Where do we go from here? Break or break up?

posted 1 month ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee

HE CAN HAVE SEX WITH YOU BUT HE CAN’T KISS YOU GOODBYE?!! <—please repeat this to yourself in the mirror. Yes you should feel used, he used you. He doesn’t respect you. DUMP him! You are worth more than this, you deserve so much better!!

Post # 18
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

hallynn :  Honestly…I was rooting for you guys.

But if he takes that job, I’d be inclined to move on. It doesn’t seem like he’s prioritizing you.

FWIW, I dated a guy when I was 23/24. He worked on natural gas rigs, so really remote locations. He moved around a lot, and always told me that he wanted to be with me long term. The anxiety of that situation ruined our relationship. I just couldn’t do it anymore. All of these promises with no real end in sight. At one point I was going to move around with him, but he pulled the plug on that. That was hard to deal with.

So we broke up. And I needed a change. So I moved to Idaho. Yes, Idaho, lol. And you know what he did? He moved DIRECTLY above me in Canada.

Seriously.

But I kept doing my own thing. A year after I moved to Idaho, I got a job offer back in Ohio. I was ready to come home and be with family and actually put some roots down. And you know what he did? He moved back to Ohio the same week I did.

Seriously.

And then I let him back into my life ONE more time. In a way, I’m glad I did. I got closure. He was all talk and no game.

A week after I told him to never call me again was the week I met my husband. We got married 4 years later <3

Post # 19
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i think if your asking for advice to leave him or not, just leave him. its easier to go back if he changes. its not easy to drag it on and try to leave later. 

Post # 21
Member
17 posts
Newbee

As I’m sure you already know relationships in ems and fire are HARD! The logistics suck, the hours can suck, the personal nature of the job and being in close proximity to other men and other women is tough. Work often comes first and relationship priorities get pushed aside. It makes people crazy and it doesn’t bode well for security and confidence in a relationship. I am a paramedic who’s dating a great guy also a paramedic at the same company, for over a year and a half and for the better part of it we kept it completely secret from our co workers. It avoided a lot of heartache and unnecessary drama. I think trust is paramount but I also think lines get blurred a lot in this field and when you allow that it results in chaos in your personal life. 

 

From your old and new posts it seems like he has one foot out the door. Withholding love, attention and affection is cruel and intentional. Many guys do it to start the path towards a breakup. They know us ladies are emotional and if they deprive us long enough we will leave. Which make them seem like the victim and they don’t have to initiate a breakup and they come out on top. It’s a chicken shit excuse. I think he made a point of saying things might not change because of the sex, before you even had sex in the hotel. That says he is just punishing you, because if we wanted things to get better, he wouldn’t be foreshadowing a reason for them not to. I think he’s feeling the pressure to go to the new job and wants out of the relationship and he is trying to end things slowly and not be the big bad guy. Many men would rather push someone away than do the breaking up. I’m sorry, I hope I’m wrong and you guys can patch things up. Best of luck with everything! 

Post # 23
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

hallynn :  sorry Bee… i completely understand you because I have the same anxiety and insecurity. It can strain relationships a lot. So many guys want a cool girl that just lets the guy do whatever they want and still be ok with it. I am not saying anxiety is ok either. You need help with it and it is a struggle. However relationship is a two way thing. He is struggling with stress and expects you to give him space but he does not help you with your anxiety either. He wants you to understand his struggles but he sees your struggles as a burden. I dont think you are right for each other. He needs one of those cool girls and you need someone that’s willing to compromise as well. Anxiety is a genuine struggle and he fails to recognise that and sees you as just nagging and as a burden. That isnt a good sign. Just as much as you try to understand him, he should also see it as a genuine struggle. I would leave him. 

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