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Yikes! I can say I know how you feel but we aren't having an alma mater wedding. We are just having a regular old wedding but have already had many people who weren't even on our guest list say, "We can't wait for the wedding we have already started looking at hotels!" or "Dude when do I get the invitation?" or the best "I already bought a dress for the wedding and can't WAIT! What are you guys having for options for meals? I ask cuz I'm a vegetarian and just want to be sure!" Wait...what...are you kidding me! I state the usual, "We are very excited about the day as well but have not put together the whole guest list. Unfortunately our venue is not that large and need to include family first which is huge!" I kind of laugh it off to them but it's like seriously! I would never!!
RIght? Thank you! What is wrong with people??? I would never imagine assuming I was invited to anyone's wedding!
I've had at least 3 people say this ON FACEBOOK! They just posted on my wall "congrats on being engaged! I better be invited!" - and some of these people were only casual friends I haven't spoken to in years. Manners much?
I don't assume I am invited to anyone's wedding, and especially if I am just a casual friend or acquaintance. And I certainly would never ask if I was invited. I figure that if I am invited I will receive an invitation. I think when the first words out of people's mouth's after "congrats!" are "am I invited?" it is very telling that they are just in it for the party/photo opps/meal & booze. UGH. I am extremely lucky that I haven't had any of those comments (that I can remember) but I do think asking to be invited is very rude and tacky.
I can relate. I'm the captain of my color guard for our university's marching band, and all my guardies keep asking about invites (I just graduated in Dec). If I were to invite all of them, just from this year, it would be an extra 20 people! Yikes. I don't know what we're going to do, cause some of them are really good friends of mine.
I had a girl who got me evicted say that since I then moved in with my boyfriend (now DH) she better be invited since she's the reason we're getting married. I was like, "Seriously? Are you stupid?" I feel you, you are handling it perfectly!
People should realize its a PRIVILEGE to witness someone's marriage - not a RIGHT! I have a friend who keeps asking me who out of our mutual friends are invited - I hate tellnig him because when he asks why someone ISN'T invited I feel like I have to explain myself when really, I shouldn't!
So tacky! Ahhh! I hate that!
Miss Manners (love her!) would say to respond, "We are having a wedding with just family and close friends".
I love the 'dont forget us!', 'dont forget to invite my parents', 'dont forget about my sisters and brothers', 'i got a cute dress and cant wait to bring my date' (when they were only invited singly), 'you have to invite your sister's mother and father in law', 'can my son be your ring boy?', 'my daughter is sad because she's not your flower girl', 'tell your cousin not to bring his girlfriend because I dont like her', 'if my dad doesnt go my brother will fill his place', it can go on and on and on!!!!
self-invites are really frustrating. I hope you find a way to let them down gently - and I hope it doesn't happen again!
my whole office (it's small, only 7 of us) seems to think they are invited. in reality, i'm only inviting one person who is one of my best friends (and never mentions the wedding in front of people here). one of my bosses was like 'i'm putting your wedding on my calendar!!" and im like 'ummm..well its a saturday so you don't need to do that.." and when they ask details about the wedding, i have specifically said, several times, that we are having a very small wedding (its not that small...110, but they dont know that), and that only family and VERY close friends are invited. they still aren't getting the hint.
@tammyt112 the "if my dad doesn't go my brother will fill his place" one frustrated me the most. I had multiple family members say "Well since this person in my family can't make it, my daughter is bringing her boyfriend (of 1 month who DH nor I had ever met!) Ugh, I remember wanting to rip my hair out over that!
I love the I invited or people asking questions like how many people are coming oh i havent got an invitation yet blah blah blah HELLO get a hint if i could i would invite everyone but truth be I cant money is money and not many people have alot of it.
Ugh what is wrong with people?!! If they are going to be that blatantly rude to try to invite themselves, I think you can be pretty blatant as well in your response. I second the "We are having a wedding with just family and close friends" answer. It's pretty blunt, but I think it's fair.
That's terrible. People are so rude. I would never fish for an invitation to a wedding - half the time I've gone to weddings I'm thinking "Why am I here?" since I'm not super close to either part of the couple.
A ton of people are doing this to my FI but we have a strict "no randoms" policy. If we don't talk to them on a regular basis - they're not invited.
People in my office have mentioned stuff about it but I'm thinking if I only wanted to invite 100 people there's no way 40 of them would be co-workers and their SO. I just don't talk about it and won't till it's over.
The whole "transferring invites" thing is SO ANNOYING. We invited a cousin and her two children and she recently casually mentioned that she'd be bringing her formerly estranged husband instead of one of the kids. What killed me is that we only found out when we... called her... about something totally unrelated. She had no intention of picking up the phone and letting us know herself. Her husband (honestly, I don't even know if they're still married) would've shown up and been placed at the kid's table.
We were merciless about cutting our list though. Just be tough but nice. You've gotta do what you gotta do.
Hey VirginiaMarie! We have the same alma mater. So.... where's my invitation?!
Before people get married themselves, they have no idea what goes into it and they just think it's fun. Don't blame them. It's annoying, but they don't get it yet--they're only 3 years out of college.
Think of something nice to say, like "well, we don't know yet, but we think it's going to be a pretty small wedding, mostly just family" and then maybe "do you want to hang out later" or something. They don't yet know that it's a huge expense to invite one more person (or another 50...).
If they think it's small, then everyone who does get invited will be really happy about it, and those who don't won't feel snubbed.
ALSO everyone has a VERY different definition of small. Like anywhere from 2 - 200 can be "SMALL" (no really) depending on what kind of background you come from.
It totally sucks to deal with this though. Sorry they keep pestering you with it!
this happens far too often D: We can only get 18 people for our super small/casual wedding so NO I will not invite you casual-friend-of-a-friend-whos-phone-number-I-dont-even-know! I cant even invite my freakin aunts!
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FI and I are having an alma mater wedding on our undergraduate campus. We've been out of college for three years now and are still in touch with lots of our college friends.
But, don't think this is a big college party---it's a very formal wedding. But, FI and I are starting to realize that our many friends (and many more acquaintances) are probably thinking of our wedding as a big college reunion bash. Not cool.
FI and I have gotten more than one email that says this (NO JOKE, I copied and pasted this for you, it's the entire email):
Hey man, what's up? When's your wedding and am I coming?
Wow. Ugh, seriously? No, you're not invited. We were just buddies in college and even now we tailgate with you MAYBE once a year.
Anyone else having an alma mater wedding? Anyone having this problem? We figure it's because: 1. We are recently graduated (not far removed from the college scene). 2. We're both alum from the same University (ie: lots, and lots of mutual friends. 3. We're having it on campus.