- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
Let me just start off by saying: being an adult is hard. I get what they were talking about when I wanted to grow up sooooo bad when I was little. “Enjoy it while you can” they always said. Truer words were never spoken.
I feel like we’re in a rut. A confused, muddled and messy rut. So basically it goes like this. I will try to make sense of it all.
We have been dating for more than four years now and we’re getting married in June (less than 11 months). We’ve been living toget her for a little more than three years now, in two different tiny basement suites.
The basement we’re in now is FI’a parents house, they live upstairs. It’s a seperate suit so it’s livable. When we moved in not quite two years ago, the plan was for us to buy it, within 2-3 years. We toughed it out for a while and then a year later, when the matter was discussed again, it became more of a 3-5 year plan. We weren’t really willing to wait that long, so we started exploring other options.
FI’s grandpa died shortly after and his grandma was going to sell her house. It is basically perfect, way more perfect than this one, and so we went and talked to her and talked time frame and she said she would be ready to sell come July (like.. This monto that is almost over) and that we we’re first on the list.
Well that didn’t pan out either. She had a change of heart, isn’t ready to let go, want her four bedrooms and two floors of her house and the yard and pool still, so we’ve moved on. We’re not prepared to wait and see and hope. We want to buy shortly after the wedding and we’re not going to sit around hoping she becomes ready.
And now, FI’s parents are lookin like they want to sell sooner rather than later. They want no mortgage, no yard to mow, so on and so forth. We want to make babies after the wedding so we need the room to grow.
On one hand, the idea is attractive. It does sort of make sense and I’m willing to try and make it work.
But I can’t get a straight answer out of them. They want to “play it by ear” and “a lot can change in almost a year” While the latter is most certainly true, this is not an issue that I want to sit back and wait and see on. It’s a huge amount of money, a huge commitment and also a huge change. This go with the flow stuff doesn’t work for me when it comes to hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Im so torn. FI told me they’re probably as confused as me and to bring them a plan. But I don’t know where to even begin! I started making a list of the things I would need to know for sure before I commit to anything and I’m also more than willing to walk away and just find something else if it gets to drawn out.
I want to make it work somehow, but I need a grown Up! These life choices are just so huge and I feel so terribly in over my head. Like.. How am I supposed to make a plan for this? I don’t know the first thing about how we go about making this work to keep everyone happy. I dont even know what they want to begin with.
If that’s not enough real world adult stuff to slap me in the face, my new job is all responsibility little guidance. I’m like.. I’m in charge of what what and what!?! But I don’t even know how to DO that, let alone make sure it happens efficiently on a daily basis. Here.. How about I just teach myself and then go ahead and create a manual for all the poor fools who come behind me.
Some days I feel like adulthood just came out of nowhere and assumed position in my life. Is there a book or manual on how to be a grown up?
Any adults want to shed some light or opinions for me? I could use any input I can get!