(Closed) Where did you live BEFORE the wedding?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

I said I would never live with someone before being enaged but I was transferred abroad for my work and my fiance (bf at the time) came with me and it seemed pretty silly to make him get another place.  So when we came back we continued to live together and it’s been wonderful. 

I am so glad we got the stormy first few months (which I hear are pretty standard) out of the way because fighting over who cleans what would be a bummer as newlyweds.  I also had a chance to see all the sides of him and confirm that this is really who I want to have as a lifelong roommate. We are planning on buying our own place before or soon after our wedding so that will be fun.

Post # 4
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

We’re living apart, but that wasn’t really out of choice since we’re long distance (school).  We’ll still be living apart (same long distance) for another year or two after the wedding.  Probably would’ve moved in together if we had the choice though.

Post # 5
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I lived in my house.  Fiance ended up moving in about a month before the wedding.

An additional adjustment on top of just living together is that I owned the house for two years (bought it before we met) before he moved in.  So one of our ajustments was it going from ‘my’ house to our house.  Which as much as you say it out loud – it was hard for him to feel like it was ‘our’ place 🙂

I grew up not wanting to live together or have sex until marriage.  Be it values, religion, etc – I’m sure lots of things played into my belief – it’s just who I am.  Fiance had lived with two girlfriends previously for long periods of time.  That was wierd for me to get used to!

Of course there’s been that learning to live together adjustment period.  Probably magnified some since we only dated for 14 months before we got married – so there’s a ton we didn’t know about each other or hadn’t experienced that someone in a 5 year relationship has.  I wouldn’t change anything.  I’m traditional – I enjoy the getting married and living together change 🙂  It’s special.

Post # 6
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Very glad I moved in with my fiance.  I have been living with him for 4 years now, and we are still juggling housework!  If I had not lived with him first, i think I would have been worried about how it would work out.  then when a little fight would come up, I propably would have blown it out of proportion.  And I am roman catholic so it is definatly against my religion, but its not like I go to church every week anyway.

 Now I know for sure that this is the man (my best friend) that I want to spend the rest of my life with!!!

Candi

Post # 7
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We started living together after we got engaged.  FI owns his house and I was renting so it just made sense for me to move in with him when my lease was up.  Also, with the high amount of student loans (somewhere in the 6 figures) that I have, we need to economize as much as possible. 

So far, I love living with him but I’m glad that we waited until after we were engaged to do it.  It just feels nice to know that the only man I have lived with is going to be my husband.

Post # 8
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

We don’t live together currently, but we’ll be moving in together about a month before the wedding. I live alone in an apartment, and he has a roommate. We’re moving to a different city together, so it just made sense to wait until the move to move in together. I also had religious reasons not to live together, though FI previously lived with a girlfriend in college.

Let me clarify, FI and I went to a pre-marital seminar at our church, and one of the priests said that, since the 1970s, almost every couple he has counseled for marriage has been living together. It isn’t that my church/denomination is deadset against it, but I am going into the ministry and one of the canons specifies that ordained people cannot have sex outside of marriage. It would not have looked good for me to be openly flouting that canon while going through the discernment process.  

I really like that we’re getting married and moving somewhere new together all in one fell swoop. It was exciting looking for a place knowing that would be our new home together instead of "his place" or "my place".

We have talked about and worked out most of who is responsible for what chore, but I imagine there will be some growing pains in that regard. No one said marriage was easy.

How we’re going about it is definitely the right way for us. Obviously if one person is moving somewhere and the other person goes with, yeah, it doesn’t always make sense to get two places. But for us, I’m really glad that we’re waiting until right before the wedding to move in together.

Post # 9
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

We started living together in his tiny apartment sophomore year of college after only dating for 6 months.  It’s now three years (and one much much better apartment) later and I’m still not sick of him! Granted, we knew we wanted to get married at age 18, one week after meeting. Before him I figured I’d get married early 30’s if at all.

 Honestly, I really recommend living together first.  You’re not supposed to have major living issues with your beloved and if you do, and you can’t fix it, it’s a red flag that you shouldn’t be together. You learn a lot about each other living and sleeping together and I would hate for you to figure out something AFTER you said your vows. And all this from a practicing and proud catholic (we’re talkin NFP and everything), whoda thunk it?

