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"I can't tell people who they can bring or what they can wear to my wedding."
Um...yes you can. The hosts dictate the guest list, not the guests. Also- that friend can return her dress- "being a proper wedding guest 101 is that you don't wear white-unless asked to!" You are not being unreasonable at all. Sorry that people are causing stress!
@MrsDulce: The only reason I can think of for this girl to demand to be able to bring someone is that maybe she doesn't want to travel alone? How far is the destination from where she's at? It sucks to have to travel alone, pay for the full hotel room, etc. Will she know a lot of people there? Either way, she seems to be going about this the wrong way.
It IS you and your FI's day and you can tell them if they can bring a guest or not. It sucks and is hard, but you and your fiance need to be comfortable and happy with whoever is coming!
ETA: Uh yeah and you can totally shut down the girl that wants to wear white! You just don't DO THAT. It's like wedding common sense 101.
I avoided some of this by stating we were eloping but since some of our closest friends and family were upset we are going to make it a DW with just the very closest family and friends.
White dress on a guest! Now that is definite just to be a B! It is one of the most well known things about a wedding; only the bride can ware white! She will just look jealous and petty if she does, I think everyone is aware of this major don’t.
More like I would say. Well unless you are the bride or a wannabe I would advise you put a colored belt on that white dress you plan to ware.
You're not the one being a bitch--that would be pretty much everyone else on the planet. What kind of people are these?! Inviting themselves? Booking trips without an invite? Bringing guests without an invite? Wearing white???
Call the girl who is bringing a date and tell her that her date is not invited. She may bring him on the trip if she likes but he is absolutely not invited to the ceremony or reception. You are having a small wedding and have only invited close friends and family. This man is neither. This is your wedding--it's not bitchy to refuse to accomodate an uninvited guest.
For the people who assume they are invited or get whiny when they were not invited, just say that the wedding is very small and you wish you could have invited everyone that you wanted to.
For the idiot woman wearing the white dress, someone else should get involved. Tell a mutual friend about it and ask her to talk to her for you. You can't tell her what to wear but you can let her know that it's inappropriate for her to wear a white dress to a wedding when she is not the bride. I'd also consider sending her something like an emily post article or a dear abby column to show her how rude and inappropriate she is being and how bad that would make her look.
WHY do people want to wear white to a wedding? In my everyday life I hardly ever see someone dressed in white. But on the ONE occasion where it's improper, people suddenly insist on wearing it. I DON'T GET IT!
Anyway, as someone who in the last couple of months bought two dresses from The Limited's wedding dress sale--they were not expensive. The short ones were recently going for $30. So I'm not buying her claim that it was expensive unless she bought it a long time ago.
We don't have space for +1's unless they are living together, but ours is a DW too, and I totally get that people don't want to travel as a single or alone to a DW. So what we are telling those without a +1 is that they are welcome to bring as many friends as they want to the destination, but we just don't have space at the wedding for them, so they can party all weekend long aside from those couple of hours at the wedding. If they're still uncomfortable with that, then they'll have to RSVP no.
And for the girl wearing white, show her the etiquette book about the ONE color guests should NOT wear to a wedding. She just wants attention.
Okay, I am totally not usually sarcastic today-but I'll go 2:2. How about splashing a colored drink on the woman who insists she's wearing a short white dress from the Limited Wedding line! ;)
First, I don't think you are being irrational or a B or anything. This stuff scares the crap out of me!!! I am also having a destination wedding and trying to keep it to 40 but it will more likely end up as 50 due to some of these same things. I haven't gotten and bad attitudes or people writing in a date but I only just sent save the dates (with rsvp info). I have to say that the girl wearing the white dress is ridiculous-don't worry about it too much though because you WILL look better and she will just look like a tactless, classless fool. I can promise that. The chick that brought an offensive date before scares me a bit but I assume that she is a close friend or she wouldn't have been invited-if she is just talk to her and ask about this dude she is bringing. Try to meet him ahead of time and if there is conflict DO NOT have any problem disinviting them. You should not have to worry on your wedding day.
