Post # 1
Hey Ladies, a newly engaged lady is supposed to feel loved and supported by friends and family rite? Well, it seems ever since my FI and I started to slowly reveal that we were thinking of marrying we’ve been met with quite a bit of opposition.
My friends and family and some of his as well (mostly ALL women by the way) have started acting very strange. They act like they don’t want to talk to me anymore, etc…I really dont even mention anything having to do with my wedding because their attitudes are THE WORST whenever I do! Ya know, rolling eyes, sighs, snickers, etc… I feel like I’m the butt of some joke. What makes this situation the most unbearable is that MY MOTHER is the biggest culprit! How to deal!!???!!! Every time we get together for a family function my mother starts grilling me about wedding stuff. The conversation ALWAYS ends with her chewing me out about my “dumb” ideas for the wedding. When I confront her and others about their behavior or ask why they are so funny-acting about me getting married they say things like: “no one is acting funny toward you–you’re imagining things” OR “i’m just afraid he wont be able to take care of you–he’s not ready to be married” OR “you’re not that great at cooking–you’re not ready to be married.” I just dont understand the hate that they are sending our way!
Shouldn’t this be a happy time for me??!! This situation is NOTHING but stress and unhappiness. MY FI is even stressed and unhappy because I’m so unhappy all the time!!
I had a wedding counselor/wedding planner with whom I was sharing my ideas, feelings, etc…but she recently died unexpectedly! I dont want to sacrifice my dream of having a wedding but why throw a wedding for people who aren’t supportive?!!
FI and I are SERIOUSLY considering eloping. We’ve been together in a celibate, Christian relationship for 7 years! I am now 33, he is 34. We are more than READY to marry and start a family since neither one of us have children.
You’d think people would be happy for us!! My dad and former counselor seemed to think that there’s a lot of jealousy involved. How do I stop their hating ways and jealousy from ruining my wedding day and maybe even my marriage??!! 🙁 Any advice on how to deal??
Post # 3
Try to focus on the love you have between you and your FI. That’s the reason you are getting married, not for anybody else.
I know we want our friends and families to be happy and supportive of us, but sometimes that doesn’t always happen. When I mention an idea and get a bunch of crap for it, i just don’t bring it up again.
I would try to focus on the emotionally neutral topics and try to remember the things your family and his are touchy about.
Bringing your stress home to your FI is the first thing any of us would do, but engagement can be stressful in general and adding more stress to your FI is probably a bad thing. Just try to avoid the conversations and contact that upsets you, so that you and your FI can stay focused on the good stuff.
Post # 4
@jayb33:I am sorry you are going through this, I know it is difficult. I think sometimes people are accustomed to you being one way and think if you get married things will change. I know it’s hurtful to be around such negative people but I would not let that take my joy. When people get married and when people die everyone wants to reflect on their own life. You have to understand, it’s about them, not you. Plan a fabulous vaca and enjoy your future husband. How are your friends responding?
Post # 5
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Don’t talk to them about wedding planning, or just be intentionally vague. Also, a tiny church elopement could be amazing 🙂
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you’re in that situation! You do not need that negativity in your life! You have waited a long time to get married, I think the only person you have to please is yourself and your fiance. If you want tol elope, do it. If you want a larger wedding, do it. Let all their rude remarks roll off like water on a duck’s back!
Post # 7
I can TOTALLLLLLLLLLLLY relate. Except instead of getting what seems like “the cold shoulder” in your situation, my family and friends could CARE LESS that I’m getting married. No “so how’s the wedding planning going?” or “have you decided on xyz”. No “what are your colors going to be”, nothing. They could completely CARE LESS. Not even my friends. Of course, I stood with all of them in their weddings, threw “assembly line” parties for DIY programs and favors. Bachlorette, bridal showers, dress fittings you name it. With me…not so much. But, it is what it is. Not sure why, but that’s the way it is. The fact that I am marrying the single most SWEETEST guy ever makes up for all of that. I know that corny city but that’s really the way I feel.
Post # 8
By the way, FI and I are getting married in a private ceremony in Jamaica for just the 2 of us. So I can’t tell you not to elope. LOL. I felt the same way as you about the huge, multi-thousand wedding/party.
We are, however, having a small beach party/cookout (for about 20 people) on a local beach here at home prior to leaving for Jamaica. We figured although they are “funny acting” as you say (tee hee), we still love them and this is a once in a life time event. But this beach party will be a few HUNDRED dollars instead of several THOUSAND.
Not all of them are happy with the idea. But it’s what **WE** want to do and frankly, I don’t see why any of them are surprised. But we feel if the beach party is nice, and we do it juuuuust right, they will be ok in the end.
Either way ((shrugs shoulder))