Post # 1
So I’m watching “Birth Day” on Discovery Health and the doctor is telling the mom that the pain “really isn’t that bad.” Maybe it’s my imminent delivery, but I was a little pissed off for the mom. Who’s to say how bad the pain is for her? How does the doctor know that isn’t the worst pain she’s ever felt?? Why on earth would the doctor try to undermine her confidence by trying to convince her she is overreacting??? GAH!
So a question occurred to me: Which is worse? The male OB describing labor pain (which he can NEVER truly understand) or the female OB being dismissive about the woman’s labor pain (because she thinks her own labor was SO much worse…)?
Post # 3
I think both of those would annoy me. 🙂 Everything I’ve read says that one of the most important things a woman needs during labor is emtional support and understanding. Being dismissive of the woman’s feelings and pain isn’t helpful.
Although I will say that I was not very happy when a male nurse at my doctor’s office recently lectured me for 10 minutes on how easy breastfeeding is and how women rarely have problems breastfeeding. According to him, most women who don’t breastfeed are “making up excuses” so they don’t have to be the only one responsible for the baby’s feedings. And to that I give the ol’ side eye.
Post # 4
You know if you go to some of the birth boards out there, there is a really strong anti-woman OB sentiment… and I just don’t get that!
My OB has had 3 babies, both vaginally and C-section. She’s breastfed. She knows her stuff medically and IRL. Why wouldn’t you want that as part of your doctor’s repetoire?
(Not necessarily totally applicable to the scenario here, but I still don’t get it!)
Post # 5
I used to have a really negative viewpoint of men OBGYNs but after working with my reproductive endocrinologist, I just feel totally different. He was always incredibly sympathetic and understanding about pain and other issues (not labor, but, ya know…) and all of his patients loved having him as their doctor. So I think the *right* male doctor would be ok. I don’t need someone to sympathize with me, I need a doctor to tell me what to expect. Even if he hasn’t experienced it personally, he sure has had a lot of experience with it.
I’d be FAR more pissed off about someone telling me, “dude…no big deal. Brush it off and stop whining” basically.
Post # 6
Anyone telling me that my pain can’t be that bad would annoy me since how would they know?? Plus, each person’s pain tolerance is different!
Post # 7
I don’t have anything against male OB’s but I everytime mine tells me what birth will be like I’m completely skeptical in the back of my mind. Yes I know he’s seen a lot of births, but he hasn’t done it so I’m just a little…skeptical.
My other pet peeve is the woman who teaches my baby class who has never had children of her own. Again, I get that she’s seen it, but I can watch people ride a rollercoaster and I would still never get it until I ride it for myself, you know?
@DG: I’m not sure where all the anti-woman sentiment comes from either? If there had been one available in my area on my insurance plan I would have preferred a doctor with personal experience in that area!
Sidenote: I’m also annoyed when men are dismissive of uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms. I had someone tell me to “suck it up” during a particularly strong BH contraction…after I could breathe again I punched him in the kidney and told him to suck it up.
Post # 8
That’s weird, DG. I have always preferred female OBs; I figure they have some personal experience in the area that makes me a little more comfortable. 🙂
Post # 9
@Mrs Spring: That male nurse can shove it. I probably would have said that out loud. Firstly because he’s passing judgement on anyone who doesn’t breastfeed, and secondly because he can’t possible know if it’s “easy” or not! ALL the research says that breastfeeding is dependent on the support that the mother receives from those around her in order to continue breastfeeding! So it’s not that the mother is being lazy, she may not be supported by those around her!!
Post # 10
With my oldest, I went to a Womens Center, where there were three drs that could have delivered my daughtr. All men. Two of them were awesome, amazing. One had horrible bedside manner, was dismissive and had the the biggest, scariest sausage fingers EVER. I told him flat out that I would rather give birth in a glass littered alley than see him ever again. Thankfully, my favorite dr delivered my daughter. When he opened a private practice, I followed him there bc he was so great. He totally put me at ease and made me feel really good about decisions I was making.
For this baby, I’m going back to the Womens Center from the reccomendation of the PA at my PCP office. My dr has relocated. The awful dr has left the practice. It’s now two female drs and the other dr that I liked before. I met with one of the female drs and I really liked her. We even laughed at some of the indignities of birth at my first visit, so I really liked that she had that perspective. I’m kind of looking forward to having a lady dr this time.
When I had my first daughter also, there was a male nurse on duty. I swear to this day, and my uncle totally agrees with me, that he was trying to hit on me (I was single). I was finally like, “You. Shut the f— up or get out.” That still makes me cringe.
I voted ANYONE telling me anything about my pain would piss me off. I tend to not have much of a filter IRL in these situations, so my husband and my mom joke that I’ll probably get so irritated that I’ll just to try up and leave and do it myself. If someone said to me that my pain wasn’t that bad, I would have a really hard time not getting lippy with them.
Post # 11
@ Mighty Sapphire! LOL at the punch in the kidney!! I had originally typed instead of “getting lippy” that I would probably try to punch the dr in the vagina.
Post # 12
One reason why I chose my OB is because when my sister was pregnant with her second child, my OB was also pregnant with her first so she was more empathetic to us pregnant women. Huge bonus points for me.
Guy OB’s don’t annoy me, I am just more comfy with women OB/GYNs. Now, if a man would ever make a comment like you ladies have mentioned above he will have problems with me. Same with any women, especially if they never experienced it.
@Mighty – Your sidenote cracked me up. I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same thing.
Post # 13
Bwahahahaha! These stories make me giggle. 🙂
Post # 14
haha yeah that’s crazy.
I would be mad at the Male OB trying to say it isn’t that bad. I’ve heard from my mom and several of her friends that childbirth is probably the worst pain a woman will ever know (except in special circumstances obviously). So no, I don’t think that any guy could ever KNOW. Even getting kicked in the nuts isn’t half as bad!
If I was in labor and the dude said that to me I’d probably yell at him or throw something at him, or tell my hefty husband to kick him in the ass! 🙂
Post # 15
My OBs office had 2 male and 3 female OBs and I would have preferred either of the males to this one female OB. She was just so cold and had zero bedside manner and wouldn’t you know that she ended up delivering my daughter?! She even told the nurses to try and make me start pushing at 9pm because she wanted to get to bed but I wasn’t dialated fully and didn’t deliver until 2:44am! Serves her right.
Fortunately, my labor was pretty uneventful though people kept trying to tell me to “just breathe” which in the midst of things was pretty unhelpful! I get the whole relaxing and flowing with the contractions but actually having one is way different!
Post # 16
Haha oh wow. Yeah maybe I’m just the one weird who wants a clinical explanation of what to expect, not so much dependent on a personal experience. My RE was SOO sympathetic. In fact, Darling Husband made a joke about him because he’s so nice and caring. Sigh. Or maybe it’s cuz i have my whatnot looked at by so many specialists, I don’t care if they’ve been there/done that anymore. I dunno, it’s not any different than having an OBGYN who hasn’t had kids yet, ya know? then again, my previous obgyn was a little sweet indian lady w/o kids, so….eh. Maybe i just lucked out with all my providers so far. I will say I’m more uncomfortable with OLDER doctors. How agist is that? I’d feel weird explaining issues to a lady my parents’ age, ha.
@MightySapphire, I think this baby has made you more feisty =]. And yeah, some people need to be punched in the box. Seriously wtf is up with these people and their nasty comments?!