I am trying to prepare for the "where's my invite" questions. When trying to keep it small there is no choice but to cut someone out. For me it is certain friends and maybe even my aunt and cousins. I had to make decisions based on who was the closest to me and FI-who has spent the most time with us, who is the most supportive of us? When these questions come I am hoping to come back with "Unfortunately our venue is reserved for 40 and that was booked by most of our family but we are hoping to have a celebration with everyone later on". Even if the later party isn't going to happen.
Thanks ladies. :)
The whole things is just so crazy to me that I totally feel like it has to be me. I mean like, this can't be normal? It's just so much drama for no reason?
For the girl who is bringing a date that we would prefer not be there and she was not given a +1, she is going to know EVERYONE at the wedding which is why we didn't think it would be a big deal. She also keeps going on and onabout how my wedding is really just a college reunion for her, so it's not like she is afraid of being alone? Which that is weird too, because if i could count the number of times ive heard about how this is really her party....woosah.. Its to the point i just duck her calls and then i feel guilty. The only thing I can figure a little... and this is so so awful to say but this is anonymous so hopefully it's okay...is that she kind of drinks a bit more... And she gets really upset when people don't want to keep going with her. And so maybe that is why she wants a date, so she has someone to kind of keep going with when everyone else wants to end the night? Please don't think I'm saying that to be like super mean or something...it's just it is also something that had caused a problem in the past when we would go out together, and she would want to stay out til like 6-8am, and I'm like thinking about work at 9:30? And then we had a falling out about it because I just couldn't do that on like a Tuesday or something, and she blamed FI. We were really close in high school, then sort of caught up again and hung out, but once she started drinking more and I got with FI and she got with a string of bad guys, it just sort of emphasized that we are different. And I felt soo bad. And so we stayed "friends" and snice we know so many of the same people coming to the wedding, she absolutely had to be invited. So then you add in the other stuff, and it's just really uncomfortable.
As for the girl who insists on wearing white, she sent me like the palest of the pale champagne colored/blushy colored dress, and asked about if that would be okay. Then she sent me and all the bridesmaids a pic of sparkly glitter shoes in silver....when my shoes are the exact same style but silver Swarovski? So then one of the bridesmaids responded "cute! You should totally get those for your wedding!" 
I'm just so grateful for what you guys said that she would just look dumb for wearing white anyways. I would never do that...but when my MoH said I couldn't get upset I thought maybe it was just a rule I made in my head lol
Im hoping that the guests who are uninvited but have invited themselves will just blend in.... I really don't want to exclude them since we can afford it (thankfully....), it's just I feel like I wish they would have honored what we asked. But we really do want everyone to have a good time, and have what we want too.
Who are these people?! Seriously...who wears a white dress to a wedding when you're NOT the bride? It's really nice that she changed it up a bit though.
And the +1 girl...wouldn't it just be nice if we didn't always have to deal with them? We all have a friend like that and I just wonder how on earth that happened haha. I'm sure it'll all work out just peachy :)
My friend and hairdresser (who did all of our hair on my wedding day) was also a guest at our wedding. She turned up at the ceremony wearing a white dress.... what the? What is wrong with people??!! Utterly disrespectful and to be honest I've never looked at her in a good light again.
It's obviously upsetting you a lot and you have every right to be upset, it's YOUR special day, not hers. Imo I'd be asking her to reconsider wearing her dress or tell her not to come. She doesn't seem to care less about your feelings.
With the uninvited, we really all do have problems with people like that. We had problems with people who RSVP'd and then didn't turn up!! All six of them! Maybe just try to let it slide and don't give them the attention that they're obviously seeking. Focus on eachother and you'll have the most magical day ever:)
There are some people that no matter what want to push buttons. Your friend that wants to wear a dress that she got in a wedding sale is one of them. I think your best bet is to be really direct with her and say that its rude for people to wear white anything close to white to a wedding. You can kind of play it off like, " a lot of people don't know that but people will look at you funny so don't do it."
As for the second girl you should really be direct with her. If she showed poor judgment about the company she keeps and interacts with people that use slurs loosely then I'd have no problem bringing that up to her like, "The las time you brought a date he called my husband an N-word. You need to make sure this date doesn't do anything remotely close to that or you and he will be asked to leave.
