Post # 1
Happy Friday, Bees!
A little background info: I’m currently in a serious, live-in relationship – if all goes well and as planned, we’ll be engaged by the end of this year. I admit we spend a good amount of time together, and have grown to be, as some would say, “embarrassingly domestic”. We like to cook dinners at home during the week, we watch movies and bbq on our deck on Friday nights, and rarely do the whole bar hopping thing alone or together. We still have our own hobbies, and make separate time for our friends.
However, I have a select few friends that are obsessed with “the old days”. They constantly want me to go out and have wild nights with them on the weekends, when, call me boring, but I simply would rather be at home with my boyfriend making s’mores and playing board games. I always get slack about “ditching out”, when I “see my boyfriend every waking moment”.
Tonight my boyfriend and I are planning to go to a free concert on the boardwalk, along with half our like-minded beach town. My friend wants to go, but asked me to tell my boyfriend to stay behind so we can have “girl time”, and hit the bars after, just the two of us. I really don’t think that telling my boyfriend to remain home would really be the kindest or wisest thing to do. I think my friend is being ridiculus in her demand but I don’t really know how to tell her, without sounding insensitive to the fact that she is single herself.
Anyone have similar woes with friends? How do you react?
Post # 3
My FI and I are the same way as you guys…we prefer to hang out at home, play games, take it easy. We do go out the odd time, but usually we stay in. If I were in your situation, I would simply say that you were both going to go to the show but perhaps you could all go out together and maybe go out after for a bit too. State that you know it wouldn’t be a girls night, but you have already made these plans and that if they want to join you guys they are more than welcome to. Maybe see if any other male friends of yours or your FI’s would want to go as well. I would leave it at that. Like you, I would be mad if my FI told me to stay home, so I wouldn’t want to do that to him either! It’s up to them to accept the offer or be petty because a boy is there. Have fun tonight!
Post # 4
There is boy time and there is friend time. Don’t mix the two and all is well. Give your friend another date you’re available. Obv you already planned to go with your boyfriend, so she should get over it, but make it up to her by doing something another time with her. If you ditch your friends TOO much, though, you may not have any in a few years. You can definitely find a good balance.
and, IMO, they don’t mix very well unless it’s a group thing
Post # 5
Have you talked to your bf? While I completely understand that you’ve settled down (like I have), it’s really important to not push your girlfriends away at the same time. I would suggest all three of you going to the concert, and then go out with the girls.
Post # 6
The thing is, I am very well connnected with most my girl friends. I see the majority of them 3-4 times a week, without my boyfriend being present at all. I just have a group of like, 3 girl friends who mainly like to party on the weekends – these are sorts of events they invite me to and then give me slack when I decline.
Post # 7
I was always the single girl, so I do sympathize with your friends. However, you are just at a different stage in your life and they need to accept it. You eventually find a social circle to do the partying/travel/whatever with. Never cut out your girlfriends–they become more and more important as you get older. Maybe once a month or so, you can do the weekend thing with your friends.
Post # 8
My SO has had more issue with this than I have. All my close girls are either married or in serious relationships and his core group of boys are all single. It makes it very difficult for us to do anything with his boys (as I’m the only one there without a penis) as a couple so I try to ensure that he gets his boy time. I’ve been letting my girl time slack a wee bit over the past couple of months but solving that this afternoon. It’s a tricky situation to be in but your friends should try and understand that your life has changed and celebrate that you are happy rather than tear you down.
Post # 9
That happens to me too. In that situation I think I would tell my friend that my boyfriend and I already had plans to go together but if she wanted to join you and then the two of you could go out after sans boyfriend that might be a good idea.
My friends are always going out partying or bar hoping and I rarely want to go out. They tell me to “come on, have fun once in awhile” and I get a little offended because I do have fun, just not doing the same things.
The last time I went out with my friends for a girls night I wound up on my friends couch while 3 or the 4 girls I was out with went home with random guys! So going out again is not top on my list! I like to do dinner or shopping but a night at the bars is not usually my idea of fun.
Post # 10
Yeah, it’s definitely not that I don’t enjoy hanging out with my girl friends because I do – very, very much. But when it comes down to it, I would much rather get together for brunch, and then spend the day at the beach, or do some shoe shopping. I suppose it’s true – bars sorta lose their appeal once you’re taken. I would much rather be home Friday night doing “boring” things with the fella than risk a hang-over ruining my Saturday afternoon. I’m lucky that some of my girl friends feel the same way I do about this.
I just wish these particular friends would appreciate that I would love to get together and spend time with them, but heavy drinking and all-night partying just isn’t a part of my lifestyle anymore.
Post # 11
I want to make sure I’ve got this right: You’d rather go and have a good time with your friend and NOT bar hop or have a “wild night out” (in a girls-gone-wild type night)?
If that’s the case, and you hang with your friends in other ways, I’d say they’re the ones not growing up. No offense meant. If you’re not into it anymore, they aren’t respecting YOUR feelings. Instead of hitting the bars, suggest something else and just say you’re not into bar hopping anymore.
If they aren’t going to respect you and your desires, then perhaps you should rethink the friendship? Especially if they aren’t willing to do anything OTHER than bar hop and (probably?) hooking up with someone there.
Maybe next time you get a request, you could gently express your feelings and suggest a date and time to do something else, like a dinner and movie or shopping and a movie?