When you know, you know right?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yup, it’s really that simple…or it should be.  It was for me.  If it’s really challenging to be with another person or you’re not sure if they’re the one, they probably aren’t.

Post # 4
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@diamondshoes:  For me, no it’s not that simple. But I’m indecisive and like to think decisions through with my head as well as my heart.

Post # 5
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I agree. WHen you know, you know.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I decided DH was “The One” a full year before he decided I was “The One”, too!

So I think it’s a little more complicated than just “knowing”.

But I was engaged once before, and I never felt like he was “The One”, just “The One Person Stupid Enough to Love Me” (I was naiive back then…), and that was good enough for me!

So I do think that the feeling of “This person is The One” is legit!

Post # 7
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@diamondshoes:  i think you do “know when you know” in regards to whom you want to marry. however, when speaking of the actual “getting married” there are a lot more cards involved. I could sit here and say I knew i wanted to marry my SO as soon as we got together, because i had loved him years before and just been too afraid to take a chance, 2.5 years later and I still know its him. however I also know a)im still in college b)we arent independent from our parents (20 years old here) so THEREFORE c)we arent ready for marriage. (if i was going purely off feelings i would be marrried now, but considering everything else i know for us waiting 4-5 years is best)

i think knowing who you want to marry is just that simple, but it would be silly for me to say that just bcus you know you should jump right into a marriage. you can know you want to marry him, but still acknowlege that it isnt the right time (even though your heart may tell you other wise). acknowledging this doesnt take anything away from the relationship at all, it actually shows maturity. 

the feeling of love is simple, everything else that comes along with it imo is not.

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s a little more complicated than that, depending on how you see it. With my ex, I “knew” he was “the one” for several years because I was so in love, despite the fact that we were not good together.

With my current SO, it was the other way around. It took me a while to understand that he was the one for me. I knew I loved him, but given my last relationship I knew that wasn’t enough. But seeing how we support each other and how we compromise and handle arguments makes me confident that he’s perfect for me. But now I do look at him all the time and just feel calm, wonderful love!

Post # 9
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@diamondshoes:  Yep. Like you, I was very cynical (I prefer the term “realistic” lol) about love. If people claimed they had the head-over-heels movie type of love, awesome for them. I could explain it away through science and endorphins but always said if I was willing to be proven wrong. And boy, was I. Lol. DH was the same way before we met and once we connected (after our first date, which was a little awkward to say the least) we both fell so hard for each other and just KNEW. I never even wanted to get married before I met him. But now here we are and I still look at him and get butterflies 🙂

Post # 10
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@diamondshoes:  I used to be super cynical, never wanted to get married, etc, and had only been partially invested all my relationships; however when I met my husband that all changed completely.  I knew after spending a week with him that he would be the only person I could ever marry. 

Post # 11
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@housebee:  Exactly the same here. But then – *poof*! – I knew I knew 🙂

Post # 13
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Courthouse

I knew when my fiancé said to me ” nice guys finish last” and I said “well,nice girls finish last” and then I knew.. Why was I going to waste my time dating douchebags when the one is standing right in front of me! 

 

I heard something that said yeah nice guys finish last,because they let the girl finish first 😉 HA! I loved it!

Post # 14
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I just “knew” with my ex husband.Now I don’t trust that feeling anymore.Of course I feel like I “just know”,I love my so!!But way too many factors comes into a marriage,so I won’t ever marry again just because I feel like I know.It takes much more than just knowing to make a marriage work.

Post # 15
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think it’s that simple. You can think someone is the right person for you but it may not work out if both of you are not in the right place. He might be the right person for you in the future but right now it sounds like he’s not ready. 

Post # 16
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: restaurant

I love my SO, but he’s not my typical type (though he is very handsome), and he’s in grad school (was still in undergrad when we started dating) and the stress of $140k+ in loans REALLY stressed me out. I can’t even tell you how many times I thought to myself, “maybe I should just cut and run. I’ve worked my butt off to not have any school loans, and now I’m just going to readily take all of this on when I could just find someone else? I’m in my early twenties, it’s not too late”. But every time, something stopped me. for what felt like a LONG time, I had inner struggles, and a lot of conversations with my SO that had me crying out of frustration. This is where Sheryl Paul (a bridal anxiety specialist…check out her blog, it’s awesome for girls who question things) and a therapist REALLY helped me work through my thoughts. The therapist gave me an unbiased view that no one close to me could offer. And after going through therapy once a week for 4 weeks, her and I agreed that I had really worked through a lot of my stressors. After therapy, and reading Sheryl Paul’s blog religiously, I swear it changed the way I viewed my relationship. I had a new level of clarity, commitment, and love for him. 

So I guess my response to your blog is: sometimes people “just know” (like my grandparents, and my aunt and her husband, who are all still insanely in love after decades of marriage), sometimes people “just know” because they are naive and it ultimately doesn’t work out, and sometimes “knowing” can develop…like in my case. But I think it’s a mistake to discount your relationship if you aren’t positive right off the bat. Best of luck, fellow bee!

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