- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016
Bees, I think I might explode. Not in a good way, but not in a bad way either. I just don’t know how to feel. Talk some sense into me?
The plan was always that my SO would be moving out of his parents’ house this summer. So for the past few weeks we’ve been looking at apartment listings and seeing a few in person. Well we just came back from seeing one and we both loved it, so he’s going to put a deposit on it tomorrow.
And then SO asked me if I’d be spending a lot more time there… The thing is, I was always planning on having more sleepovers there. But since I go to grad school in another state (I’m home on weekends) I never really thought about moving in, and we hadn’t really talked about it in those terms. We also never brought up fully living together for financial reasons. I am fully dependent on my parents and will be for the next few years. With my program I can’t even work part time and I went to grad school straight out of undrgrad so I never had a chance to work and save any money. This is both embarassing and very lucky. But lately more so embarassing and depressing.
I can’t afford anything. So if I lived more so with SO than my parents he would be covering most of the costs, and he doesn’t make enough to support both of us. He has enough to live on his own and treat me sometimes, but not to fully take over my parents. I never thought I would move out on my own before I could support myself.
So I’m kind of in complete shock. He never actually asked me to move in, so I never really thought about it. And it still wouldn’t be like I’m fully moving in since I do spend a good chunck of the week in another state. But he is thinking about me being at his place more than I am at my current home (with my parents).
I told my parents that he was looking for a place but we never even talked about me moving out. It was always sort of understood that I have no money so I can’t really make those type of decisions. As embarassing as it is, I will admit that I get an allowance. It’s not much, but it’s way more that I could have considering I don’t work. Since I never discussed moving out wih my parents, I have no idea how they’ll react. I don’t know if they would volunteer to give my SO some rent money, pay for groceries, or anything. And it could go completely the other way where they’ll think it’s completely pointless for me to stay with him instead of at home. My parents’ house is substantially bigger than any apartment my SO could get. So I can kind of picture my parents asking why I would want to give it up in favor of anything smaller.
We aren’t a religious family, and aren’t even that traditional. But it’s just the 4 of us (my parents, me, and my younger brother). So we never had to cross this bridge before.
What do I do? How should I even think about this?
Originally I thought we were just going to take it slow and that I would ease my parents into it. That I would still live at home but spend a night or 2 at SO’s place every weekend. Then as time went on I would spend more and more time there until eventually more of my things would be there, and after a while my parents would get used to the idea of me not being home as much. (Even though I already spend a lot of time in my school state.)
I’m not sure how to feel about all of this. It’s all kind of out of nowhere. Help?