(Closed) Wheres my ring? Oh wait… do I want a ring?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

its ok to vent. Its soo frustrating thinking your waiting for something. Open communication is the  key. Can  you talk to him about how your feeling  without being heated?

Post # 4
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

May I ask, why did you send him a pic of a blue diamond if you don’t like them? He probably thought you did, and is going along with what you are suggesting. Were you just testing him?
He wants to be with you and marry you. Be honest with what kind of rings you like, and also respect his wish not to go broke for a piece of jewelry, and you will find something that make you both happy.

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Blue diamonds are really gorgeous, but they’re also hella expensive. Blue diamonds are rare and not cheap by any means.

If you want a traditional white diamond, though, TELL him. You don’t want to be unhappy with what you have. Try some on, see what you lie, what you think you’ll want to wear forever.

Honestly, he probably is leaning towards the blue diamond because you sent him a photo of it. The price was probably just a bonus.

Post # 6
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

I agree with ccranetobe – you definitely need to talk things through.  You need to find an hour or so to sit down and discuss how you both feel.  Make sure to tell him your feelings about the different rings so he is not confused as to what you want.  Also, try telling him what you posted about what he said about the ring situation.  Make it clear that you don’t want to burden him, and yourself, financially over a ring, but that what he said was hurtful.  Guys usually don’t realize it when they say something mean – he was probably just venting and it’s a good sign that he feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship that he can say a thing like that, even though it came out in a hurtful way.  Simply asking him to be more conscious of the way he says things may help.  Tell him how it made you feel – less important or not worth as much as the previous fiance.

Post # 7
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Word to the wise – don’t send him things you aren’t pretty sure you’d want.  While I LOVE my ring, I would have STRONGLY prefered a pave setting.  I sent a “casual email” his way last yr with a few different pave settings and ONE plain metal setting, and wouldn’t you know that ONE is the one he chose.  I only even included it because I know HE isn’t a fan of pave…but I am, and I’M the one wearing it everyday.  Sigh.  Like I said, I DO love my ring, and even though it’s just metal, he at least got the knife-edge and taper into the head parts right (and of course the diamond itself!!)  As untraditional and perhaps unromantic as it may seem, it’s a much better idea to discuss these sorts of details in advance so you can be sure you’re both on the same page, and so you don’t set yourself up for any undue awkwardness later.  Good luck=)

Post # 9
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry that what your man said about his previous fiance’s ring left a bad taste in your mouth. Have you ever talked to him about the way he said it? It sounds like that may be at the core of this stress. Speaking of stress, I hope you make it through tech week! Break a leg!

Post # 10
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think so, yeah… Also, it all depends what he wants to do with the money saved from buying an expensive ring… I can see how him spending it on an expensive car could be hurtful… but using it for a house or any common project that you have together is just as good (or even better, imho) than on the ring..

I did have the same fears at some point, so I completely understand how you feel. I always told him not to spend too much on rings, that I’d prefer travelling and paying off our cars and house. And he was on board sooo enthusiastically that I was scared he didn’t want to spend on me… Especially when everybody around have rings that cost over 5 times the price of mine. BUT. We’re paying off my car now. We’re travelling three times this year. And the house will be paid off in less than 5. When I think of all that, I’d rather have all this and a very solid bond with my husband, than any other ring. He’s putting lots of money towards me, other than in a ring, and I love my rings. 

But just be honest with him and communicate. You will find something that suits both your needs and is a great symbol of your relationship and commitment to each other.

Post # 12
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

When I was waiting for my fiance to propose, there came a time when I had to ask him to stop talking about rings and weddings. It was too much for me to handle. I couldn’t take the talk without the action.

Post # 13
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My FI and I picked out my ring together I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I wanted a bigger center stone then he picked out ( but who doesnt!) it was the biggest for the budget and of course i love it!  We bought the setting & center stone at different places which saved us over 1k!

Post # 14
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

The setting of your first ring is what is important- the stone is secondary because you can replace it on an anniversary with a larger stone at a time when you can afford it.  You can use the original stone for a pendant then, and perhaps an heirloom gift for a daughter or daughter-in-law.  My original stone will go to my first grand-daughter, and my 25th anniversary stone will pass on to my daughter.  My FDIL will receive some of the family’s diamond jewelry also, in the years to come. 

Post # 15
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Good luck.   Sometimes it can be hard to discuss what you want with your SO without seeming like a control freak (that’s how I am afraid I come off).  I am super frugual clearance shopper too… so it’s hard for me to think about the BF spending all this money on a ring.  But I plan on wearing that sucker forever!  

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