Post # 1
I just feel like whining, ok? Please feel free to add how you’re acting like a spoiled brat to make me feel like I’m not alone!
Background: We have a 5 month old. DH’s family lives 45 minutes away, and they work fulltime, so the only time they see the baby is on the weekends. Which means that EVERY weekend, we have to hang out with his family for hours at a time so they can get their fill of the baby for the week.
Well, my birthday is in a few weeks, and it falls on a Saturday. Honestly, if I could do anything that weekend, it would be for DH, DS and I to lock ourselves away, stay in our PJs, carry in and nap. Except, I just found out his sister is coming into town that weekend and his parents now want to do plans one day just the immediate family and then a big, extended family brunch the next day to celebrate my birthday/his sister being in town. They are insisting on separate plans because “when the whole family gets together, they don’t get enough alone time with the Little Man.” DH is close with his sister, so he’s pumped she’s coming and wants to max out time with her. This would be just fine ANY other weekend. But it’s my birthday weekend and I DON’T WANT TO!!! WHINEEEEEEE!!! I know I’m being such a baby, but I’ll have to fight with DH about minimizing plans because he won’t “get” why I don’t want to hang out with his sister/family all weekend. It’s not her, she’s great. I just want that weekend to myself
Post # 3
@ExcitedScaredBee: Why not just do one day of family stuff? If you go on saturday, then stay home/do something else on Sunday. Extended family can’t MAKE you do something.
Post # 4
@ExcitedScaredBee: I think its ok to insist on only one big family thing. Your DH can tell his parents, “sorry but you’ll have to do without your hours of baby time this weekend, ESB wants to have a relaxing day with just us and the baby for her birthday, and I want to give her that.” I know these peole want to see the baby, but you are not captive to their wills.
Post # 5
Every weekend? Seriously? That’s insane. I would express to DH it’s your birthday and you need a break. You’re not asking for much, you’re really not. He should take the hit, explain to his family that he has plans made already for part of the weekend, but happy to go to see his sister. The rest of the weekend is when he will celebrate your birthday.
45 min, sorry is not that far away. They could come to your house, or you got to theirs for dinner. No one says it has to be a 10 hour visit. good luck!!
Post # 6
@Giraffelover: I know, that sounds so LOGICAL, but nothing with my DH’s family is logical. They (including DH) just won’t understand staying in and doing nothing when you can be together…..
Post # 7
Honestly I think it’s perfectly acceptable to only want to spend half of your birthday weekend with his family. I would explain to them that you want one day to spend with YOUR immediate family (just you, DH, and DS). I don’t think that’s too much to ask for! Or if it really is that big of a deal to them, you could spend the weekend before/after at home celebrating your birthday 🙂 Don’t worry I’d be upset about it too. My DH’s family has “pizza night” at his grandma’s every Friday night and it can be soooo annoying to always be expected to go.
Post # 8
That is INSANE (them, not you!)
I would tell DH that you and baby will do one day and that you hope he will do what YOU want for the other day since it’s your birthday.
I also think it’s not too much for you to tell him you aren’t cool with spending every freaking weekend with his parents. You are allowed to stay home and do absolutely nothing, it doesn’t make you a bad person, some people LIKE to have alone time…I know I do. I wouldn’t want to be visiting every weekend, that’s just too much, they need to get a clue and be more respectful of you as a new mom.
Post # 9
I would be so annoyed if they expected me to see them every weekend, and then they made huge plans for my birthday without asking me first. I’m the same way as you, OP. I would want to just stay home and lounge around, but now you have to feel bad if you tell them you don’t want to do something. I would tell them they have to pick which day they want you (private time Saturday, or your attendance to the bigger party on Sunday), but that they can’t have both.
ETA: I can’t believe that they visit every weekend. I would tell them to calm down if I were you. That will just get to be too stressful! Weekend time is for relaxing not entertaining in-laws. 45 mins is a long way to drive with an infant, and about how far my FSIL lives from my FILs. They don’t get to see the baby as often, but it is how it is. They don’t need to see her every weekend.
Post # 10
I feel your pain! I would do the hang out just the three of you on the weekend before your birthday or the one after; and on the weekend, I would attend only the bigger celebration but let your DH go to the “hours with baby” by himself with baby and take the day for some “me time”.
Post # 11
OMG every weekend is wayyyy too much. First of all, that needs to stop anyways. Second– I would totally be with you on not wanting to spend both days of YOUR birthday weekend with your inlaws!! If it is just a losing battle start to finish due to your SIL being in town, maybe barter. 2 days during your birthday weekend and he 1) recognizes that you are a wonderful and ridiculously accommoating wife and 2) gives you the entire weekend before or off to just hang with him/baby and do your birthday celebrating that weekend.
Post # 12
@ExcitedScaredBee: I’d recommend that you go along with his family’s plans for your birthday weekend but claim the previous or subsequent weekend as YOUR celebretory birthday weekend to do what YOU want.
Explain to your husband that you love his family and that you love that they love your baby and want to see him and you. BUT, that you also cherish and NEED some down time with just your own family (meaning him, you and your baby) and that you need to carve out some time for just the three of you to be and bond and enjoy one another.
Be a good sport about your birthday weekend but ask for an alternate weekend to keep to yourselves. Ask your husband to run a little interference with his own family and ask them to check with him or you before making plans they expect you to comply with. If you show your husband you can be a good sport for his and his family’s sake, he’s more likely to be open (and less defensive) of you asking for time away from extended family.
Post # 13
OMG – every single weekend?!?! That is nuts. I would tell them I was busy, sorry! See you all on Sunday!
Post # 14
Whine away! I feel like our weekends are so full and we don’t even have a kid yet! Can you take next weekend as your birthday weekend and tell your hubby no family that weekend?
Post # 15
I would seriously be annoyed over that. My birthday = my time and what I want to do!
Luckily for me, DH is just as anti social as I am most of the time so he’d be totally on board with that. Hope it works out OP.
Post # 16
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I don’t think you’re being a baby. I can relate – my birthday is Christmas Eve, and my husband’s family on his dad’s side* always gets together on Christmas Eve night. Always have, always will. My husband doesn’t see my side of the argument at all, that sometimes I want to pick what we do/where we go for dinner on my birthday, because he “never sees” that side of the family (um, you never TRY to, either, and everyone lives within an hour of each other…) He also has shot down every compromise I’ve tried to throw – maybe every other year we alternate his family/my birthday, maybe we could split up for the night and I go see my family for my birthday and he sees his family for Xmas….. nope, not having any of it: “But they bought you presents!!” So… I’ve pretty much forfeited my birthdays for eternity to keep the peace :-/ I wish I had advice, but I don’t.
*Note that this isn’t my husband’s parents/siblings, this is his DAD’S siblings and their kids… To pile on the unfairness, I see my parents maybe once every 5 months, and we see his parents every weekday and most weekends. We see his extended family every year, but my extended family only every ~3 years (and he has never even met my dad’s siblings and their kids). Sorry for soapbox! I just wanted to relate and it opened so many feelings!