When your best friend gets engaged after you….

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Birdiebaby4:  I can’t speak to the competition aspect, but my best friend and I pretty much planned our weddings together and it was really fun and brought us closer. Maybe that’s what your fiance is doing?

Well, I can speak to the competition aspect a little. My friend pretty much threw a wedding straight off my pinterest board. 😉

Post # 5
Member
1788 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No, I can’t relate. My best friend got engaged about a year after us, and her wedding is a couple weeks before ours. It never occurred to me to feel like I’m in a competition. You should relax and not let this ruin the exciting time leading up to your wedding. 

ETA: I see that you’re having a very long engagement. We did too. When you make the choice, you have to accept the fact that people who become engaged after you are likely to marry before you. It has nothing to do with competing, they’re just working off a different time frame that suits them. 

Post # 6
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am sure everything will be fine – from the tone of your post, it sounds like you’re more frustrated than upset (though it also sounds like you are very laid-back about it, too, so good for you!)

A wedding is a wedding, but it’s up to your FI to determine whether his friend is fit to be a good best man.
I would talk to him about what kind of information he discloses about your wedding – and maybe suggest he begin keeping some things to himself.
As un-fun as that is, we’ve found wedding planning to be much less stressful when it’s just the two of us with no outside competition and pressure.

In the meantine, just remember that you can always decline an invite (don’t want to go to that bachelorette part? Bridal shower? You don’t have to!) and I’d suggest just looking at their wedding as a welcome mini-vacation from planning your own. Because I bet by then, you could use a little partytime! 😀

Post # 7
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Birdiebaby4:  imo, relationships and marriage are not competition sports.  those who treat them as such, often fail.

i wouldn’t be bothered by their relationship/wedding and just focus on my own.

Post # 9
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had two cousins get engaged at the same time and planned their weddings 3 weeks apart. There has always been competition between the two of them and their weddings were no different. The one cousin is really bitchy and she spent the whole time during the planning process and wedding itself complaining about what the other cousin did/didn’t do.. It was awful, you could see the jealousy written all over her face. 

Fi and I got engaged slightly before both of them, but we decided to plan our wedding for several years later so that we wouldn’t be involved in any of it. 

Post # 11
Member
1788 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Birdiebaby4:  Haha that’s a good perspective! I see what you mean more clearly now. Honestly, if you’re concerned that they want it to be a competition of sorts, then I agree with a PP that you might want to ask your FI to keep details to himself. If you don’t want to tell him the real reason, say that it’s just for the sake of alleviating pressure and avoiding scrutiny. I imagine that you don’t have many things set in stone yet, so you should have plenty of opportunities to make private decisions. I’ve found it pretty easy to share nothing but the location, unless I’m talking to my parents. 

Post # 12
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I doubt they got engaged just to copy you. That is not why people marry.

Post # 15
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I was in the same situation as you! My fiance and I have been engaged for 16 months now, and about 3 months ago my fiance’s brother decided to propose to his girlfriend (also one of my best friends). Everyone was VERY shocked when they announced their engagement because last year my fiance’s brother told my best friend that he did not want to marry her (after dating for 4 years mind you) and that he never wanted to get married at all. My friend decided not to leave him because he has been her only long term boyfriend ever so she was afraid of never finding anyone else. And after hearing the proposal story, my fiance’s brother said he proposed because “it was the right thing to do.” (I’m guessing since they have been together 4.5 years now). That was my first red flag, he didn’t say he proposed to her because “he loved her” or anything like that, just because “it was the right thing to do.”……Fast forward a few months, they decided to plan their wedding exactly 2 weeks before ours!! I was PISSED!! They have known about out wedding date for over a year so its not like they were waiting on us to pick a date. We expressed our concerns about having family traveling twice within 2 weeks but they didn’t seem to understand. All of his family would be flying in from Rhode Island to South Carolina, so that it not a trip you want to make twice so close together. Family members would end up having to pick and chose which wedding they would want to go to, and since theirs was going to be first we thought everyone would choose to go to their wedding….And on top of it she chose out same wedding color (purple) so I felt like everything was turning into a competition…..After a few weeks of this back and forth competition my fiance and I decided to change our wedding colors because we did have a few other color schemes that we liked so that wasn’t so much of a big deal to use (but still VERY annoying) but we did end up booking our venue so the wedding date was not going to change. We ended up sitting his brother and my friend down and expressed our concerns, and after a little arguing they finally decided to change their date. So I would say, just sit down and talk to them about your concerns and how you think it isn’t fair and you don’t appreciate it.

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