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When he told me he would quit his job, and take any job he could find, just so that we could stop being in a long distance relationship and be together. We had known each other for ten months. He got a job (in his field) and moved three months later. It was the sacrifice he was willing to make for me, and his refusal to ask me to quit my job and move his way, that made me realize how much I loved him.
I was in love with my fiance from early in our relationship, and I am in love now (almost 5 years later) but it's definitely deeper and different, more of a true partnership through thick and thin. We definitely know each other on a different level now vs. a year or two into the relationship.
When we decided to go LDR for 4+ years including TWO 8 month stints of not seeing each other.
No lust there! lol
After the first year, which was mostly long distance, I moved to DC. I couldn't find a job for six months. Our rent was high and we had no furniture but a table, two stools, and a bed. We ate a ton of cheesy rice and probably qualified for food stamps.
We never ever fought during those six months. We just made it work. We had nothing and it was still ok. That's how I knew.
When he stepped off the plane to visit me during the year that I studied abroad. The fact that he supported me to travel across the world to fufill a dream I always had, I knew I was in love. To see him walk off that plane made me realize how lucky I was in that I could be with him for the rest of my life.
I must still be in lust? Cause I want to jump his bones every time I see him lol!! I adore him and when we're apart I miss him like crazy. I still find it strange to have missed him before I met him. I looked for him for almost 28 years of my life and my life and my son's life are so much better now that he's in it. I would say that I love him as much as I lust after him because we've had some very trying times in the past year (opening TWO new businesses almost simultaneously was insane, but they brought us closer to each other and I just adore him).. sigh... hmmm maybe I should go tickle his toes now to wake him up (he hates that btw)
I feel like the responsibility of buying a home brought us to reality pretty quickly. We're still very much musy and lovey, but it's just ... I don't know how to describe it. Solid? Even-keeled? There are still sparkles, but it also feels like a slow burn that will last years and years and years.
I feel like we had this really short window to be "in lust" and then we had to live in the real world, LOL. I deployed very shortly after we started dating, then I came back for three months only to deploy again, then I was back for two months, and had to deploy AGAIN! When we started planning our wedding I knew it was love, because we have to deal with life and bills, and family issues and all that, and we have to do it apart from each other so much. And he STILL loves me and of course I adore him. Now that I'm preggers, it feels like an even deeper love. For him it's because I've "accepted all of [him]. Having [his] baby is like taking every part of a person's soul and accepting it for what it is." (I love the way he talks!) But anyway, yeah I guess it took maybe 3-4 years before I sat down and reflected on our relationship and realized we have something really special.
I honestly don't know if I ever had "lust" with my husband. Our relationship just is and was never like that
If anything I was "in lust" with the idea of him at 1st. I was so excited to find this person who was everything I had been looking for. I remeber coming home from our 2nd date and my heart was racing with excitment
But with that being said...I have felt like this was a much more calm realtionship. I never felt the extreme highs and lows that happen when you are in lust...or in a young-intese realtionship. Its way more emotional than it is physical.
Is this sad? Is this normal? I don't know
I think it went from being really into him and liking him alot...to LOVE after 6 months or so. I think that nothing is sexier than a man who is THERE for you. Things like supporting you thru a hard time. Things like scraping the ice off your car windwos. That is what made me fall in love with him. After getting to know each other in and out...and being there to support each other thru some tought stuff....I fell in love with him
I think we are still very much in the lust stage, to be honest... in that, we are in a LDR and I feel like I am dying most days, especially lately. But we are in love too, and we know that we have the love and loyalty that will grow into the mature relationship you have now, Pengy. I honestly think it is very romantic to marry when you are still infatuated... I know so many couples that did, and its remembering that spark that keeps them going even as they have gotten more comfortable with the passing years.
I guess ours is a slow burn. I find myself more attracted to my honey now than ever before, and to be quite frank when we first met, it wasn't like instant attraction. (I didn't even think we'd EVER date each other thanks to our ages).
I wouldn't even acknowledge that I loved him for nearly the first year of our relationship, and I think the slow burn of things has been advantageous for us. I do think he's my one great love and I feel so lucky to be with him. Real life is so much more fun with a partner that cracks you up the whole way!
Mr. Snow and I were friends first, then did long distance for the first year of our relationship, so I think the absence contributed to the OMGMISSYOUSOMUCHCANNOTNOTTALKTOYOU infatuation (and we had a lot of tough, but excellent conversations during that first year about how we wanted to balance our relationship and our autonomy).
In all honesty, in the first few months of dating I had an intense feeling of "this is who I want to spend my time with...long-term" and so did he, but that didn't stop us from proceeding cautiously (we'll have "dated" for almost 8 years when we get married..."cautious" might be too conservative a term...lol).
If we hadn't had to deal with health issues and big life changes, I think we would have gotten married around 25 (4 years into dating). That's when I think we both knew we could just be with one another...
