Post # 1
Just after some advice on what usually happens with the MOG in terms of getting ready…
my FMIL has all boys, my fiancé is the eldest and first to get married. Because she doesn’t have any daughters I invited her to come and get ready with my bridesmaids and my mum. FMIL declined and said that usually the groom gets ready with his mum… I told her that he has decided to get ready at his bestmans house with the rest of the groomsmen and she wasn’t happy.
Further to this, she has brought it to several times at dinners and family things and made it really awkward for my fiancé who doesn’t understand why she is so instant when she will be wanting to have her make up and hair done etc so does she except her son to go with her to these appointments on HIS wedding day? It’s not about her!
I have already invited her to get ready with us and do those girly things and she doesn’t want to so as far as I’m concerned we have done the right thing! What is normal though should my fiancé be getting ready with her and not the groomsmen? If so what do the groomsmen do??
Post # 2
All the boys in our wedding got ready at MIL’s house. While they were all out having a dirty fry up for breakfast she has the makeup artist round then they all got ready under her watchful eye and had photos taken at home. It was important to her and to us that MIL and Husband got ready together as they had lots of Mum and Son pictures taken together at the house, and Mum and her boys (all the additional lads in the group). They compliment the ones with me and My family at our house.
Can they at least meet up together in one central spot before leaving and between her appointments so that she feels part of his day?
Post # 3
LilLis: I should have mentioned, I suggested that she goes around to visit the boys after she is ready… I told her if she was worried about not seeing him by getting ready with us then they could do her hair and make up first and then she could go see the boys… She doesn’t think it’s good enough she wants them at her house which logistically won’t work as the photographer needs to go to both of us and the best man lives around the corner from where I’m getting ready but the mother is much further away.
Post # 4
catherinedarcy: My MIL happily accepted my offer to get ready with me and the bridesmaids at the salon – so I am unsure of what they normally do! I think my FI would rather die than get ready with his mom, lol – he wants to be hanging with his guys and drinking beers!
If you have offered and she declined, and your FI said no about getting ready with him…well, then that’s up to her to figure it out. I would let her know that if she changes her mind, your offer still stands but other than that, I dont think you can do anything about it.
Post # 5
Ah, bit of a bind then. We were lucky, we had two photographers, one at each house and the houses are only 10mins drive apart. MILs house is ususally full and she had lots of wedding guests staying with her for the wedding so it just made sense.
But I can see how getting ready with her son would be important. Its the last time she has him all to herself. After the wedding you come first and Mum is relegated to second lady, officially at least. I think she is probably just getting emotional rather than trying to be awkward. For us it was as much our family’s day as it was ours.
Post # 6
Your FI needs to get a backbone and say “Sorry mom, but the guys and I will be getting ready together the morning of. I love you and will see you when we get to the venue.” If she keeps pushing, then say “I am sorry you feel this way, but it is no longer up for discussion.” then change the subject. If she still keeps pushing, then hang up or walk away.
Post # 7
weatherbug: that’s exactly my fiancé, he wants to justo relax with his guys and drink a beer or two before the wedding haha!
LilLis: I understand why she wants to spend time with him, but she also needs to respect what he wants too or at least be a little compromising with it! There’s a lot we have compromised with her to make the day suit her more already and honestly I think she would just stress him out before the ceremony!
Post # 8
I guess I never thought a groom would get ready with his mom. To me, it’s kind of strange, but to each their own. My MIL didn’t expect to get ready with DH. He got ready with his best man and groomsmen, and MIL got ready with us.
Perhaps since its her oldest song and the first to get married your FMIL is having a hard time letting go. FI needs to put his foot down and just let her know that he will be getting ready with his groomsmen. Your MIL is entitled to feel upset, hurt, mad, whatever she wants to feel because you can’t change the way someone feels. You can only control how you react to it.
I think it’;s very nice to extended the invitiation for her to get ready with you ladies, so if FI addresses this again have him tell her that while he loves her, he would really like to get ready with his groomsmen.
Post # 9
I’ve always understood that the Groom gets ready with his parents and attendants (groomsmen) and the Bride gets ready with hers (bridesmaids and parents). Its symbolic of the whole “leave their families and cleave to each other” bit.
If it works best logistically to be at the groomsman’s house, why can’t your parents-in-law join in there? How else are you going to get those “MOG pinning boutonnier on Groom” photos? lol
I think it’s totally reasonable for her to want to be with her son the morning of his wedding. She just needs to understand the logistics and why it won’t be at her house.
Post # 10
You invited her and now it is between FI and his mother. I would stay out of it.
There is no “etiquette” to this at all, but I would think a mom’s wishes would be taken into consideration if it means a lot to her. The photographer can easily get shots of the groomsmen adjusting ties etc. just before the ceremony. I really don’t see what the big deal is on your end.
Post # 11
catherinedarcy: I would definitely not say that the groom usually gets ready with his mom; she is mistaken. I’ve only ever heard of the groom getting reading with his groomsmen, best man, or brothers and father. At our wedding, DH got ready with his groomsmen and his mother got ready with her sister and friend, separately.
She is just going to have to understand that it’s logistically not possible. Can’t she get ready with her husband or sibling or close friends?
Post # 12
catherinedarcy: That is so awkward!! What is with some MOG’s having issues cutting the chord? Seems to be a “thing”!!
Off topic, my FMIL will refer to FI as “my son” sometimes when he’s SITTING THERE. It’s so awkward because 1. we know his name and 2. he’s in his 30’s. Let it go.
Post # 13
I think she is being unreasonable. ur FI should make the plan clear to her- u shouldn’t have to get involved really.
Post # 14
Maybe you should have a conversation with her about what she thinks the logistics should be, and why. You are assuming a lot about what she wants (that she wants him to come to the salon, etc), which from your post she hasn’t actually asked for. I’m not saying her desires should trump yours or your FI’s, but she’s his mom, and it obviously matters a lot to her…I wouldn’t just brush it off without a conversation.
Post # 15
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
catherinedarcy: The first time I got married I am pretty sure my exMIL got ready at home, while my exhusband and his groomsmen got ready a the venue.
This time, if my MIL comes, I imagine she will get ready in her room and my FI and son (the only two males besides my young nephews) will get ready in their hotel room.