Don't beat around the bush with these people. Be direct. I can't think of anything worse than someone insulting my FI on my wedding day.
Finally, another guest then had no problem letting me know in no uncertain terms that she was planning on wearing a white one-shoulder short dress from The Limited's wedding collection because "well your dress isn't one shoulder, so it should be fine". I tried saying "Since the ceremony is so small and intimate, we are really hoping that everyone can wear darker shades to make it feel cozy and romantic." And she is like "Well, I already bought it, and it was expensive."
Omg...I had this happen to me. I got shown a pic on facebook of her in the dress and was told well its not white its cream! I agree its total common sense you don't wear anything even CLOSE to the brides wedding dress color, its just not done. I and my bridesmaids nipped that one in the bud early on, and made it clear that dress was inappropriate. She tried to say "I already bought it, why didn't you tell me before" which she bought it before I even knew about it...but its all smoothed over now so just stay firm and find an etiquette wedding link or pamphlets to pass around to EVERYONE before the wedding. :3 If they don't know things they should be taught!
"I can't tell people who they can bring or what they can wear to my wedding"
Actually, you can. Your wedding, your day. Call up the girl who brings racist dates and recind the invitation for the plus one. "I hate to do this, but we're having a total guest list emergency? You understand, right?" Your fiance should not have to use his groomsmen as bouncers.
As for the woman wearing white, point blank tell her that's not appropriate. "But The Limited dress was expensive!" "So was my wedding." Also, the wedding collection at The Limited is not terribly expensive. I was really close to buying a dress from it for the rehearsal dinner (tea length) and it was $49. Other dresses are up to $150.
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FI and I have a small guest list...like 50 people...for our destination wedding (which for a DW I think is a pretty fair size!). We know that only about 35 are coming since some family members are just much much older and wanted the invitation more as like a "keepsake". We really have just very very close friends and family coming.
So anyways, a bunch of people have just like "assumed" that they were going to be invited when we got engaged. So then when they weren't they were sort of pissy about it or shocked. One of my guests wrote on my facebook wall about her dress that she was wearing, and one of the "not invited" (who mind you, I haven't seen in like...7 years) wrote "I've always wanted to wear black to a wedding...sigh..." FI has said that people have said things to him too like "Why haven't I gotten my invitation yet?" One GUY even booked his trip to our wedding without an invitation (Um, what?)...
We also wrote which people could bring guests and which couldn't. We allowed ALL significant others, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. However, we didn't want people just bringing a date "just because" since it is so small. Of course, one person who we specifically did NOT want to bring a guest is now bringing a guest who we have never met, and really just don't want to be there (FI is really irked since this girl has a history of pulling stuff like this all the time, and she always brings guys who are completely inappropriate. Her last "date" called him by the N-word. Um. So yeah, we are worried).
So now I feel like I'm totally being a huge B because I'm upset about it. I don't want to be all bridezilla about it, but come on this is our wedding too. I'm trying to just ignore this girl's comment, and the guy who like just decided he was coming we just added to the list and wrote it off like we had sent him an invite and just sent it out after the fact. And as for the girl who is now bringing a date, all the groomsmen are on standby to keep this guy away from my FI if he turns out to be a bit racist or an A$$hole.
Finally, another guest then had no problem letting me know in no uncertain terms that she was planning on wearing a white one-shoulder short dress from The Limited's wedding collection because "well your dress isn't one shoulder, so it should be fine". I tried saying "Since the ceremony is so small and intimate, we are really hoping that everyone can wear darker shades to make it feel cozy and romantic." And she is like "Well, I already bought it, and it was expensive."
I'm so nervous and upset about all of the above I could just cry. I haven't done anything yet besides whine to my MOH and ask FI if I am being unreasonable, to which he says "No" because of course he is irked about all of this too. MOH says I just have to deal with it since there's nothing I can do about it, and I can't tell people who they can bring or what they can wear to my wedding. I thought since we didn't allow the one girl a guest it was fine, but now we can't stop her. And we can't ask someone to wear dark colors and not white, so now I feel like I'm being totally irrational for being irked and like a huge B.
Thanks for letting me vent.