Post # 1
So, when asking for a blessing, it seems like the traditional thing to do is to ask the father. Well, I’m in a fairly common boat (unfortunately). Her parents are divorced, and she lives in the same city as her mom and step-father (she sees her dad once every month or two and talks to him on the phone weekly). In less than two weeks, I’m going to visit her, and I’m going to spend that weekend meeting with her family members, whoever they may be. I just don’t know how to go about doing it. I don’t want to offend anyone since I’m basically asking to become part of their family.
Here’s the best I’ve been able to come up with. Early in our relatioship she said that she views her step-father as a father figure, so I was thinking about talking with her mom and step-dad at the same time and request their blessing. Her dad lives several hours away, so I thought about calling him and having some sort of conversation over the phone (I have no idea if that’s a good idea or not, or how that conversation would go).
Do you bees have any advice or suggestions for me? This is probably going to be more nerve-wracking than the actual proposal, and I want to make sure that everyone receives their due respect.
Post # 3
My parents are divorced and my FI asked both my mom and my dad. Maybe as to sit down with her mom & step-dad and call her dad?
Post # 4
Ask both. I’m sure both her mother and father will be happy to be asked.
Post # 5
i agree with PPs, speak with her mum and step-dad in person and call her dad 🙂
Post # 6
@MrNavidson: If it’s possible to have a meal with all 3 of them…(perhaps the dad can drive over to the parent’s side of town or meet halfway?) And ask all together?
If not, asking the parents (including step dad) first and maybe on same day or day after meet the dad to ask for blessing?
I think it should be done in person for both parents..
Post # 7
Ask both. That’s what my FI did because my parents are divorced and everyone was really happy with it.
Post # 8
@NekoBride: I don’t think it’s possible to meet with all three of them in the same weekend, let alone the same day. Her mom and dad live in different states, and both families seem to travel all the time (about every other weekend it seems). This is the only time I’ll be visiting her hometown before I intend to propose, so I don’t have too many options to work with. I do want to make sure all of her family is on-board before going forward with everything.
Post # 9
I dont beleive in asking permission anymore but if your going to ask her mom and step dad first and then her dad.
Post # 10
Maybe you can check with her about whether it would be meaningful for you to talk to her dad. That is what my fiancé did since my parents are divorced and I’m glad because he wasn’t planning to ask my mom and she’s the one who raised me. She was very, very touched and I think it made him happy to know that she was so happy about him becoming her son-in-law.
Based on what you said, definitely talk to the mom and stepfather but probably also her father.
Just the fact that you are being so thoughtful about this is really sweet. I hope you have a smooth and joyful proposal!
Post # 11
@Fairy Penguin: Thanks for the advice! She and I haven’t discussed marriage at all (the closest we’ve been to the issue is agreeing that we’ll live with each other when when we’re married), so asking her about something like that might get her suspicious about an upcoming surprise :). I know she loves her dad, but she admits that she doesn’t view him as her father. I think once I talk to her family, I’ll ask her mom about what the best course of action would be. I’ve only seen her father once, so driving half a day to visit him would be pretty awkward for a shy guy like me.
Post # 12
oops, I keep bumping old threads by clicking on “related posts” and replying before looking at the date of the thread. Sorry.