Post # 1
FI and I are legally married, we just haven’t had an official ceremony yet. The reason for that is because we keep finding other things to spend our money on. I would say a wedding is at the bottom of our priority list, and that was the case before we were legally married. I feel things like home ownership, investing, saving, and buying practical, everyday things that we will enjoy for years is more important.
Am I alone here? It seems a lot of bees put their wedding before a house or anything else. I just can’t fathom that because a wedding is one day and a house will become my home forever (or at least for several years). Maybe it’s because I would be happy without being married so long as I knew my FI was committed for life and that I have his heart (I’ve known that for years). I still do want my elopement ceremony (and honeymoon!) but not at the expense of other things.
Post # 3
Our wedding was like… Negative ten on our priority list. We did it super small. We would have done the bare minimum to make it legal but our parents and daughter requested a bit more. Personally, we have a lot of other things that we feel are more important than a big fancy party.
Post # 4
Hmm… Good question. Being married was important to us more than anything else and we did consider just going and doing it at city hall. We decided to have a wedding though because we wanted our family and friends to celebrate with us and we want to treat them to a nice dinner as a thank you for always being there and supporting us.
However, we are already established with a home and careers and this wedding is not breaking the bank at all. If we didn’t already have a house, savings, careers, etc then the wedding would not be important.
Post # 5
FH and I are in our mid/late 30s so the wedding is a high priority for us right now. He already owns a house, we have 3 cars, no student loans, etc etc. We are just in a different place than a lot of Bees. With that said, we aren’t having a huge affair because other important things are in the works too: a kitchen remodel, building a deck, and travel.
Post # 6
Low priority for me. Getting married is high priority, but having a wedding? Meh. I would’ve been happy to just elope. But FI wants to have a wedding with friends and family, so we are doing that. Keeping it pretty small though (around 35 people).
Post # 7
@MrsPanda99: Our wedding would fall at a 5 out of the top 8 financial goals on our list:
1. Emergency Fund (checked off-already have 12 months saved up)
2. Retirement contribution (both of us contribute 10% of paychecks)
3. Pay off student loans (half way there!)
4. Save up for house downpayment (have about $10k saved up)
5. Have a wedding
6. Build up general savings (no definitive goal…just the habit)
7. Buy new car (mine should last for another 3 years–crossing my fingers)
8. Save up for a long vacation to Europe
Fortunately, of our $10k budget for the wedding, we are only paying $3k. My parents were very kind and generous to contribute the majority. We could easily afford the money and it wouldn’t seriously detract us from our other goals. Also, we have been dating for almost 10 years (on August 22) and love the idea of getting married/having a wedding right before our decade anniversary.
I know it is tricky to fit things in when there are multiple financial goals, but we found it to be doable and enjoyable to celebrate with friends and family. Also, this will be the first time in about 5 years that my entire family and his entire family will be together. To me, relationships are invaluable, so the money is definitely well spent and the occasion will be well worth it. 🙂
Post # 8
@kittyface: +1. We don’t like parties, drinking, or big crowds of people. My family is massive and it feels like every weekend is a party already 😛 I’d be happy without having an official ceremony, but FI wants it :- Bare bones is exactly how it will be!
Post # 9
I think a wedding was a higher priority for our parents than it was for us.
Post # 10
@orchidaloha: I think that is practical. Folks say I am too practical and not romantic enough, but romance didn’t buy me a house, lol. We are already set too, but like @JLR1982: said, there is always something else to do. Even when you pass the hurdle of owning a house, you then want to start doing stuff to that house. It never ends!
Post # 11
It’s low on the list. I’m waiting on the ring, but we already know how we are doing it. Small civil ceremony with immediate family and dinner with them afterwards. The one thing that is important to us is to have a honeymoon. It doesn’t have to be anything exotic, but a couple of days away and alone is definitely a non-negotiable requirement to me.
I’d be equally okay with going to the JoP and then immediately leaving on a honeymoon, but I think it’s important to include our parents and siblings, especially since we will be the last siblings to be married in both of our families.
Post # 12
@MrsPanda99: Since my father is paying, I do not have to worry about putting the wedding before anything else financially.
Planning wise, school comes first. It always comes first.
Post # 13
It’s low on the priority list, but we have our other goals checked off and over all positive net worth so paying for the wedding wasn’t even a really big deal.
Post # 14
@bmo88: I think the way that you phrased it was key: fit things in when there are multiple financial goals. Buying a house and all of the other things on your priority list are not being put off or sacrificed – you are able to fit everything in.
I worry for folks who live outside their means and spend a fortune on a wedding they can’t actually afford to have :- It sounds like a really scary way to begin a marriage.
Post # 15
It wasn’t on a list at all, financially or otherwise. That’s why we eloped.
Post # 16
@deetroitwhat: LOL. Where did you guys elope?