(Closed) Where Do I Start? Roman Catholic Ceremony.

posted 5 years ago in Catholic
Post # 4
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Approach him after Mass or go visit his secretary sometime during the week– our church had a woman who worked partially as a wedding coordinator, so she served as our point person for all of our planning. 

He will probably recommend that you start going to Mass regularly.  It’s totally okay that your FI doesn’t want to convert, the Catholic Church actually thinks different denominations have a lot to learn from one another, so don’t worry!

Post # 5
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would call your Parish and asked the secretary about getting married in the church. They will most likely send you information on Pre-Cana classes/Engaged Encounter. From there they will have you participate in the classes & get the certificate from the classes before they will do any planning with you, at least that is how DH’s church was for our wedding ceremony.

If your FH does not want to convert that is not a problem, then your ceremony will most likely be outside of Mass. I was unbaptized and chose to do the RCIA (Rite of Christian Intition of Adults) classes. I receieved the three sacraments needed for our marriage to be fully Catholic & recognized in the church. 

Post # 6
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@confetticandle7:  Just so the OP is clear, RCIA is the process of converting to Catholicism.  I chose this route, too, but not just for our wedding as it’s a personal choice– you’re choosing to become Catholic and practice Catholicism for the rest of your life. 

I’m sure you know this, since you went through the program, but I just wanted to clarify in case the OP didn’t know!

Post # 7
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Most priests will want you to be practicing your faith in order to be married in the church. You’ll also have to agree to raise any children Catholic.

I would start showing up at mass again most weeks to show you’re serious. Then it just takes a call to the parish secretary to get the meeting set up.

Post # 8
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

You are so smart to take this approach! By going and talking to the church first before you set a date or do anything, you are actually making a really wise choice and laying the groundwork for a much smoother wedding planning process! It is demonstrating to them, first of all, that you are prioritizing the church wedding (which is extra important to do if you don’t show up regularly for Mass there) and you will (hopefully) be informed of everything you will need to navigate with lots of advance warning. Plus, the fact that you had all your sacraments at this same church makes things even easier because they will already have everything on record for you – you won’t have to send away for your baptismal certificate, etc., as most Catholics have to do nowadays.

Also, your FI will not have to convert in order to have a full Mass wedding. Since he is a baptized Christian, you do have the option of having the full Mass or just the wedding ceremony. He won’t be able to receive Communion unless he converts, and so it’s often strongly recommended to do the wedding without Mass in these cases (because a wedding focuses on unity, and if you have Communion where one half of the couple can’t receive, it introduces division in one of your first acts as a married couple. It can also be seen as inhospitable to the guests if many of the friends and family are non-Catholic. I had a couple of friends who married a few years ago, and the woman did convert so they were both Catholic by the time they got married, but they still opted for the wedding without Mass so that all of her family wouldn’t be left out of Communion.)

As far as the nuts-and-bolts of how to approach: you can do it in a number of ways. Talking to the priest in person after Mass is always a good idea – face-to-face encounters are often just better for these kinds of things. You could also email the priest (what we did – but I know him pretty well because I’m quite active in our parish and we attend Mass regularly), or call the parish secretary and get the ball rolling.

Another good piece of advice is, when setting a date, maybe come up with a shortlist of dates you would be happy with and then go ask them to check the parish calendar to see what’s available. That shows that you are serious about having the wedding at the church and are willing to be flexible to make that happen – and that earns you serious brownie points with the people who are tired of working with less-flexible couples.

Post # 9
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@bookworm88:  

@confetticandle7:  Also for the OP’s benefit: RCIA stands for Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults.

If your FI did choose to convert, since he’s already a baptized Episcopalian his RCIA process would be somewhat expedited. He would only need to prepare for Confirmation and First Communion (which are administered at the same time for adults).

Post # 10
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Is there a specific reason why you don’t want an Episcopalian ceremony?  Given that neither you nor your fiance seem very interested in practicing the Catholic faith, this might be the better option for you.  A Catholic wedding comes with tons of Catholic rules. 

Post # 11
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@AprilJo2011:  One of the rules for Catholics is that we have a responsibility to get married in the Catholic church, because it’s a sacrament. If a Catholic marries outside the Church, it is seen as choosing to separate themselves from the sacraments and so they are not eligible to take Communion.

Post # 12
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@KCKnd2:  I know. I got married in the Catholic church.  So I know what it involves.  I’m just not sure the OP does.  It doesn’t sound like, while she is somewhat religious, the Catholic faith in particular has much meaning for her.

Quote:”Neither of us are big on religion but we do believe in God and it is important for us to marry in a church.”

Note, “in a church”, not “in the Catholic church”. She doesn’t say anything about wanting to receive the sacrament of marriage, she wants the location for her wedding ceremony to be a church.

Post # 13
Member
4433 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@bookworm88:  I did the same just this past Easter!

Post # 14
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@AprilJo2011:  True – she also specifically mentioned that they would be doing it in her church. From that, I inferred that she probably wanted to have a Catholic wedding because the RC Church would have a problem with an Episcopalian wedding in a way that the Episcopal church would not have with an RC wedding.

There are many Catholics out there who don’t attend Mass regularly and, if asked, would describe themselves as “not very religious,” etc, but who would still be upset about it if they were actively barred from taking Communion, and so would prefer to do what they have to in order to follow the rules and be in at least nominally good standing. Maybe I assumed too much, but I thought it sounded like this OP wanted to be on the safe side vis-a-vis the Catholic church. If she doesn’t care about being barred from Communion, then of course the Episcopal church is also an option for them.

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@BellaDee:  Mine was this Easter, too! Congrats girl!

I agree with both sides of the PP’s arguments– the OP should decide how she wants to involve herself in the Catholic church, and whether that involvement will mean she needs to marry within the church.

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