Post # 1
Okay, so for the little things like, “Oh, I really want to see that movie!”/”No WAY am I ever seeing that!”, we’ve got it covered. But how do you compromise when it’s something a little more serious?
My example: I love dogs, (and pretty much animals of any kind). We have done foster care for several of them, and our own dog is one that we fostered. My hubby is not really a dog person, but he loves OUR dog. Other than our own dog, Mr. Apricot has never really liked the dogs we’ve fostered. Only one he’s really DISLIKED, most he was just neutral to. I LOVE fostering. I know I cannot adopt them all, but taking care of a dog until it finds its forever family is really special to me. Our last foster went to his family three months ago. My husband doesn’t want to foster anymore.
I would just volunteer at a shelter, but I live in a fairly rural area, and the nearest shelter is an hour away, (with school and work, I wouldn’t be able to spend much time volunteering, not to mention I don’t currently drive, so he’d probably have to take me). I don’t want to FORCE him to take on another foster and make him resentful. But if we don’t foster, I feel like I’m denying myself something I enjoy, and that makes me feel…I dunno…fulfilled.
I suppose I’m looking for a way we can BOTH be happy. Anyone have any ideas?
Post # 3
i don’t have an answer for you, but i am learning that sometimes you do have to give up a little bit of something you like to get something great- your fi!
i love traveling, i’ve been all over the world and us…. but my fi didn’t go on an airplane until he met me, and so far that was only one time. he does have an excuse, he has crohns so not being close to a bathroom is a huge fear for him, and that’s hard to do when traveling. do i miss traveling? yes. but do i love my fi more? of course! hopefully you can find a comprimise, just like we do little trips here and there. sure, it’s not to europe, but right now i’m just happy being with him.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
Aww this breaks my heart because I am such a dog lover. What is the placement process like? As in, are you able to spend time with dogs before you decide to foster them? YOu mentioned that he’s loved dogs in the past that you’ve fostered; maybe it’s still possible he can find a dog that he really “clicks” with if you’re able to take the time to be choosy and he has a big hand in the decision as to which dog you foster?
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2009 - Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
What about another animal? Does he like cats? My husband thinks he’s allergic to dogs so we compramised on a hypo allergenic one. Actually, it has to by hypoallergenic and we have to wait until the summer. It took me 4 years to get him to get on board the doggie train — don’t give up!!
Post # 6
You’re right– sometimes things are a compromise, and sometimes one of you may give in to the other even if it’s not what he/she really wants. (That’s quite different than a compromise!)
The fact that your hubs is clearly not a dog person, but that he’s given in to letting you have a dog in your family, and has grown to love your pup speaks to how much he’s willing to make space for the things that are important to you. You’re not compromising in this case; he is.
I understand that fostering dogs in your home is important to you. It sounds like he’s given in quite a lot (based on the number of dogs you say you’ve already given temporary homes). I’m not an expert on relationships– but I can say is that I’ve learned a lot over the last 10 years that my hubs and I have been married.
I’d suggest taking a little break from this one. Let him enjoy just having your dog for a while, without pushing him on the fostering thing. Guys are so funny– often with a little time and space, they totally come back around to the exact thing their girls really want. Not kidding!
Of course, if you decide this is a must for you, and you’re unwilling to give in, then you’ll just have to decide the best way to approach him. I’d suggest proceeding with caution.
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice, ladies!
We’ve never fostered more than one dog at a time, and have always taken some time off between them. I think part of my problem is that I’m REALLY feeling the baby craze kicking in, but we are waiting at least a year. I tend to pour my mothering instincts into the dogs. No, I don’t think pets are the same as kids, but it helps “take the edge off” so to speak. Hehe. I don’t think I’ve been TOO pushy about getting another since our last one left. Now and then I’ll look at the list of dogs needing foster homes and see a dog I think would be a good fit for us, and I’ll ask if he wants to foster him or her. If he says no, I pretty much drop it for a while.
We can’t foster cats, unfortunately. We have three of our own and one of them does NOT like cats not in his family. He is defintiely a cat lover, so if it weren’t for our “crabby tabby” we’d probably just foster cats instead.
I think I’ll take your advice and let it go for now…maybe we can compromise at some point and do a couple fosters a year or something, (they normally stay for 6-8 weeks). Thanks again, ladies!!!
Post # 8
Apricot, you have such a kind heart!
P.S. Happy very early anniversary!