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DH and I have a mutual friend that we seriously care a lot for. He's such a good friend, and a loving and caring person in general. He is 30 years old and hasn't been in a relationship for awhile. He was very lonely and always commented that he was until he started dating this girl. They have been together MAYBE 4 months (the 2nd time I ever met her was at our wedding). They just told us they are moving in together. This concerns me so much because they are still in the extreme lovey-dovey stage, and I doubt have even had a fight yet. I just have never seen this end well, and I'm concerned for him. On the other hand, he is a grown ass man and can and will do whatever he wants. What say you?
He is a grown ass man and can and will do whatever he wants.
Seriously. Either it will work out, or it won't. Why does it matter to you?
@shellyjean: If they were getting married i MIGHT say something...but they are just moving in together...all is fine!! :)
Sometimes it's hard because you want to protect your friend. BUT a friend of mine met a guy, moved in with him a month later, got engaged about 3 months after that, got married and have been happily married for years. So hey, who knows.
I wouldn't say anything, this is not your business.
If it doesn't work out they will find that out. My parents met and got married within 6 months of everything and my mom was only 19. They've been married for 30 years. Sometimes people don't need time.
I doubt anything you say will even matter, as he's old enough to make his own decisions.
As you said, he is a grown ass man and can and will do whatever he wants.
If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But maybe it will! It's not like they're the first people to ever move in together quickly. It actually happens all of the time!
I can sense your concern and understand why you are so there's no need to be rude. I guess you see it as an "infatuation" stage right now. Especially because he was single for awhile. But there's really not much you can do. If you'd like to voice your concern, then do so. But definitely be polite about it. Other than that, he's on his own. I wish the best of luck to him.
@deliciousappleblue: @ejs4y8: @LGenz:
This exactly!!!!!
Let him make his own decisions. I personally would be happy for him.
I moved in with an ex after like 3 weeks. My friends told me I was crazy but did I listen? No, because I can make my own decisions. All there comments did was piss me off and make me stay with my ex longer than I should have because I didn't want them to be right. Life lessons I guess. I wouldn't say anything, let him them figure it out on their own.
Mr.G gave me a key to his house and car a month or less after we started dating. I moved in about a month after that. Now that I have my own car, he has the spare key (in case I lock myself out, or he wants something faster than his car hehe), and yup, we're still living together. Have we fought, yup. Did we make up, yup.
Life is so damn short! If he's happy let him be. He's grown and he will do what he wants to do...mistakes and all. Be a loving and supportive friend no matter what happens, and he will love you for it.
My Gmom once commented to me about how old and wise she is and how she constantly sees younger people making big mistakes and wishes she could stop them. But imagine how obnoxious that would be!
We should be allowed to make our own mistakes and while this might be one, it's not your place to speak up. If two adults have decided to move in together after 4 months, I promise they won't change their minds after a friend warns them that it's a bad idea. They might just choose not to hang out with that friend anymore.
If we didn't have roommates/leases at the time, we probably would have moved in together after 4 months. We had to wait until 11 months because of those things, but we new very early on that we wanted to live together. A few friends gave me a hard time about it and 3 years later I'm still a little hurt and don't feel as close to them. And fwiw, we are still going strong and very very very rarely have a fight.
@LetsGoPens: I wasn't really asking if I should step in and make his decisions for him, but thanks. I mainly just wanted opinions on the situation in general.
I say just let it go, be happy for him! My husband and I met in early February of 08, he moved across country to be with me and we moved in together in June 08, engaged in Nov of 09 and married in Oct of 2010! Do you not like her?
Is there a reason you don't like her, or is it just that it's going fast?
I moved in with my husband after dating for 5 months. Sometimes when you know, you know. And if it doesn't work, they'll figure it out even sooner b/c living together is pretty huge and lets you know the person very well.
FI and I were pretty much living together full time after just a few months of dating, but we still each had our own place too. Co-signing a lease is a big step after just a couple months!
My best guy friend got into a relationship last year where they moved really fast and moved in together after a couple months. They just broke up, and they'd accumulated 6 pets and she'd bought a house (luckily for him, the house was just in her name). I feel like it was a huge mistake for them to move that fast, but unfortunately you just gotta let people make their own decisions or risk losing your friendship with him.
we moved in together by 4 months. just because it wasn't your timetable doesn't mean it won't work out! if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and hopefully you'll be there to support him whether they break up or stay together.
Unless your friend is asking for your advice, you shouldn't offer it. Like other have said he's a grown man and can make his own decisions. Your role as a friend is support him even though it might not be the choice you would make, and be there if it doesn't work out.
Doesn't really matter what you do, he's going to make his own choices so why waste breath yknow? I have a friend who literally knew of her bf's existence for like 2 days before they were uber-committed dating, and then he moved in with her - in another CITY - 2 months later. And despite concerns of others, they're doing it their way and we as friends just have to be ok with that :)
My Love and I moved in together after 2 months of dating, and we are getting married in March. It's different for every person. We are in love, and I think if he feels strongly for her then, why not?
He is an adult and can make his own decisions.
Just because you've seen this "not end well" for other people doesn't mean it'll not end well for this couple.
why do you think it's a "mistake?" is this woman bad for him? is she a bad influence? does she make poor decisions? Does she treat him badly? if answer no to all those questions, then i would just stay out of it, afterall, he's a grown man.
