Post # 1
There seem to be 2 groups of us here, those who know a ring is coming, whether it was picked out together, mentioned, hinted at, or found, and are waiting for a proposal; and those who do not know if there is a ring around yet and are waiting (possibly even taking the Christmas challenge) for more discussion or a proposal.
Which type of waiting do you think is more difficult?
Post # 3
I’ve been in a lot of types of waiting. With my last bf I really wanted to get married and he was totally playing games with me. It was hard, but it wasn’t on my mind ALL the time. There were days or weeks even when I wouldn’t think about it.
Then with this bf I suspected he was shopping because he would drop hints but there was no confirmation…. harder, but I didn’t feel that much anxiety because I figured shopping could take months.
Then when I found out that he had chosen a ring (when my friend told me), it got ridiculous. I know he has picked a ring, so give it to me already!! I don’t know if he has it in his possession or not and I’m glad. If I knew he actually had it in hand I might lose my mind. 🙂
Post # 4
I think they all can be hard on everyone. What happened to me was that almost 2 years in we were talking about marriage and he constantly reassured me that he wanted to marry me but nothing happened for at least another year. All I kept hearing was that he had the perfect date.
After the engagement, he told me the reason he waited was to make sure I was truly ready because I wasn’t just marrying him. His father has been living with him for 4 years now so he would be coming with us including all his baggage. I took the task head on when we moved in together last year. The engagement happened 3 months later.
Post # 5
I think it’s all hard…generally I think you either deal with one or the other (either waiting before the ring purchase, or waiting after the ring purchase). I sure hope there aren’t a lot of us who had to wait forever for him to buy it, and then wait forever again to get it!
I’m pretty sure once J buys the ring I’ll get it soon after that, so I probably won’t ever have to get frustrated over not wearing the ring that’s hidden in the closet/drawer/whatever. BUT…it does feel like I’ve been waiting FOREVER to get to point where he buys it!
I think the hardest would be actively planning the wedding but waiting for a proposal…which I why I’m refusing to start planning concretely AT ALL.
Post # 6
other: I don’t know if he’s bought a ring. I don’t know when he will propose. All I know is he intends to ask me one day this milennium. Until then I will gather ideas but not ‘plan’ as such. He isn’t winding me up with hints or anything and he certainly knows what an e-ring is, heck he even knows what I would and wouldn’t like out of them.
Post # 7
At first I thought this was a lay up. To me, having all kinds of doubts as to whether or not your bf is even planning on proposing seems way worse than knowing he has a ring, but is waiting. Although I like reading the different persepectives.
I do have to disclose, however, I am a bit of an outsider. My DH proposed before I was ever thinking he would. So I suppose I don’t really get a vote. Just how I saw it as an outsider. But some gals who have been through it seem to think it’s all hard.
Post # 8
The hardest thing for me was knowing he was going to ask me but also knowing that as soon as he did, he would want the wedding to happen like magic!
Now that we have gotten past that though, it is just hard to figure out a budget that we can both agree on and both be happy with and still have MY dream day.
Post # 9
I think the hardest was waiting for him to come home from Iraq, KNOWING he had the damn ring on him. Sigh. Getting engaged to him was up there with the “wow i haven’t seen you in 8 months” feeling =]. Thankfully they went hand in hand har =]
Post # 10
i said other. we’re in a holding pattern at the moment. we’ve discussed marriage and went ring shopping and talk about what we’ll be doing when we’re married. however, we can move forward with that until the boy finds a job and moves out to california with me. so we’ve got to wait for that before we can move on to the next. there are a lot of moving pieces to negotiate around.
Post # 11
The hardest kind of waiting is the kind that involves waiting. 😛
Seriously though, the hardest for me would be if my SO were playing games with me. I don’t put up with that kind of bullsh*t, especially after experiencing a fake proposal.
I know for sure that he won’t have a ring until after he’s finally sold his house and moved into an apartment, and that will be at the end of October. Once he actually has the ring I doubt he’ll want to hold onto it for a long time, so that waiting won’t be so hard!
Post # 12
For me, knowing he had the ring & waiting for him to propose was rough.
Whenever we’d see each other I’d be sugar & spice. I’d prove I’m a domestic goddess & that I would make a wonderful wife…. but he still made me wait for 6, SIX, visits after he bought the ring. Grrr. lol it still grinds my gears a little. *and breathe*
Post # 13
It’s the not knowing what the concrete next steps are for me. (Can you tell the Type A part of me is creeping in here??). We had a conversation about getting engaged, marriage, future plans, etc. almost a month ago. “Sooner rather than later” is all I got. So I have NOOO IDEA what his plans are next. We discussed opening a joint savings account and a rough goal of how much we’d like to put away per month, but has this happened yet? No! So part of me is worried about his sincerity, but another part of me knows that he more than likely has his own timeline in his head and he probably has a lot of it worked out. I know he wants the proposal to be a very big surprise, which is obviously fine, but the part about not moving toward being married in a concrete way is kind of not okay. I’m not really tooo worried about it yet, but I think come December (once I’ve officially passed the challenge!), we’ll need to revisit – if I have a ring by then or not!
Post # 14
On a side note, I voted “Other” because my situation is kinda in between two of the choices. But I’m surpised that the majority of votes went to the “BF is playing games” and “Not sure the BF knows what an e-ring is” categories! Women, you cannot be okay with the game-playing!!! Get your dudes to commit to something – even if it’s not buying you a ring right now, at least to commit to being there for you and with you for the long haul!
Post # 15
Once I knew he had the ring and he still didn’t propose was the worst! Granted, I only had to wait 2 weeks but it drove me nutso! He told me later, after he proposed, that he waited because he knew I was suspicious! If I had known that, I would have played dumb 🙂
Post # 16
I agree with Jaxx317. But I think he’s playing games because he has agreed that marriage will be our next step but he hasn’t asked. We have had a lot of financial setbacks beginning at around our one year mark and now everything is starting to settle back down to wear we need it to be and i am just waiting for the proposal. i feel like i am in a holding pattern sometimes. Recently it hasn’t been so bad because I haven’t really thought about it but I’m sure as more of the girls on the board and in my life get engaged it will get more difficult for me to not say anything, however I am on the Christmas challenge so errr the day after Christmas a very interesting conversation may be occuring if we aren’t engaged lol!! Seriously I will let him have his manhood. He said we’d be married in 18 months so I will let him have that and he knows that it will take me about 8 months or so to plan a wedding, and we discussed that about a month ago so maybe around my birthday I should be getting weary lol!!