Post # 10
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

we are living together going on 2 years now and yes it’s great to have all the problems solved from the beginning before heading into marriage together.  we still get into arguments but like any relationship, we just learn from it and move on

Post # 11
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

We are not living together before we get married. I want to live as a single woman while I am single and he feels the same way. I also have religious reasons for not wanting to live toghether. Okay…I’ll admit it….the final clincher is that my parents would not pay for any part of the wedding if we lived together before we got married It’s interesting to me because although there are reasons for going both ways, people often question my decision to not live with my FI before we get married. It annoys me a bit because I never question their decisions; I am just making a different choice.

Post # 12
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

We bought a house together and moved in together about 8 months before getting engaged (and have now been married almost a year). We had some adjustments to make, but not a ton since I had been staying over at his place pretty much every night anyways.

Nothing really influenced our decision, other than it making sense and being the best step for us to take in our relationship. (Well, and the housing market at the time!) Neither of us are religious to the point where we were practicing abstinence until marriage. His parents were fine with it; mine had issues, but they were fine after we got engage. Honestly, I had been living on my own for quite some time and did not see it as their decision to make.

Different things work for different people, but I’m glad that we moved in together when we did.

Post # 13
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We waited until we were married to live together and I’m glad we did.

We didn’t experience any difficult adjustment period.  We knew each other well enough and had been around each other enough to know one another’s quirks, habits, living style, how well we meshed together etc.  We also didn’t feel like we needed to test it out before we got married.  We’ve been married a year and a half now without any problems.

It also was great because we got to experience this great newly-wed, giddiness of living each with each other for the first time.  It made for a really exciting and fun first year because so many things were a new experience… it was exciting to finally be able to wake up to each other and cook breakfast in our pajamas and things like that.

The reason we waited to move in together was that we are Christians and felt convicted about doing it this way.

Post # 14
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m moving in with my FI May 1, into my very first apartment (which is super duper nice, despite being in Boston; not sure how I managed that one!) after graduating from college. We honestly would have lived together starting earlier this year, but are currently doing the long distance thing due to him getting a Master’s degree.

 We’re kind of attached at the hip, so living together is the natural thing for us to do. We talked about engagement rings together, we are doing all the wedding planning together, and now we’ll be cleaning the bathroom together! 😛 

Post # 15
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We currently live apart, which we thought was the right thing to do – nothing to do with religeous reasons, and much more about setting an appropriate example, as he has two kids who live with him.  He and the kids will be moving into my house next month – about two months before the wedding.  We would have waited longer, but we really need to sell his house before his son goes off to college at the first of September, as two mortgages plus tuition would be ugly.  And to put it bluntly, as a single father with two kids there is really no way he can keep the house clean enough to reasonably show it while they are living there.

Jilian – I totally understand!  Although I bought my house after we started dating, so there aren’t any ghosts of previous boyfriends lurking around, it is a big adjustment to go from "my house" to "our house."  Especially with three of them moving in…  Luckily he thinks its quite funny.  He likes to tell people that they are gaining a bigger, nicer, newer house in a better neighborhood, and I am losing all my closet space.  Big shock.  Mostly for me.

I don’t think its necessary to live with someone in order to work out the bugs, and I hope we have already done enough talking (Please tell me you’re not going to do that anymore after we live together!) to at come to some agreement on the major issues.  And its going to be really nice to wake up together every morning – we are totally looking forward to living in the same house.  As for our parents, while I think they would have had issues with our living together before we were engaged, I believe they understand the practical need for us to move in together before the wedding.  My parents at least are smart enough not to say anything if they do disapprove.

Post # 16
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

I moved in with my FI (then BF) after we had dated for five months, basically beause my lease was up and it was a waste of money to have two places since I was over at his house all the time anyway. I did have to deal with the "my daughter is living in sin!" issue with my mother but she got over it, or at least didn’t say anything to me, after we got engaged three months later. We still have to stay in different bedrooms when we go home to my parent’s house (and according to my dad, will never get to sleep in the same room, even after we’re married, but he’s the same guy that said he was going to chain me, his oldest daughter, up in the basement until I was 30 to keep me away from boys). When my mom came to visit us, I offered her the courtesy that I would sleep on the couch and not in the same bed as FI but she said that I didn’t have to do that.

I’m glad we decided to live together. It just felt ‘right." With my previous BF it never even came up, even after I helped him design and build his house. So that right there tells me something! I never thought I would move in with a guy before we were married but it’s worked out great so far! 

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