I know sometimes that sort of things do not work out, but it did in my case. My FI (who sounds like your friend, was single for ages, 28, and lonely) and I moved in together after 2 months, got engaged at about 1 year, and will be married at right around 1.5 years. Sometimes, when you know, you know, and it works out great!
My advice is to just be there for your friend. If it doesn't work out, he'll need you!
You can't say anything. No matter how much you care about him, the best you can do is just be there for him if it falls apart, and be happy for him if it works out. There's nothing else you can do.
Believe me, I know how it feels. A couple years ago a friend of mine started hanging out with a guy. In four months they became great friends, and then friends with benefits. After he moved back to Europe they started dating long distance... he was her first boyfriend. After just a couple months of dating, she announced that they were engaged and she was DROPPING OUT of university to move to Europe to marry him.
We were all worried sick. She was choosing to throw away years of work she'd put into attaining a degree (she was just one more year away from finishing school), moving to an unfamiliar place with no work experience, no credentials, and only elementary knowledge of the language, all for HIM. She was getting nothing out of this deal, save the privilege of being by his side. To be honest, we were angry he would put her in such a position of vulnerability and dependence. We questioned his intentions. Some of us expressed mild concerns, but it was clear she didn't want to hear it. So we put on happy faces for her and gave them our congrats.
Thankfully, they seem to be doing great. It's all we could have hoped for. It's not that our concerns weren't valid, but it wasn't our place to tell her she might be making a huge mistake.
At least your friend is only moving in with his new girlfriend. That's nothing that can't be undone with a pickup truck and some helping hands. Try not to worry.
I think sometimes it's really important to let people make their own mistakes (or successes, if this works out). Let him learn in his own time. He won't listen to you anyway.
My husband asked me to buy a house with him after we had only been dating for three months (it took some time to find the right house for us, so we ended up moving in together after six months of dating). I think my friends and family were pretty shocked. That was three years ago, so obviously it worked out for us. But if anyone had told me not to do it, I wouldn't have listened to them. It's a cliche, but sometimes we meet someone and you just know it's "the one". Maybe that's what happened for your friend.
I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing...a bit fast, yes. My little sister started dating a guy and 2 weeks later they were engaged, 4 months later married. A good friend of mine went on a date with a guy, engaged a week later, and married a month later (and has been married for 19 years now)....and me...First date on a Monday, second date on a Tuesday, DH left for Iraq on a Wednesday. He was gone for 10 months and a week after he got home we were engaged. We've been happily married for a year now....after only seeing eachother twice in the first 10 months we were married. The point I"m trying to make is, it's different for everyone. While it may seem like a huge mistake to you, maybe it will work out for them. As long as she's a good gal, good to your friend, etc., I say be happy for them!
Eh... I agree with the above posters. He's a grown man, let him do his own thing and make his own decisons. He's obviously happy enough now to move in with her, so let it be. Just be happy that he's happy!
BF and I started having serious discussions about our future after six months (e.g. living together and puchasing a home together), and we started talking about marriage after 9 months. A friend of mine was very unsupportive of our relationship and kept telling me that I 'shouldn't get too excited about it because anything can happen'. I really did not appreciate her 'advice' and as a result we have drifted apart to the extent that I rarely even speak to her, and I don't think I will be inviting her to our wedding...
So my point is; stay out of this and don't offer advice unless specifically asked.
Unfortunately you have to let him make his own decisions, even if you feel it is the wrong one. Sometimes it sucks for sure though!
My husband and I moved in together after 2 months! He's a grown man....just be happy for him and be there for him if something happens down the future and he needs someone to talk to.
My SO and I moved in together after dating for a month. We'd known each other a bit longer, but we just took the plunge right away because for us it made sense. We've been dating for 2.5 years, are looking at buying a house and plan on getting married in the next few years. Relationships move at different speeds for everyone and it's difficult to know all the details from the outside.
Recently, I had a friend come to me with concerns about my relationship. He was worried I was making a mistake moving forward with my SO and it infuriated me. He did not approach me very tactfully and it seemed to come completely out of left field. I definitely had to reconsider and evaluate my friendship with him because I felt attacked, unsupported and hurt. From that point of view, I recommend not saying anything because as previous posters (and you) said, he is a grown man and can make his own decisions. All you can do is be the supportive, caring friend that you are.
If you do feel like you need to say something to your friend, I suggest you make sure he knows you are coming from a place of love and support. Encourage him to talk about his relationship, his life and his decisions rather than assuming he's making a mistake right off the bat. If you allow him to open up to you friend to friend, you might get a better feel for his position and why he is making this decision without risking any damage to your relationship with him.
*shrug... Just my two cents as someone on the flip side of this coin.
Absolutely none of your business and he did not ask for your advice.
Let him learn the hard way! If it is meant to be it will be, if not, he will learn not to move in with a girl until getting to know her more.
Be happy for him. If it doesn't work out, be there to support him.
I can understand your hesitation, but beleive me that sometimes it does work out! I have a friend who had barely dated anyone then moved in with her first ever boyfriend within 4 months. They are now engaged and very happy.
Everyone's journey is different!
Hmm. FI and I met in September and I got a key in November. All my stuff was there by January. And we're 8 months from the wedding :)
Sometimes it just works out.
They aren't buy a house together are they? If that were the case, I'd probably voice some concern... depending on how close of a friend it was.
My husband and I moved in together after 4 months and, obviously, all turned out just fine.
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