- 5 years ago
I’ve been with my FI for about 6 years. We’ve been MAJOR long distance (I’m in California, and he’s in Eastern Canada). We’ve managed to see each other every few months, have a happy relationship, and we’re engaged/planning a wedding for next year.
We’ve begun seriously talking about moving. Logically I know this is something we should have considered years ago, but we always just took the ‘we’ll figure it out eventually’ approach, and now here we are.
FI has a career, and I do not. He’s a few years older than me, so he’s been established in his company for a few years. I, however, graduated last year from college and I’ve been working in non-profits. His company, however, is an international corporation and there are offices literally in every city in the US.
So naturally I’d say I should move, because he is more firmly rooted than I am. BUT this is where it gets hard for me:
I’m very, very close to my family and friends. I see my family roughly twice a week, and I see my friends usually the same. This has always been the case, even when I was working full time and going to school full time. I love them, I’m very close to them, and a very social person.
FI is not. He’s much more a loner to be honest. He prefers being alone, staying in every night. He’s content seeing his friends about once every couple of months, and that’s only if I nag him. His sister lives closeby and he sees her maybe once a month if he can be bothered.
I can’t imagine my life without my friends and family. Whenever I ask why he doesn’t see/speak to his more often, he just shrugs and says he doesn’t need to.
I’m terrified that if I move to Canada with him, I’m going to live a totally isolated life. I know eventually I’ll make my own friends, but until that happens I’ll be dependent upon him for socialization.
I keep saying if he moves to California with me, then he can still be perfectly happy being alone, but I won’t be forced to. I can still go out with my friends, still spend time with my family, and he can stay home if that’s what he chooses.
I don’t know what to do. I know there’s so much more to consider than “Who has the better job?” and “Who needs their circle of friends/family more?” but this fear won’t go away. I love him, he makes me happy, but I’m so scared I’m going to be completely lonely. I know I’ll feel resentful moving away if he doesn’t even care about being near his loved ones.
Any advice, insight, stories, please help 🙁