan on taking our children. I occasionally went to Episcopal church with my family growing up, later Presbyterian and synagogue on my own, and FH's family was (and is) very involved in their non-denominational Christian church. Although we do enjoy the community attending a place of worship provides, we don't want to pretend to be religious for the social benefits. I plan to educate our children about the beautiful qualities (and similar themes) of many major religions, which may involve attending/visiting different churches/synagogues/temples/mosques. I want to be sure our children have a basic understanding of many different beliefs so that, if they do find faith, it will be the right one for them. I may not be a believer, but I have profound respect for, and understand the importance of, religion and want my children to have this outlook as well. In my opinion, it breeds greater compassion for the differences people are willing to die for.
Like some of the posters above, I intend to raise my children the way I was raised. My mother is an athiest, and my dad was raised Lutheran, but he became skeptical of organized religion when he was growing up (especially when a church swindled an elderly relative out of a chunk of thier retirement savings--not judging all churches, but it happens). My dad does beleive in God and actually has a very traditional set of beliefs. We were encouraged to read the bible, and go to to church with our friends if we so desired. However, we were also encouraged to learn about religions and develop our own opinions. The only request that my parents had was that we become educated about what we beleive in and if we subscribe to any particular belief system, that we do so for the right reasons, and to be aware that there are other ways to worship. There was always an open dialogue in our home about religion and we were always bringing home books from used bookstores about other religions to talk about. We were able to develop a really healthy curiosity about faith. There are six of us, so we're kind all over the board.
My ex husband, my daughters father, and one of my grandmothers are all Catholic. Not for me. My husband is Lutheran, and his family is very religious, and he attends church semi regularly, so our children will have that experience, but I will also teach them that faith is a very personal thing, and that it's important to know what's out there to consider.
I pretty much keep my personal thoughts to myself to anyone except those are extremely close to me, evn my MOH and some of my sibs don't know where I stand. So, I think that a few people are surprised that we are also having a church ceremony in January as our official wedding, in addition to our private courthouse wedding two weeks ago. But, it's important for him to be married in the eyes of God, and it really a sacred thing to him, so I like that we are honoring that, despite the fact that that may not be what I would do for my own convictions.
As for baptism for our kids, I am unsure of how I feel about that. He wants to do it to keep his family happy, but that makes me slightly uneasy. We'll see what happens.
Being a cradle Catholic, I've always attended mass. Ithink it was rare, even in college, for me to miss mass. We take our children to mass now. They're ven in Catholic school. They seem to really like it too. It's really great to here those little voices talk about Jesus. They seem to have a sense of joy and comfort when they talk about how much God loves them. I can tell they think about it a lot.
We both go to church. We are different religions. So it might be a little hard for a bit, but we had done talked about it, and I told him that I would want my children to go to my church. I made the decision a long time ago. Right now, he's okay with it. I'm not saying that our children could never go to his church, because I go every great once and a while with him. I guess I'm just used to mine.
We're getting married at my church too. His is too small for BOTH of our familes. (His church used to be an old school house)
I was raised Catholic & had the same kind of experience as JoesWifey so I'm really not attached to making my kids go to Mass or be raised in the Catholic faith at all. My FI is Lutheran and I've attended church with him a ton of times and absolutely LOVE the Lutheran church we're marrying in. We attend maybe twice a month on average, because we tend to be out of town so often on camping trips or stuff like that. I think for us, how regularly we attend church won't change when we have kids, and it'll probably depend on if there is a Lutheran church in the area that we really like and identify with.
Another aethiest "other" here... I do hope my children someday study religion, but more from a historical understanding than a faith-based one.
We are planning on joining an interfaith community when we have kids. He's Jewish, I'm Catholic and there is an interfaith community with an interfaith sunday school. I want the kids to learn about both faiths in a neutral environment.
we are both practicing catholics and if we have kids will definitely raise them catholic; exept I'm 39 yikes! hope we can still have kids; thats my main concern
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Mr. MJ was raised going to church fairly regularly, and I was not. As adults, neither of us is at all religious and we don't intend on raising our children that way either.
We will make sure they know religion is out there though, and I do want to note that we would never prevent THEM from being religious if they so choose.
One thing we have discussed (and been stumped on) is schooling. Education is very important to us, and I think many parents agree that today's public schools (in a lot of regions, at least) aren't quite as challenging as many of the private ones out there. Many of those private ones (especially in our region) are Catholic or Lutheran. Would we send our child to a religious school to ensure that he/she had a better education? And how would we handle that? I certainly wouldn't want to tell them that mommy and daddy don't agree with the school's teachings... nor would I want them to be a bad influence on other children in the school. Luckily we have no kids or plans to have them for a least a few years. So we have time to figure all that out.
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we're both baptists, we go regularly to church and we definitely will be taking our children too, but we will not force them to do anything and when they grow up, it's their decision to go or not.
I chose the first option. I was baptized Catholic but it was forced on me, which I hated. FI has only been to church a handful of times but I would say he was raised without religion. Although I would never ever raise my kids Catholic, I would actually be open to finding an inclusive church that spoke more of spirituality than religion. If we don't have the motivation to do that, we'll probably go the same route that ChaiAnkh talked about.
