Post # 1
DH and I were traveling in the Caribbean. He was driving since it was a left-hand drive island and I’m not used to that. DH saw a guy hitchhiking at the side of the road and without asking me, offered him a ride.
I was not happy about this and afterwards asked DH if he would at least ask me if it’s ok with me next time. He said he couldn’t promise he would do so.
A few facts:
- DH comes from NZ where I think hitchhiking might be more common. He did it when he was younger and he says he’s picked up people before.
- I have never hitchhiked – maybe I’m a prude but it’s not something I’m comfortable with.
- The guy we picked up was smelly and kind of sketchy, which probably made me more annoyed than I should have been. DH picked up on his sketchiness quickly and we dropped him off at the ice cream stand about 10 minutes later.
- I rarely ask DH to consult with me on stuff before he does anything (we make a lot of decisions jointly but also give each other a lot of breathing room) and we rarely disagree about anything but I felt like this was kind of a big deal (again, I may have been biased by the smelliness of the guy.) I think DH is more comfortable with hitchhikers having done it when he was younger, so it probably seems like I’m nagging or being paranoid
Would love to hear other bee’s thoughts – have you hitchhiked and would you pick up hitchhikers?
Post # 3
@canuckandakiwi: Oh my god, I would have straight up panicked. I’m a pretty sketchy person myself–FI calls me “worst-case scenario K”–and would never be able to do that without expecting to die.
I mean, if you’re both comfortable wiht it, that’s one thing, but I think he definitely should have discussed with you prior to offering your car up to a stranger.
Post # 4
Yea that’s not okay. There’s a reason that hitchhiking is illegal in the states (at least most states that I know of)…it may be safe and accepted in NZ, but definitely is not so here, and I don’t know enough about the Caribbean to think that it’s any safer there.
I’d explain to him why you are concerned, maybe provide some stats or articles on hitchhiking in the US – not to try to scare him, but to let him know that it’s just not safe.
Post # 5
I would pitch a fit if someone I was in a car with picked up a hitchhiker. The person needing a ride might be perfectly safe, but I’m very wary of that sort of thing, so I wouldn’t be comfortable at all.
Post # 6
People end up murdered that way.
Post # 7
@canuckandakiwi: My family has picked up a hitchhiker before. We were heading to a ski slope and saw a guy off to the side of the road with a snowboard who was trying to hitchhike.
I’ve shared cabs with strangers, but I’ve never hitchhiked on the side of the road. Generally I try to be careful about these things.
Post # 8
Never hitchiked. Never picked up a hitchiker. My husband has never done either as well.
I would be incredibly angry with my husband if he picked up a random person without consulting with me first. Somehow I find this situation especially dangerous in that you two were in a foreign country. Regardless of his upbringing/culture, not validating your concerns and not being able to promise you that it would not happen again is unacceptable. Since he can’t make you the promise of never to pick up a hitchiker again, then maybe you can’t promise to let him drive while you’re in the same car with him. This is a big issue that must be addressed. Hope it all works out. 🙂
Post # 9
SO would never pick up a hitchhiker. I have picked up hitchhikers in my teens because I was clearly crazy and on drugs. It’s not something I would do now unless, maybe, it was a woman with kids. I have gotten a ride before, but it was also a woman with kids.
Post # 10
I’m waaaay to paranoid. I’ll give someone money for a bus/train ticket AND call a cab before I allow a stranger in the car.
Post # 11
One word: NOPE.
I’ve seen too many horror flicks about hitchhikers.
Post # 12
@canuckandakiwi: Yikes- I don’t hitchhike or pick up hitchhikers! DH wouldn’t have picked the guy up, especially as we have a toddler and wouldn’t have a hitchhiker in the car with our son. We would have no problems giving someone some money for a bus ticket!
Post # 13
I would never ever pick up a hitchhiker nor would I hitchhike. My husband says he would pick one up…depending on the state of his car!
Post # 14
Totally depends where you are. I’ve done this all the time in SE Asia, where it’s really common as long as you keep your wits about you. I’ve also offered to pick up stranded people in the UK, although I don’t think I can remember hitching in the UK.
I always want to stop the car when I see stranded cars by the road and offer help, which may or may not include a lift, but DH would throw a fit. I would do it if I was alone or with someone else though. A hitch hiker with no car? Depends on the person… if I thought they were sketchy, I wouldn’t do it. I would also be more likely to do it in the country than in towns (more dodgy people in towns), and more likely to do it in Northern England, where people are actually nice to each other. I would be less likely to do it at night.
My parents’ generation used to hitch all the time. I think the risks are wildly exaggerated. That said, I think the Caribbean is supposed to be super duper dodgy for hitchers? Think I heard that somewhere.
Post # 15
DH and I have stopped next to car on the road to make sure they have a cell or have already called for help. When I was a kid my parents used to pick up hitchhikers like it was their job. They both grew up in NYC so the idea of living in the suburbs/sticks and seeing people have to walk miles to get anywhere due to lack of bus/train, seemed ridiculous. All the teenagers in our nieghborhood hitched. Then all these murders started happening, either the hitch hikers were murdering or the people picking them up killed the hitch hikers.
So I just don’t do either.
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I do think there’s a big difference between hitchhiking here in the US, and hitchhiking elsewhere. I would NEVER do it here. (Actually that’s not true, I’ve done it while kayaking and tubing to get back up the road to our cars, but that’s only a couple miles along a very common boater hitchhiking route.)
But I’ve certainly hitchhiked, and picked up hitchhikers, while living and traveling in other countries. It’s way more accepted and common, and therefore not nearly as sketchy. Most of them tend to be young people out traveling who don’t want to pay for a bus (me included!).
So, I can definitely see your husband’s point of view. (Although I don’t know if hitchhikers in the Carribbean are normal or sketchy.)
However, if you’re really uncomfortable with something (and you’re witihn reason and don’t pull this all the time, as it sounds like you don’t), he needs to accept that even if he doesn’t agree. That part of Marriage 101.