Post # 1
i need some advice. I am in my first trimester and have been feeling miserable with morning sickness. I also have a wedding on New Year’s Eve of a cousin who I haven’t seen in ten years. I was very touched to be invited because I haven’t been invited to my other cousin’s weddings as I no longer see my father (my choice) and changed my surname to match my mum’s maiden name. My fiancé is invited as well and if we go it will be the first time he meets any of this side of my family and my dad.
I am really torn about whether to go. The wedding is interstate and money is tight- it will require airfares and I have to be back at work on Jan 2. There are many very good reasons why I cut my father out of my life, he or my paternal grandparents could behave very badly- and I would really hate for a scene to be made at someone elses’s wedding. My brothers may go- bu are under pressure from my dad to boycott the wedding- but that is another story.
basically I woulresale like to honor and accept the very generous invitation- but don’t want my cousin to regret asking me if a family war starts…..
Post # 3
@polly-pocket: Have you considered speaking with your cousin about your concerns? Maybe they would be able to give you some advice or plan ahead to deal with any potential issues.
I think that ultimately what you do should be decided by you and your FI. Really consider how comfortable you guys would be attending and whether it would make sense financially. And you should consider whether it would be too stressful for you; babies are very hardy, but too much stress isn’t good for mommy or baby.
If you decide you can’t make it work, then send your regrets along with a nice card to your cousin; you can always include a note saying that you were incredibly touched for the invitation.
If you do decide to go then do your best to remain civil and polite. Don’t engage your dad anymore than is necessary. And if things start to get unpleasant, you can always excuse yourself and step outside for a bit to collect yourself.
Post # 4
Assuming that your pregnancy was desired, I think that subjecting yourself to such a level of unneccessary stress while you’re already not feeling well may not be worth it!
Trying to attend a long-distance wedding, pay for that, potentially feel ill or endure family drama the whole time, and then make it to work the next day just seems like too much.
Post # 5
@polly-pocket: I agree with PP! Talk to your cousin about this, tell her how touched you are so she understands, then tell her how you don’t want to start drama at her wedding either. I’m sure you guys can talk it out together.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@polly-pocket: I have the same sort of relationship with my biological father. I would not go. We haven’t seen or heard from anyone on that side of the family in about 8 years. I would be very surprised if I recieved an invite.
Post # 7
Did you RSVP yes? If so, I would have a hard time backing out now. If you do go, you don’t need to have a lot of interaction with your dad.
Post # 8
@polly-pocket: I would go. Your cousin extended the invite, and despite everything, she seems to want to have a relationship with you.
Post # 9
I agree with talking to your cousin about it, and certainly don’t feel like you have to go. But since you are engaged, and pregnant, and starting this new family, I think it might be nice to build some bridges and see how things go. It will be a nice gesture to present yourself, and you can feel out whether these are people you want to be part of your fmaily’s life. You don’t have to tell anyone you’re pregnant, but when people do start to find out, it’ll be nice to have seen their reactions toward you and maturity about the situation before they knew there was a baby involved. Just a thought!
Post # 10
I would go but not if I can’t afford it. If money is very tight I would say no. However, did you already RSVP yes? If so, I would definitely go.
Post # 11
@polly-pocket: I’d skip it. You have to very good reasons not to go – money and the pregnancy, before you even consider the family issues. I’m in my first trimester and I really had to rally to attend a friend’s birthday dinner last night. I really paid for it with worse symptoms today. It was nice for your cousin to include you, but maybe you can make plans to connect in another way after the wedding.
Post # 12
I had a similar situation to this during my first trimester. No one knew I was pregnant and it stressed me out being there so much that I could feel my blood pressure was high. Looking back, the stress wasn’t worth risking mine and my baby’s health.
Post # 13
Like other posters said, I would talk to your cousin about your concerns (not that you’re pregnant, just the family drama). I hate conflict and awkwardness and I am also in my first trimester so I know how you feel! I would probably RSVP no but then send a nice card and a gift.