Fascinating answers, hive! Love it.
As to what I meant by the first option, "will teach them in other ways," I struggled with how to word it in the space allotted. What I meant was, you don't intend on taking your future children to church, and you will teach them or not teach them about religion in some other way. For some that might mean having a "church at home" where you teach them your own variation on a religion (perhaps an inclusive sort of Christianity? I think that's pretty common), or you might teach you children about religions but not actually practice any of them (like if you are athiest or agnostic). Or you might not teach them about religion much at all. Whatever your choice about religion may be (even if it's a non-choice), you won't be doing it inside of a house of worship is what I meant by option 1.
And similarly, I did NOT mean that you wouldn't teach them in other ways (i.e., at home) if you do decide to take them to church. Of course you're going to teach your children about religion (or not) at home in addition to taking them to church, if that's what you decide to do. I was trying to emphasize the physical attendance at a house of worship aspect is all.
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My FI and I are Christians, we met in church, and it's been so cool to see how God has worked our relationship out. I most definatly will be taking my children to church, and showing them God's love. I have been blessed so much and I would never want my child to grow up not to know the Lord. I just hope and pray I can be a good example for them, and teach them a solid truth based faith, one they understand and accept. It's my job to be an example and lead them, God will do the rest in my faithfullness.
I am so thankful for my parents raising me how they did. They never once forced it on me, they always respected me and just faithfully prayed that I would live for the Lord on my own. I hope my kids grow up to do the same.
Also, church is a family thing, so if they are part of my family they will have to attend, but when they are older, hopefully they will want to come not cause I say, but because they love it!
i haven't been to church since i was like 10, maybe, don't really ever want to go back, so i'm obviously not taking my kids. My husband and I are both agnostic.
Don't know if you just mean "church" or any place of worship. FI and I were both raised in religions households. He Methodist (an acolyte for a time, actually), and me Hindu. I would characterize my family as *very* religious. His not so much anymore, though his sister did marry in a church.
He's strongly agnostic now (hmmm...that sounds odd), and I'm re-exploring my faith. I've never really subscribed to a very ritualized version of Hinduism anyway, more viewed it from a philosophical perspective. We don't attend any services and don't plan on taking our kids. But we've talked about the fact that we want our kids to have exposure and space to make their own decisions. I know my parents will definitely expose our kids to Hinduism. I don't think his parents will do so actively (they no longer go to church at all). We now live on the West Coast (in CA), and quite likely will settle near his family in Seattle. I grew up in Michigan, and moved to CA for college. One thing I noticed was that religion was kind of a given where I grew up. Almost everyone I knew pretty much went somewhere on Sunday...but no one talked a lot about it. It was weird when we had a Norwegian exchange student whose family was atheist. It was really different when I moved to CA. Either people were not at all religious, or very actively so (and talked about it a lot). Obviously those are generalizations, but it struck me really profoundly. I don't really know what to make of it exactly. But sometimes I wonder what it will be like to have kids growing up in this environment. I suspect they'll have a really different take on religion and faith than me. Anyway, really interesting topic.
I didn't grow up going to church, but my FI did. In fact, I met my FI at our church when I first started attending 6 years ago. We go regularly, and plan to continue once we have children.
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@chelseamorning also, I guess I could say it's not that I didn't have any beliefs as a child. My family didn't regularly attend services unless you say that we "regularly" attended on Easter. However, my parents did teach me the basics of the bible and morals and we prayed before bed every night.
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Unfortunately, many churches aren't too welcoming to single people or married w/ no kids 20 and 30 year olds. Many churches' programs seem geared for families with children or empty nesters/ senior citizens.
I find myself stuck in a catch-22 where many of the churches where I would feel comfortable (Methodist/ UCC) hold services on Sunday mornings only and don't have much to offer for couples without kids. On the other hand, there are other churches in our area that do have Sunday evening services and social groups for 20/30 year olds and singles/ young couples but I can't get down with their literal interpretation of the bible and other fundamentalist beliefs.
I grew up going to church every sunday until I turned 18, when I moved out of my parent's house. He only went to church on occasion as a kid. We've gone to church a few times together, but I wasn't too comfortable in the church we went to (which is sad bc it's the church I grew up in, but things change over time). I hope that one day we can find a church to attend and a place to bring our children to. He's not too excited about it, but respects my beliefs. I had so many great memories of my childhood in my church, made some lifelong friends, and was taught many important lessons. I would love for my kids to have that one day.
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I voted other. I was raised Christian, going to a United Methodist church. My FH was forced to go to church while his parents did not attend (they would drop him off and pick him up from church). I attended a Christian college, but I currently have a more open spiritual belief, and think it is important to respect other religions.
So we decided we would educate our children about all of the major religions, and also share what we individually believe, and how that shapes our morals and values, and let our child decide what they want to believe. Obviously this would be done as the child can understand it. But we plan to attend various types of churches, synagogues, temples, mosques, prayer meetings, and read through different "sacred" texts in order to expose our children to a variety of religions.
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