Whether to go to a wedding in first trimester- estranged family….

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: Would you attend this wedding?
    Yes : (12 votes)
    36 %
    No : (21 votes)
    64 %
  • Post # 3
    1666 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @polly-pocket:  Have you considered speaking with your cousin about your concerns? Maybe they would be able to give you some advice or plan ahead to deal with any potential issues.

    I think that ultimately what you do should be decided by you and your FI. Really consider how comfortable you guys would be attending and whether it would make sense financially. And you should consider whether it would be too stressful for you; babies are very hardy, but too much stress isn’t good for mommy or baby.

    If you decide you can’t make it work, then send your regrets along with a nice card to your cousin; you can always include a note saying that you were incredibly touched for the invitation.

    If you do decide to go then do your best to remain civil and polite. Don’t engage your dad anymore than is necessary. And if things start to get unpleasant, you can always excuse yourself and step outside for a bit to collect yourself.

    Post # 4
    584 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Assuming that your pregnancy was desired, I think that subjecting yourself to such a level of unneccessary stress while you’re already not feeling well may not be worth it!

    Trying to attend a long-distance wedding, pay for that, potentially feel ill or endure family drama the whole time, and then make it to work the next day just seems like too much.

    Post # 5
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @polly-pocket:  I agree with PP! Talk to your cousin about this, tell her how touched you are so she understands, then tell her how you don’t want to start drama at her wedding either. I’m sure you guys can talk it out together.

    Post # 6
    975 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    @polly-pocket:  I have the same sort of relationship with my biological father. I would not go. We haven’t seen or heard from anyone on that side of the family in about 8 years. I would be very surprised if I recieved an invite. 

    Post # 7
    3119 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Did you RSVP yes? If so, I would have a hard time backing out now. If you do go, you don’t need to have a lot of interaction with your dad. 

    Post # 8
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    @polly-pocket:  I would go. Your cousin extended the invite, and despite everything, she seems to want to have a relationship with you.

    Post # 9
    416 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I agree with talking to your cousin about it, and certainly don’t feel like you have to go.  But since you are engaged, and pregnant, and starting this new family, I think it might be nice to build some bridges and see how things go.  It will be a nice gesture to present yourself, and you can feel out whether these are people you want to be part of your fmaily’s life.  You don’t have to tell anyone you’re pregnant, but when people do start to find out, it’ll be nice to have seen their reactions toward you and maturity about the situation before they knew there was a baby involved.  Just a thought!

    Post # 10
    8720 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I would go but not if I can’t afford it. If money is very tight I would say no. However, did you already RSVP yes? If so, I would definitely go.

    Post # 11
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @polly-pocket:  I’d skip it. You have to very good reasons not to go – money and the pregnancy, before you even consider the family issues. I’m in my first trimester and I really had to rally to attend a friend’s birthday dinner last night. I really paid for it with worse symptoms today. It was nice for your cousin to include you, but maybe you can make plans to connect in another way after the wedding. 

    Post # 12
    447 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I had a similar situation to this during my first trimester. No one knew I was pregnant and it stressed me out being there so much that I could feel my blood pressure was high. Looking back, the stress wasn’t worth risking mine and my baby’s health. 

    Post # 13
    2494 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Like other posters said, I would talk to your cousin about your concerns (not that you’re pregnant, just the family drama). I hate conflict and awkwardness and I am also in my first trimester so I know how you feel! I would probably RSVP no but then send a nice card and a gift.


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