I think we we're beyond lust and were really in love after we had living with each other for a about a year.
Hmm, I really did feel like were in love from the first time we said it to each other, which was about 3.5 months into our relationship. We were still definitely in the "lust" phase at that point. I think we knew it was real b/c we almost broke up at that point in our relationship--but that is when we realized we were in love and didn't want to live without each other. For me, at least. I dunno what the Dude would say. :)
I knew very soon after I met Mr. Valhalla that I loved him. And he loved me. We were so...CONNECTED. I can't explain it. Our love has deepened and changed in ways I never thought possible, but I still feel that same amazing connection with him that I did a few months after we began dating.
My FMIL is a bit of an ex-hippy, and she strongly believes in astrology. After we met, she immediately wanted to do our charts and see how the stars aligned in our favor. We just sort of went with it (it was early in the relationship and the last thing I wanted to do was offend FMIL), but she did the charts and said she had never seen two peoples chart who were as compatible as we were. Even though I am not into astrology, it was neat to hear that possibly the stars even felt the same way I did about our relationship ;)
We took a trip to India together about six months into the relationship. When we got back, I realized we had something really solid, and it altered how I planned my last year of college. It was a really fun trip, but it was also really hard (totally independent, we were hopping public buses and trains and haggling and AH!). He put up with my crazy, and we got to know eachother really well. When I look back now I still can't believe he went with me so quick! If something terrible happened and I was back out on the market, I can't imagine going that fast. I think I am less malleable now. Or maybe he is just so much a part of me. Either way, that was the time we made the transition. I've kind of known ever since then, even though this was back in the summer of 2004.
At the point we started thinking like a unit, considering how both our decisions affected one another.
I feel like we're just making that shift though!
Ohh, we were in "lust" for about two years! We were 14/15/16 at that time, so the hormones added to it, I guess. ;)
I can't remember the exact situation, but I think my parents had just told me they wouldn't be helping me out financially after I graduated high school. At this point they already had me paying my own groceries and cell bill, but the thought of rent and bills and textbooks, etc, just made me want to cry. It all seemed so overwhelming. R took me out on a long drive and told me that we'd help each other through it, and that he would always be there.
That's actually the same time we decided on "our song" - Tiny Dancer, by Elton John, which came on the radio as we were driving.
I definetly know what you're talking about Pengy. I've gone through that stage with every serious boyfriend so I felt like I was mentally prepared to not get too far ahead of myself during that time.
This is going to sound kind of stupid, but I knew we were getting out of that stage when we started to fight/bicker like normal people. Not that we do a lot, but for about a year and a half we did not fight one.single.time. And that might be normal for some people, but that is NOT normal for me. I'm Italian people. For me that was a sign that I was coming out of la la land where nothing every bothered me.
But by that stage our love was much deeper than it had been. More stable and trusting and tested that it had been originally. Wow, that seems cheesy. But you ladies know what I mean!
I'll also say that the love and the lust have a significant overlap - they are not mutually exclusive.
cbgg: Thanks for saying that. I felt a little sheepish admitting that FI and I are still very much infatuated with each other, but I think we are also in love. You have to have that in a LDR!
We were so madly in love the first few months we were together that it just dimmed all prior romances seriously. But we still (at year 2) have that pretty much now, but in addition,there is the deeper aspect of "us" that has me in awe.
I had a really difficult situation (with my grandmother and the decision to be made by my sis and I whether to put in a feeding tube) last week and there was no good way out of the situation. No good answer. The end result was the same--she is going to pass. I just remember crying and walking out of the room as I've done so long before because I had been alone for so many years. He walked over to me, told me to come sit down and put my head on his shoulder. He said he couldn't make it better, but we'd face it together and I cried for about an hour quietly right there on his shoulder.
That one instance made me realize we're in love. And that it's a deep, mature love. Plus when I see him with my son and how he is? (better than his own bio dad is with him) I am just in awe of this "thing" we created together. We've made a family.
bellenga: That's very sweet. I am so happy that you found T!
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I would definitely say that my husband and I are in love now (of course!), but I really feel like we were in lust for the first years of our relationship, and not truly in love. You know how it is... like you feel like you're dying when you're apart, and all that really fun stuff that comes along with a new relationship. I think it was hard to really assess the viability of our relationship in those first years---were we really in love? Or was it just intense infatuation?
I really don't feel like I could totally determine that I was truly, deeply, and for-the-long-haul in love until many years into our relationship... I think around year 4 or 5. Once all the lust had worn away and we were facing our real lives---bills, family issues, career hurdles, etc. Facing daily adversity together, and being able to sit around with my husband without the need to entertain each other, and just be---that's when I really felt like we were officially, truly in love.
I know it's different for everyone, but what about you? When did you really realize that you were "in love---and in love for the long haul" with your SO? Do you think you were in lust, and then in love, or did you feel truly in love with your SO very early in your relationship?