Where is an adult when you need one?!

posted 2 years ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

lalalyanne:  I was just joking about this with my fiancé! When did we become grown ups? I have no idea,  but at least know you are not alone in this sentiment.

Post # 4
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

lalalyanne:  My best advice- don’t buy anything big like a house from family. It can create more problems especially if things go wrong/break etc.

Go out and find a place that is your family home- not your FI’s grandmothers and not your inlaws. 

I don’t think any stage of adulthood is easy but I do think as you get older you just learn to handle things differently (disappointment/anger/saddness). They don’t say age begets wisdom for nothing.

Post # 5
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

j_jaye:  +1, find another house to buy OP.  I can’t imagine these are the only two homes available for purchase.

Post # 6
Member
8009 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t think your inlaws owe you their plans set in stone. Sounds like they’ve been incredibly generous letting you LIVE with them for 2 YEARS so in no way shape or form should you be writing them a list of demands errr… A plan…so they know exactly how to make their move optimally convenient for you.

Buy your own house and leave your poor inlaws alone! Write your own life plan- not someone else’s. 

Post # 7
Member
12998 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Is there some sort of benefit to buying their house?  Would family sell to you for much less than market value? I’m not sure I understand why you are so focused on just these two houses.  If you don’t buy it, someone else will so they dont need you guys to buy it.  And if they don’t want to sell, buy something else.  There’s no reason your plans need to depend on theirs.  That’s part of being grown up – making your own decisions and path in life.

Post # 8
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

 

I think it would be fair to say to them, ‘Look, this is when we want to buy by. If you’re interested in selling, we will consider your home. But until you’re ready to commit, we’ll be looking elsewhere.’

Post # 9
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

j_jaye:  +10000.

This just sounds like it will end badly. One or both parties are going to end up feeling disappointed, pressured, taken advantage of…etc.

OP – You and your FI should be saving like no other for a down payment. When you’re ready to buy, get pre-approved and get an agent you trust. Go out and find the house of your dreams that is actually For Sale by a person ready and willing to move ASAP. 

Don’t do business with family. Just don’t. It will end badly.

PS – where’s your FI in all of this? Him telling you to make a plan on how to proceed with a HUGE financial and emotional decision with his family is pretty worrisome. 

Post # 11
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You said that you weren’t looking to buy until after the wedding, which is a year away. So I don’t see the rush to plan. When you get to the point where you would be looking for houses (maybe a month or two before you plan to buy?), you can check with your in-laws to see if they’re interested in selling. If they aren’t then you can start looking for another house. If they are ready, then you can outline details at that time. 

Post # 12
Member
12998 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

lalalyanne:  It really sounds like you’re getting the better end of this deal, so personally, I wouldn’t get all worked up over it and just try to be patient.  If you don’t like waiting on them for a decision, it really is as simple as buying something else and just forgoing the savings.  I can’t see why they would feel strongly one way or another who they end up selling the house too, and it would only seem more beneficial to them to NOT sell it to you and get market value.  A year until the wedding is still a long time and it’s not like you lose money whether or not you have a decision at this very moment.  What are you waiting to commit to that would depend on if you buy their house or not.  Unless you need a house now, I just don’t understand why you want to rush them into a decision when it seems you guys will be the only one to benefit from it.  If they are ready to sell in a year, you can buy it, if not buy somewhere else.  In the meantime, plan/budget for the worse case senario.

Post # 14
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I agree with PP re buying a house , esp,without a realtor, from family. Are you getting inspections done? Will the fix things that are wrong? How about a clean title? 

This is a legal contract that is emotional and tough to do with strangers. I strongly urge you and your FI to protect family relationships by either not doing this or at least getting a lawyer to draw up contracts and do title search etc. 

Post # 15
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

lalalyanne:  I would honestly move on from the idea of buying their home. I think business type dealings & family dont mix but thats just me. They seem a bit wishy washy about it and I think if you guys push for a plan … you may get one but dont be surprised if it brings out future resentment in a few years like “well you guys basically pushed us out, and in reality we werent ready”. If things dont go as they planned they can play the blame game and lord know what kind of stuff they might end up bringing up (Seen this from personal experience). If you guys are going to get a bit of a deal in comparison to what they would get if they sold to someone else, that could also lead to possible issues if down the road/throw it in your face if they feel that way & realize “they should have got more money for the house”….. I dunno what their current financial situation is or if they are set up for retirement….Unless this is your dream home, Id walk away.

If they were on the same page as you guys now and wanted to sell then thats one thing, but since they’re all acting this way I dont think they’re ready and I see a huge bag of problems that might arise.

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