Post # 1
I’m getting married October 10 in CT (soon!) Our ceremony is a non-religious one with a friend as our officiant and a justice of the peace to officially marry us (it’s required in the state of CT). We LOVE her but when I mentioned white gourds with little silver ribbons down the aisle (I am hoping that there will be leaves on the ground) she said “Hmm, I don’t think so. You don’t want anything to detract from you and having something white would do that”
Uhh, what about aisle runners, white petals, or my white gourds? Do you think that they will detract from my “entrance”? I figure people will see them as they sit down way before they see me? We are not having a harvest theme or autumn colors so i’m not doing orange, green or yellow.
Post # 3
Do what you want! Is your JOP a close friend, is that why she’s giving you advice? But…she has been to many weddings, she may have a point…Maybe set up a few just to see what it would look like? Honestly, I don’t feel like white gourds on the ground will take away from a beautiful bride walking down the isle, but tha’ts just me!
Post # 4
I’m not sure why a JOP feels she needs togive you decor advice. Unless having gourds in Ct during a wedding ceremony is a misdemeanor….
But littlebug has a point. Perhaps she’s seen it before and is sharing her thoughts. Yeah, try a mock up or something ans see how you like it./ And really if you don’t care if other things have white, (or if that is purposely the look you’re going for) then she shouldn’t be that concerned.
Post # 5
I like Tanya123’s suggestion of trying a mock-up to see what you think. I know some people are concerned with having no other white (other than the bride’s dress), but I think it can make the decor really neat and clean. We used a lot of ivory in our decor and I loved the look. Also, ultimately, this is just your JOP so if she doesn’t like it, you don’t have to listen to her.
Post # 6
thanks everyone. I don’t know the JOP, we are planning from afar so we had to make a decision over the phone. I think it’s just personal taste or her ideas about weddings. I wanted to see if anyone else felt strange or had heard that having white down the aisle was distracting although I already thought that it was kind of silly when I thought about aisle runners.
Oddly enough, I just got an email from her saying that she didn’t know how involved it was going to be (the ceremony was going to be shorter, she wouldn’t be coaching our friend who is the officiant) and that she needs to charge more money. I can’t believe how rude that is. I’ve spoken to her three times and we already planned out the ceremony. I told her in the first conversation over a month ago exactly what we needed – nothing has changed. It’s only $50 more but it (excuse me) pisses me off because I’m cornered. I don’t have time to find someone else to marry us legally.
She can have the $50 but I am keeping my gourds!
Post # 7
pinwheelspoprocks, do you have a contract with your JP? She should have known what she was getting into, and shouldn’t be trying to nickel and dime you now because it’s not what she expected. I’ve done weddings where it was a lot more work than I thought it was going to be… like having a rehearsal two hours away from me when I had already agreed to attend… but I would never ask to charge extra money for something like.. extra work, especially if you were up front with what you wanted in the first place.
Post # 8
@jessieblum: no I don’t have a contract with her. I spoke with my DOC and she said that most JOPs that do civil ceremonies come in and read by the book. However if I outlined what we were looking for (and I most certainly did) and we agreed to work together at her quoted price, it really concerns me that she’s asking for money now. As my mother said when a florist told me why her prices were so expensive even though they don’t deliver or set up and she said “weddings are stressful!”, my mom said “I wish I could get paid more for days that are stressful”
I am really torn because I love her personality and she really helped us put together the ceremony (a 15 minute call but a much needed one). I could tell she was pushing to have the ceremony shorter, another yellow flag. “Oh this is getting a big long” “Most people do this” “People will lose interest” She also said that we should consider having our three year old ring bearer walk down the aisle with our 6 year old flower girl so that he doesn’t get scared or run to mom (who’s in the wedding party). I haven’t agreed with any of these items. I think a three year old can walk down the aisle alone. It’s only 80 people. He’s a trooper and the flowergirl will be right in front of him.
My reservation is 1. making another change now so close to the wedding and looking for another vendor when I still have a ton to do from across the country and 2. our officiant (friend) has some medical issues and I worry about making a change that will make him feel like things are always changing.
I think I am answering my own question. Perhaps I should have phone interviews with other JOPs and then make a decision?
Post # 9
Totally not what you asked, but 3 years old is pushing it to walk the aisle by himself. Unless he is VERY outgoing.
Post # 10
pinwheelspoprocks, I think you answered your own question. It’s not too soon on the JP or officiant’s end, it’s just an availability issue (I do completely custom wedding ceremonies, which take quite a bit more work than just reading from a book, as most JPs do, and I just booked an awesome ceremony for the weekend of your wedding a few days ago).
If you don’t have a contract, why not give some people a call, and see if there is somewhere out there? I also think it’s weird how negative she is being about your wedding.. for example, if a bride told me they want their three year old ring bearer to walk down the aisle alone – I would offer some suggestions (be open to having mom walk him down if he gets nervous, probably suggest the flower girl walking with him), but I’m not going to tell you how your wedding is going to be.
I know it’s not something you can change now, but you shoudl sign contracts with anyone involved with anything in your ceremony. You want to have some form of a legal foot to stand on if, God forbid, they decided not to show up.
Post # 11
yikes, changing prices and dictating how the ceremony will go? That would completely make me nervous too. I hope it all works out for you but as for the gourds – I saw go for it!
Post # 12
i guess she’s upping her price because she’s coordinating the decor too, haha!
i would really look for someone else. i was at a wedding one time that the jop didnt show up, and we found another one in about 20 mins who came and did a fabulous job. you have time!