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My (now) MIL met us at the church. We girls were getting ready there, but she hung out somewhere else in the building, not with us--in hindsight, I have no idea where :). I don't think it is "the norm" for the FMIL to hang out with the bride, I can't remember any weddings I've been in that the FMIL was around when the bride and bridesmaids were getting ready...
My sister was an encore bride last year, and her MIL (and now ex-MIL) were not with us while getting ready either time!
Ugh I hope that means "Ok FMIL, you can meet us at the church at 2:45" (3:30 wedding) and then we can have "hang out time" there. I can always use the excuse about it being a small room and stuff... I just know she wants to be front and center and have no idea how to tell her.
My MIL popped in and out while we were getting ready, but she and I have a pretty good relationship, so I'm glad that she was there.
Are you me? Really, same wedding date, same bat sh*t crazy FMIL. I am avoiding this by having all the boys get ready at her house and keeping her far away as I get ready at my mom's house
Oh wow, if you come up with a solution to this, please let me know. I love my mother-in-law, but she has big plans that she and her female relatives are all going to share my changing room at our venue. I was like, "ummm . . . OK." But really, it's not a big room and it's going to be crowded with 10+ women in there. I understand that she wants to be fresh and unwrinkled for the wedding, but I'm going to talk to my fiance about maybe renting a hotel room for her and her female relatives to get ready at.
I don't want to come off as rude, but I see the MILs as just another guest, though an important one. As a guest of a wedding, I've never changed into my "wedding clothes" onsite. I arrived fully dressed and ready to go. It should be the same with the MILs. And there is no reason for them to be there, really. Maybe talk to your fiance, and have him break the news to your MIL? Good luck!
Yeah....I think that this is a weird request. I've been in the wedding party 3 times and not once has the MIL hung out, changed with, or dropped by the bride and her crew
@Stlinginko- I like your idea.
Why doesn't the MIL hang out with her son? You could even send the photog over to wherever they are and get some fun getting ready picks. I hate to suggest you kowtow to her, but if you come up with something that kind of puts her in her element (with her son and with photos, perhaps), she may relent and be cool with just hanging out elsewhere.
I'd say you should tell her that it really means a lot to you to get ready with your mom and BMs kjpugs, but I've read some of your other MIL-related posts, and I'm guessing that wouldn't go over well. :)
My FI would rather take a knuckle sandwich than have his mom hang out with him while he gets ready (in our tiny house.) For example, in college, his nickname was Big Daddy (he's linebacker sized). He has a ton of brothers and at the grad party she yells to the WHOLE Party (it was a drinking party at his college house) that "All of you call him Big Daddy but I changed their diapers... I'll tell you which (last name) is the REAL big daddy!" He still gets furious if u bring that up. SO EMBARASSING!
She invites herself to anything having to do with my family (the whole time my mom was here last April she invited herself to things. THE WHOLE WEEKEND. Invited HERSELF.) and I'm afraid she'll assume she's going with "the girls" and that the boys are all going together. Her sister is going to be staying with her, as will her mom (whom I've never met), and also FSIL is not a BM anymore, so maybe she can entertain them then meet up with us later?
I can say "We'll get our makeup done with the BM's and meet you guys at the church around 2:30, 2:45 for hanging out!" and make it seem like that's the "fun time" to have with her. I can get my private time but then also see her and make her happy. What do you guys think?
Whatever you decide it might be a good idea to make sure she gets a schedule of events/times for the day of. That way she will know when she will have "her" time
Just pretend you're actually getting ready at 2:30, 2:45 at the church so she doesn't have any idea she missed anything... depending on what she already knows, that might do it!
Your solution sounds more than fair. And if she insists, just gently (but firmly) tell her that hair/makeup time is for your mom and bridal party only. Sounds like your MIL is a handful, but I think you get to have your way on this one - you are still going to include her before the ceremony, you are just asking for a little family/bridal party bonding time for yourself beforehand.
To be honest, I have no idea what my MIL did that day. I would never expect her to get ready with me and I've never seen one get ready with any of the brides I know.
OO also I can totally lie and say we have appointments that AM and will meet at the church. She doesn't even need to know we're congregating in the hotel room.
Someone save me from the craziness :( Thanks for the votes of confidence.
I do wonder if anyone had a similar problem. It's nice to know that it's not COMMON to have a FMIL in the room with the gals.
I had asked mine if she would help out my soon to be husband with his bouttoniierre. So she was at the church putting the bout on him and helping the other guys. My photog wasn't able to come take getting ready shots of me. But he was at the church and got some getting ready shots of my FMIL putting the bout on my husband. It was cute.
Perhaps you could run this idea past your FI and he could ask his mom if she would do the same. I think they really like helping out, and it would be an honor for her to help her son out.
@amariem25 FI gets really easily annoyed by his mom (she's SUPER overbearing, doing that stuff wouldn't be an "honor" or "sentimental" it would be "who can I tell stories about (my FI) to?" "How can I steal attention?") And he'd NEVER agree to her coming.
To give you guys an example about how it's all about her- we never got an engagement party (engaged Dec 08) and finally hinted at it last summer and she was like OH I should throw you one! And then goes "WE CAN HAVE IT HERE! Then (FFIL) can see how I landed on my feet!" (FFIL left her and she was hard-off for a while, living in apts, and now has a partner who has lots of money so she wants to show it off.) We tried to have a friend host it, so it wouldn't be about her showing off to her ex, but she cried over it multiple times (even saying "It's because I'm GAY isn't it" - which it is NOT) until we caved.
I have no idea where my mil was, all I know is that she wasn't with me...
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I can't stand my FMIL. She's a crazy attention whore. I live here in the state where all of FI's family is and never get to see my mom& sisters who are across the country (and all BM's!) We will be getting ready in a smallish hotel suite.
Problem- I DONT WANT MY FMIL IN THERE! She tried to have us all get ready at her house north of the city, but when our venue changed to downtown we used that as an excuse. We have to be at the church early, I wonder if I can just have her meet us there?
What is normal? Does the FMIL hang out/get ready with the girls? I really, really, really don't want her there ruining the mood with the people I care about. Can I Just say meet us at the church 45 minutes before? What would you do? What can I say to make it not come off rude? (i don't care if it is, she makes my life hell, check this thread if you haven't heard.) She is a drama queen and will take anything I say bad unless it's ultra-cushed.
:'( I hate how miserable she makes us. (And yes I'm working on my submission to Pissed Off Bride. It'll be a doozy.)