Post # 1
I just wanted to vent and share and see if some bees out there are going through/have gone through this…
FI and I are putting together our guest list, probably won’t finalize till the fall, although we did already send save the dates to relatives, so they know the details.
I am really struggling over which friends to invite. I have combed pinterest and the whole internet for guest inviting algorithms. They all seem great but there are so many people who are inbetween… Like some old friends from college who I don’t see anymore but spent a decent amount of time with. Or my new friends who I’ve made in the past year since moving to a new city. I feel all this pressure, that the guests have to all be relatives and BFFs. They have to be people I will love forever and no matter what happens I will be so glad they were there on that day. And if they aren’t invited, then I don’t care about them and I’ll never see them again. AHHHHH!
I finally realized today that I was putting all this pressure on myself and my guest list- you know what, there are people who matter to me, but there is a limit to the number of people we can invite. Choosing sucks. But it doesn’t mean that people won’t be my friend anymore just because I have a seating limit at my reception venue (or if they won’t then maybe we won’t be friends anymore… but I’m pretty sure I won’t miss anyone important…)
One that I really struggled with for a while was my college roommates. They kind of ditched me the last semester, except for one of them. Nothing crazy, no huge breaking off or anything, just like sort of ignoring me but sort of ackowledging me. Since we graduated never have tried to get in touch with me when I tried to get in touch with them. But, they were so instrumental in getting FI and I together! So I just don’t know… but I think I’ve decided not to invite them because they aren’t really a part of my life anymore and I think they sort of care about me but not really that much. Weird gray areas…
So yeah, anyone have similar experiences to share?
Post # 3
I’ve been there!! What I ended up finding was, it’s a good idea to invite “groups” of friends, like all work firends, or all old college friends, and if you exclude, try and see if you can exclude a whole group. It would be very hard to invite one friend from work and not the others that you work with because tthat would hurt feelings. When you say to a group of people (and then they confer to make sure you’re not lying lol) that you’re on a limited guest list, and not everyone could be invited, there is much less hurt and anger then if you pick and choose among groups, does that make sense? That’s kind of the motto we adopted anyway!
Post # 4
@AirForceWife78: Thanks! That is super helpful advice! Definitely helped me figure things out more!
Post # 5
it kind of early to have a guest list.relationships change so much.you have a year and a month before your wedding.i would just see how friendships go over the next 6 months and go from there.your college roomates,if you dont bother with each other now,i dought you will by your wedding next year so i would count them out if it were me because i dought we will suddendly become close again in the future.
Post # 6
first: MAKE A BUDGET
how many people can you afford to invite?
that will dicate the number of guests. then figure out who you absolutely can’t live without being there, add family.
how many spaces are left? then add the next circle out, etc until you reach your budgeted limit on guests.
Post # 7
I worried about this too, but my parents gave great advice: they suggested we invite the people who are closest to us/in our lives the most NOW, because the wedding is now. You have no real way of knowing who your friends will be 20 years from now, but you know who your closest friends are now. Worrying about people you used to be close to before but aren’t now is sweet, but imo unrealistic. There’s a reason relationships fizzle out; I say generally, let them fizzle.
Post # 8
@chercee: Wow, that is also some really helpful advice to add to the mix. Thank you!!!
Post # 9
@nawella: You’re welcome! 🙂 I hope your planning goes smoothly!
Post # 10
im in the same boat. as soon as i posted the engagement on FB i had so many people anticipating an invite. i feel bad but i cant afford to invite everyone. even some family members arent making the cut. i have a tentative list thats already packed, but i might end up taking some plus ones in order to invite more close people. good luck.
Post # 11
@CarpefnDiem: good luck to you too! It’s hard! I don’t do too much Facebook but noticed my mom posted a lot so I asked her to rein just because I don’t want people to feel hurt when they don’t get invited and they’ve been hearing all this wedding news.
Post # 12
1) people who you keep in touch with
2) people who you absolutely cannot imagine not being there
Post # 13
I would stick to the essentials, especially if you are on a budget. I am personnally not inviting childhood friends I’ve lost touch with, even if, back them, I imagined myself having them as bridesmaids. Same with work colleagues : love ’em, but won’t break my heart if they’re not there. Good luck, it’s not an easy process but I’m sure you’ll do fine !
Post # 14
I would invite the friends you spend time with now, and only invite the college friends that you still keep in good touch with.
My ‘best friend’ of years that was also instrumental in getting my SO and I together I would not invite to my wedding now no matter how close we were. We didn’t have a huge fight/falling out but she’s just not in my life anymore and not someone I want sharing my special day with me.
You could also ask yourself ‘Would I care if I was invited to their wedding?’ and if not cut them!
Post # 15
Here’s a couple simple things…
1. BUDGET and stick to it.
2. when choosing those last friends and staying in budget ask yourself.. if “Sally” were to get married and I wasn’t invited would I be offended? If yes then you are close friends and I would include them on the guest list. If the answer is no, then I would have no problem not inviting them to the ceremony and reception.
3. Make the final list and don’t feel bad about it. It’s your day and the people you want to be there with you. No matter how many or how few you invite someone will be upset but don’t let it get in the way of what is the most important part… YOU are MARRYING the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE
Post # 16
I’m sorry…this can be one of the most stressful parts! I would suggest figuring out who really matters to both of you. We knew that we didn’t want to look back at wedding photos and not recognize someone because we hadn’t seen them since our wedding. We decided that with friends, all designated “best friends” or really long-term friends were coming (I mean…if they can). From there we picked friends we had known together for years and who had been a part of our relationship in some way. We are keeping our list at 80 at the MOST. It’s hard, but make sure you really decide before trying to compose the guest list and sending STDs.