(Closed) Where to draw the line? Advice sought for a friend.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3004 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m not going to be inviting everyone that I work with. Probably only around 2-3 out of 20-25. My way of resolving this being awkward is to message them on Facebook or personally ask them for their address so that no one else knows they have been invited. 

Post # 4
Member
14503 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ouch, I know if I were one of the five my feelings would for sure be hurt.

Post # 5
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would be hurt if I was one of the five, too. At that ratio, it would seem more like she doesn’t like them rather than she’s just not close to them.

Post # 6
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I actually think it’s fine.  My rulle for co-workers was I only invited people who I hung out with outside of the office.  If she has a friendly relationship with these people outside of work then she should invite them.  And, not matter what the proportion of invited to uninvied she should just remind those who are invited to be discreet since not everyone is included.

Post # 8
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think this is potentially hurtful, and potentially okay. It really depends on whether or not there’s a clear line between the 10 and the 5. For example, do the 10 regularly hang out outside of work, and the 5 don’t? Are the 10 from department A, and the 5 are from department B? Are the 5 managers? If there’s a clear line or difference that most people will recognize, then it’s okay. If it seems arbitrary, feelings could be hurt.

Post # 9
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I would be hurt too… but I’m going through the same situation. I want to leave out two of my coworkers. I never talk to them unless it’s staff lunch which happens every 6 months. Anyway, I feel bad for leaving them off. But I also feel weird asking them to come if we all know that we never talk to each other. I hope you figure out your situation! I’m going to ask my coworker for advice as well!

Post # 10
Member
3640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Beluga: Exactly. It depends on her work situation. If the 10 hang out all the time/have lunch/talk etc and the other 5 hang out in a different circle, then yes, I would think that it would be fine. But if all 15 really do hang out together then that’s an icky situation.

 

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