Post # 1
..is anything the right thing to say?
I don’t necessarily mean like you both had a fight, but let’s just say that your SO had like a really bad day at work or in my SO’s case, problems with this family.
Asking what’s wrong is wrong, asking about his day is wrong, so pretty much the only thing I can say is ‘I love you’ and wait it out. We’re in a semi-LDR at the moment, so it’s really hard to not check up on him and make sure he’s okay, because I know that’ll just make it worse. I have preparations for family coming for the holidays to keep me busy, but it’s so difficult sometimes not to call and just ask outright what the problem is.
Post # 3
I don’t see why it would be wrong to ask any of those things… Mr Rugbee is the most patient person I know, so when he is in a bad mood I always assume it’s because of me. Usually when I ask him what’s going on he realises he’s being cranky and apologizes.
Just out of curiosity; why is your SO mad?
Post # 4
FI usually always tells me what is bothering him or on his mind, but if he doesn’t, I will use some variation of the phrase “It seems like something is on your mind, and I just want you to know I’m hear to listen if you want to talk about it.” And then you have to mean it. Don’t keep pushing and prodding for answers. Sometimes just knowing that you’re there with them in case they want to talk gives them the peace they need.
Post # 5
@MrsRugbee: He’s at his parents’ home for the holidays and when you get that many people in one tiny space, drama erupts–like really bad. All he would tell me was how much he hated being there.
Post # 6
@Cory_loves_this_girl: +1. Offer to listen if he wants to talk about, but don’t push if he doesn’t want to talk about. Sometimes after a bad day, I just want to be alone/not talk about it so I can work it out in my own head. Do your best not to internalize his anger because it’s nothing that you did and he’s not mad at you personally.
Post # 7
When my fiance is mad/upset about something, I have found the best way to handle it is similar to what you do. Let him know I’m here if he needs me, and that I love him, and then give him space. He needs time to process things, I think, and he always comes to me to talk when he’s ready.
Post # 8
He just likes to be left alone for the most part. I respect his space and eventually he opens up and rants. I listen and don’t judge. Some people would rather just deal with it on their own.
Post # 9
my dh was mad earlier today because his soccer team lost. he just gets quiet and sad. i usually leave him alone for an hour or so. that’s usually his “grieving period”.
Post # 10
I just give him space until he wants to talk and vice versa. I’m usually one to want to talk about something right away if I’ve had a bad day, but there are definitely times that I just need some quiet for a little instead.
Post # 11
@misskittenn: My FI is the same way when he is upset. I usually just say “Im sorry you are having a bad day” and then let him have some time to cool off. He always says how much he appreciates how I handle him when he’s mad. I know to just let him be and when he’s calm he always come to me and tells me why he was upset or just thanks me for giving him the time that he needed. 🙂 I wouldnt worry about it too much, he will tell you what’s wrong once he’s ready to talk about it.
Post # 12
Really, I will ask my DH what’s wrong. Either he tells me, or he says he doesn’t want to talk about it. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, I will simply leave him alone. After a few hours, I might ask again, or ask if he’s feeling better. Try to give him space, I really can’t stand when I am pissed off and people are bugging me or trying the cheer me up. Just let me be grumpy!