(Closed) where to stay when you visit the folks

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i think it depends on your parents. mine would be really upset if i did this. are your parents sensitive? and why wouldn’t you want to stay there?

Post # 5
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i feel your pain. i just moved in with my FI after 2.5 years of long distance (off and on, i’d be in his city on co-op work terms, and then do my school terms in my hometown), and so when he’d visit me we’d stay with my parents, and definitely wouldn’t get much alone time!!!

i just don’t think not staying with them would be an option… too many hurt feelings 🙁

Post # 6
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

maybe you could talk with them about it? maybe if you explain they won’t mind…

Post # 7
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Both of our Parents would be upset if we were in town and didn’t stay with them. Plus, it saves some money. haha.

Post # 8
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d say maybe have a heart to heart with the parents and explain that you’re in the thick of planning and that you would love some help but need alone time with FI too. I think both sets of parents (mine and FI’s) would understand, hope yours do too! 🙂

-Bella

Post # 9
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Do you have to tell them you are coming?

If you don’t think you will get your stuff done if you stay with them – I would not tell them I was coming and get everything done!

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

we always stay at a hotel when visiting family – just for bathroom privacy alone, let alone the other stuff 🙂    just tell them that the idea of a weekend away is super exciting/fun for  you

oh, and meet them for dinner or breakfast, just explain your super busy and time poor

 

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It depends–why do you want to stay in a hotel? Do they not let you stay together or are they super overbearing? Can you not get stuff done b/c they guilt you into dinners, etc?

We used to stay at his mom’s house, but I got tired of the whole “separate rooms” because we only got to see each other every couple of months. I mentioned us staying in a hotel and he said sure. Not sure how it went over with his mom, but it was just easier for us. I think she understood, because the next time, she pulled him aside and said it was ok if we shared a room as long as we didn’t hanky panky. Fine by me, there is a shared wall there!!!

When we visit my parents, we stay with them because they live in the BOONIES and the nearest hotel is 30 min away, no joke. When we lived in GA and we’d visit his mom, like I said, it was hit and miss with the previous stuff. If we knew we’d be out late (with friends, date night, etc) we just stayed in a hotel (even if she said no biggee you can stay over) and we just said, “oh we need alone time”. Mine would be ok with it but they’d think it was silly to waste money on a hotel. They’d pretty much know *why* we wanted one. But ya know, when he had R&R, we stayed in a hotel for 10 days because we simply couldn’t intrude on her like that…i had my cat with me, too. It was a good excuse. A quick trip though? I dunno, I’d wanna save the money for date night!

Your parents should understand and respect that. Alone time is pretty valuable.

Post # 12
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think it’s rude if you think they will be offended.  Personally, if I needed a getaway and wanted to unwind, I wouldn’t tell my parents that I’d be in town and just enjoy the time away with FI without seeing them.

Post # 13
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

When we go and visit my parents we stay in a hotel, this way we can unwind, not sleep on the coach, and have some time to ourselves.

Post # 14
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We do that… pretty much every time we go to my hometown… We have acutally stayed with my mom once for a couple nights, but that was when we were passing through for a concert and then going kayaking, so we were there after she was in bed and she left for work before we were up… hehe.. We honestly cant be around a lot of our family for too long at a time… it just stresses us out…

Post # 15
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah both of our parents would be hurt if we didn’t stay with them- but it definitely depends on your parents/if they have enough room/understand you’re on a time crunch.

Post # 16
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

We tend to stay with other relatives, usually my cousin and his wife because they get that we have a lot to do in a little time and they are also busy with work and life. They give us a key and make up the spare bed and let us go as we please. It also gives us the chance to hang out with them in the evenings and we make an effort to do dinner at least once. It helps that they are only a couple of years older than us. I think we’ll stay with an aunt and uncle this Christmas because they just bought a new house and are excited to offer us their new guest bedroom (and bathroom). When we visit his parents, we always stay with them, they have a guest bedroom and let us come and go whenever, this situation would just not work with my parents, they would try to plan dinners together all the time and tend to be hme more often, besides, my old bedroom no longer has a bed.

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