- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
And you can’t do anything at all to stop them. Before you blast me, YES I AM AWARE THAT I DON’T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY, AND YES I KNOW IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. Thanks. ETA: This got longer than I meant. Sorry!!
Background: A very dear friend of mine, who was one of my bridesmen in my wedding, has been involved for about a month with a girl from his old job who is married. She claims to be unhappy with her husband, that he ignores her, that he refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem, etc. They went, in the last few weeks, from her wanting to work things out with her husband and save their marriage to, “She’s in love with me and is going to leave him, and I’m in love with her and I’ll be waiting.” For the past several weeks she has supposedly planned on talking to her husband about how unhappy she is, come clean to him about their affair, etc. It has only been a month and here she is, supposedly ready to throw away her 5-6 year marriage (not counting her relationship with her husband before they were married).
Except that she hasn’t said anything. At all. Ever. AFAIK he is not abusive to her, and it went (according to my friend) from being “her husband has no idea she feels this way and is totally in love with her and this would blindside him” to “he refuses to acknowledge her at all as a person and he makes her miserable.”…In the span of like a week. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. Somehow, I am feeling like she is just using my friend and leading him along, I dunno, maybe because she’s bored. My friend said as much when he first mentioned her to me – that she was a young, bored housewife who was looking for something new and exciting. She never envisioned herself as a stay at home mom and now she has 2 young kids and is bored at home, so she’s looking outside for something to do.
But she has not spoken to her husband, come clean, tried counseling, anything. Just the other day she was supposed to talk to him and still hasn’t…I stalked her FB (she comments on EVERYTHING that my friend posts) and her profile pic before the one now (of just her) was her and her husband, a professional photo, they both look super happy, and it’s from Oct. 2013. The one before that was a picture from July 2013 of her and her husband at a BBQ each holding one of their two boys. People commented that their family is so beautiful and she was all, “I know I am so lucky!!” Maybe her pictures are just to give the illusion that she’s happy and she really isn’t, I dunno. But I feel like there’s something weird here.
To top that all off, my friend has these grandiose ideas of saving her, building a life with her, and being a new husband…which I guess is okay, but this guy recently got fired from his job, hasn’t applied to any new ones, has no prospects, dropped out of college, doesn’t want to finish his degree, doesn’t want to get any professional licenses or training, lives with a roommate, and now has no income (nor any savings)….Just two weeks ago he was talking about how he wanted to travel the world, make a bunch of money, save up and retire early, and had applied to jobs in ANTARCTICA. If you’re gonna steal someone’s wife and kids away, why would you apply to a job in Antarctica?? What, would you suddenly randomly take them with you?? But at this point in time, my friend has nothing to offer this girl…Which is mean to say, I know…But if I was going to leave my husband for someone and take my two children I’d want that person to be able to provide for us. I dunno…
My friend has been really directionless and at a loss of what to do with his life. He had a long, deep conversation with one of my bridesmaids about it while he was here visitng. Part of me feels like this is a good distraction for him, that it gives him an opportunity to fix someone else so he doesn’t have to focus on himself.
I don’t really want any advice because nothing I say will stop him from doing what he’s doing, and it’s not really my business anyway. I just kind of feel like I’m watching an accident waiting to happen…And I’ll have to be there to pick up the pieces. It’s frustrating because I regard him like a brother and it’s hard to watch someone do that to themselves willingly. 🙁
I just needed to vent to someone, I guess. *sigh* Thanks for reading if you got this far.