- 8 years ago
I’m just wondering if there are any of you out there who are like me.
Basically, according to my BMI, I’m overweight. I could stand to lost 30 pounds. When I was 15 (and had been heavy for most of my life at that point), I made the decision to give my lifestyle a total overhaul. I consulted a nutritionist, became a vegetarian, and began working out diligently. Health-wise, I left all my peers in the dust. I became known as the “health nut”. I slimmed down a little bit and got really, really toned, but never lost a pound. In fact, my weight went up. My doctor attributed this to “lean muscle”. Basically, I was the same dress size I was before, just with a “harder” body. I liked my new strength, but I was still self-conscious about the fact that I was still “bigger” than all my peers. I still felt “fat”. And since “healthy” means “skinny” in the minds of most of my relatives back home, they were still calling me “fat”. That situation led to a bout of anorexia that stalled my menstrual cycle, made me lose lots of hair, and turned my skin into an ashy mess, but I didn’t lose a pound. That might have been a miracle in disguise, because any weight loss would have simply fueled the fire, and kept me on that dangerous path.
Where am I going with all this? Let me see if I can steer us back on track.
My wedding was last weekend. It was fantastic. I have never been happier. Looking at some of the photos my friends took, you can see the happiness in my face. And I was certainly not a skinny bride. I actually get asked if I’m pregnant almost daily (rude, I know), and my dad’s relatives are always not-so-quietly slipping me suggestions on how I can lose weight. But on my wedding day, none of this mattered, and I’m trying to find a way to carry that attitude over into my day-to-day life.
I recently had blood tests to check all the usual stuff, and as I suspected, I’m as healthy as a horse. Everyone in my family has high cholesterol except me. My blood pressure is spot on. I have an impeccable diet. I’m doing everything right.
Is there anyone else out there who is healthy, but not thin? Do you face the same periods of self-doubt that I do? Do you dream of doing something to shift the association between health and slimness?
If I’m ranting, I apologize. Sometimes, I just get so discouraged by what I hear (and when people ask me when I’m “due”…haha.)
Thanks, Bees. 🙂