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If they cannot afford the dress, I would set aside some money for that. If you don't think she could handle going down the aisle maybe being "in charge" of the guest book? Maybe a special dance with just her? I don't know if she can hold anything but could she be in charge of holding your bouquet instead of your MOH?
That's so sweet of you! I think the number one priority should be to make sure your cousin is comfortable. Would you consider gifting her the dress/shoes and making her an "honorary flowergirl?" She wouldn't have to go down the aisle, but her name could be in the program if you're having one. She could be included in your pictures as well.
One possibility is, how loud will the music be? Generally people are fairly quite during the entrances anyway, so maybe, in the time leading up to the wedding, if you do want her to be IN the wedding and come up the aisle, have some little practices, play the music for her somewhere she is comfortable, let her get used to it. Or the "honorary" flower girl idea I think would work too. Also, talk to your (aunt? since she is your cousin) about what she feels comfortable with her daughter doing. My little cousin is autistic and he and my aunt/uncle ended up being the most comfortable with him just not coming to the ceremony for my sisters wedding last summer but he came for pictures and then the reception. He plays on an Ipad and they brought that and he was perfectly happy. We actually had 2 autistic kids and 3 blind ones at my sisters wedding. And their parents will know best what makes them most comfortable and able to function best.
Its so lovely that you want to involve your cousin in your wedding.
Im personally struggling to come to terms with the fact that the young boy I have worked with for the last 7years wont be coming to my wedding. His family will but He has Autism and it will be absolutely no fun for him no matter how much I want him there. He means the world to me and it breaks my heart that he wont be there but like I say he just wouldnt enjoy it.
Anyway... Why dont you talk to the family and see what they think? Let them know you would really like to involve her but dont want it to be a bad experience for her and ask for their opinions.
If going down the aisle isnt an option then could she 'give out' the programs as people arrive? Or the buttonholes if you are having them?Could she 'look ater' your boquet for you during the ceremony? She could still waer a pretty dress and have her hair done etc but without actually walking down the aisle.
@EvaBostonTerrier: +1 for this idea..
Ay my FBIL's wedding back in '06, my (then) 2yo DD was supposed to be the flowergirl, but she was too shy/scared to walk down the aisle. She still wore her dress, had her flowers, and got her hair done, but she ultimately ended up just sitting with me for the ceremony. She was included in the pictures, though.
Definitely talk to her parents about what they think she'd be able to handle/enjoy doing. If they think she'd enjoy being at the ceremony, I love @EvaBostonTerrier:'s idea of gifting her her honorary flower girl dress.
I definitely think you could give her the dress as a present. Maybe find her a coordinating (but inexpensive) dress
Check somewhere like: http://www.infashionkids.com/todeasdresan.html?pageNum=6
or even something like: http://www.walmart.com/ip/George-Girls-Sleeveless-Flower-Printed-Dress/15186450
I think it would be so fun for her to be a part of the ceremony... (and pictures)!
Maybe you could have her mom or dad pull her down? It's really about her being a flowergirl... everyone will be able to see and understand why there is an adult present. Maybe for the sake of pictures, something to consider would be having someone push her down (as oppose to pull) so that the photographer can see her in most of the shots. I envisioned her in a stroller or wheelchair with the flower basket on her lap and mom happily smiling behind :)
You can have them leave out a chair on the end of the front row, too.
I have loved all of your suggestions! I think what I'm going to do is 1) talk to her mom. Great suggestion that totally slipped my mind! If mom thinks it's a good idea, I will gift her dress. She will either just be an honorary flowergirl and be an actual flowergirl and go down the aisle. She has a wheelchair, which I completely forgot about, so we can just decorate that. We aren't having any ushers, so a couple of the GM will pull the aisle runner. If she does go down the aisle, I could just have one of them push her back up the aisle. I'm really thinking her mom will want her to just be an honorary flowergirl, which is fine with me.
I love the idea of having her hold my bouquet, but I'm afraid she will end up chewing on it or messing up the flowers. Her parents would probably be the ones to hold it, so it kind of defeats the purpose.
Thanks for all of the ideas! Come them coming!!!!
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I have a 5 year old cousin with special needs. She can't talk or walk. Developmentally, she's around 6-9 months old. But she has a special place in my heart, and I really want to include her somewhere. I already have a flower girl, but I'm not opposed to having 2 flower girls. My only problem with having her as a second flower girl is that she does not like loud noises, and I'm afraid she will have a melt down with all the music and people. I would hate for her family to spend $$ on a flowergirl dress just to have her not be able to go down the aisle due to the music. Since she has so many medical expenses, they don't have extra money to spend of stuff like this. She would also have to be pulled down the aisle by someone, but I really don't know who. (My ring bearer is only 3.) Does anyone have any ideas of how I can use her and make her (and her family) feel special? Her mom still struggles with the idea that her daughter has special needs and will never be "normal," and I would love to make her family feel super loved. Any ideas???