Post # 1
I wish I would’ve taken my time selecting my bridal party… not so much the GM – just the BM.
I had someone drop out (we are currently not speaking, oh yeah, we’re related too) I demoted someone because of financial issues (she’s not working, has trouble paying her bills *e.g. cut off cable, internet, etc*, she still wanted to be in it but I felt it wasn’t right). I asked her to be my wedding coordinator instead. And now, two of the girls that are still in it are not talking. I’m exhausted. These are all older women that I’m dealing with. I’m the youngest one out of the group getting married. They’re all at least 8 years older than me. I didnt think I was going to have to deal with so much drama. I mean I’m not perfect when it comes to dealing with certain situations but this is just taking a toll on me. I’m short one BM because of the one that dropped out and now I wanna ask a good friend of mine who I should’ve asked from the beginning but I dont want to hurt my other friend (who I demoted).
I would just not have a bridal party to avoid the drama but FH is really excited about having his friends as groomsmen so I dont wanna take that away from him…
How can I make this situation better, not only for others but for myself? I feel really disappointed and it makes me sad every time I think about my whole experience with the BM.
Post # 3
maybe have FI use the GMs as ushers and not GMs….he could explain to them why (guys really do not care about titles…lol)…then you could just call the BMs off completely and tell them that you decided you only wanted to use FIs friends to seat and usher guests instead of having a bridal party to avoid drama.
Post # 4
I can’t really say anything except i’m SORRY and i know how you feel! I, too, thought it would be so much better and easier to forget about the bridal party, but FI wanted some good friends of his to be in it. I reluctantly agreed and now here I am two weeks before my wedding and one bridesmaid is BARELY even my friend, 3 of them aren’t speaking to each other(they’re FI sisters and can’t get along for some reason right now) and another is getting married right after me and instead of us sharing this great time, she decided it would be better for her to be bitter and show hatred toward me out of jealousy. Only ONE of my girls is still a dear close friend of mine. I totally regret the whole thing (bridal party, not the wedding) and if I could change ONE thing from this whole experience, I would either not have any bridesmaids or I would have picked totally different people. We had a long engagement, so I picked my girls a long time ago and in that time, I’ve become so much closer with some friends that I wish I could make bridesmaids instead. I didn’t have the heart to change anything months ago, so it is what it is for me. Sorry I wasn’t any help, but I do understand! All I can tell you is do whatever you think is right! Good Luck.
Post # 5
@ijustrockout: thanks for the advice.
Post # 6
@lindz629: wow, I felt like I was the only one going thru this craziness right now! So sorry to hear that you’re going thru it too. It’s really not cool at all… my fiance tells me to get over it, that’s it’s not that serious but it is… I guess guys see things completely different. This issue is what made me join this website because I can’t figure out why all this drama is coming up now. A co worker I was talking to kind of suggested that maybe it’s hard for them to be happy for me cause they’re older, no kids, not married, no potential husband. Wether that’s the case or not, I dont know… but I sure hope it’s not.
Post # 7
You DEMOTED someone because of financial issues and asked her to be your planner instead?! I would be so incredibly insulted. Seriously, can we get a more detailed explanation of why the heck you felt that was necessary? Because it just sounds mean. I have two bridesmaids who I’m paying for their dresses and everything because of financial hardships, but I’m happy to do it so that they can be in the wedding. It’s tough financially, I’m not ina great spot either, but they’re important to me. I can’t imagine kicking them out of the wedding party then giving them the non-honor of being a free wedding planner.
The other stuff isn’t your fault at all…but this might be. If you’re choosing your wedding party based on who has money to throw a good shower, bachelorette, etc., rather than who is your nearest and dearest, there will be many problems.
Post # 8
Sorry you have to go through all this drama. That’s why I have soo few gf and more guy friends. I decided to have a MOH only even though I have 3 sisters. 2 of my sisters are out of state and another is unemployed. No drama cause my wedding is truly a family affair. Everyone is helping out and happy w/ the role they decided on.
Your options: You can always have one less member of the bridal party. Or you can ask your friend and explain the situation.(I would pay a portion or all of the new BM dress considering its soo close to the wedding.)
Also just tell your other BM their duties and tell them you don’t want to hear anything else from them. Seriously, its time to be an adult and stop stressing you out.
Post # 9
@Wonderstruck: Yes, I did. And before I start, let me say I hate the word “demoted”. I used it for lack of a better word.
I felt it was necessary when I’m trying to gather the girls to go dress shopping and she has issues paying her rent. See, this is the whole thing I dislike about picking out BM and maid of honor. Being part of the wedding or not doesn’t make my friends any “better” friends or “less” of a friend. A bridesmaid doesnt make someone less of a friend than the maid of honor – at least in my eyes. I’ve seen and heard of many friendships ending because of this and I think it’s so dumb! I have several girls who I would’ve loved to have in my wedding but unfortunately I’m not a “big bridal party” kinda gal. I explained to her that I’d rather her take care of her priorities, that she can help me and be part of the wedding in another way without having to worry about anything else but herself. Unlike you, i’m not in a position to pay her dress, shoes, etc. If I could, I would.
My mother is taking care of my bridal shower. I’m not expecting any of my bridesmaids to pay for it. So NO, it’s not about who has more money.
And regardless of it all, the rest of the girls are friends whom I thought were nearest and dearest – and look how they’re acting. They can’t get it together or suck it up at least until this wedding is over. I’m not a bridezilla, I haven’t asked anything from them since we went to shop for a dress… so It’s really hurtful to have to deal with all this.