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Im having my two older brothers as they are not in the wedding party. They dont talk to each other tho as they had a rift. But they were polite enough at my brothers wedding on the weekend, this is when i considered having them as ushers. :) or I was going to include one to be a witness in signing of the documents instead of my MOH doing it. That way, hes involved :)
Our plan is to ask two more male friends who would be groomsmen if we were having a larger wedding party. They also happen to be brothers (and the sons of our officiant--figure it out yet? ;) and thus we figured they either both needed to be included or neither one, and this was a good way to do that without expanding the "actual" wedding party. They also know all the groomsmen and will have a fun time hanging out with them! We hope to use them to of course seat people, but also to orchestrate the "flip" from ceremony to reception (moving the chairs and bringing in the cocktail tables that will go where the ceremony chairs were).
With that said, I think they could be any combination of male friends or family. I think a couple of cousins is a great idea!
@sapphirebride That sounds like it will be a very fun addition to the grooms-posse. :) I think I'm jealous, they're going to have fun.
Well I proposed the asking-the-cousins idea to FI this evening and he's not super enthused, since he's not close at all to his cousin. (I'm not close to mine either). But we hung out with his cousin a good bit over Thanksgiving and he's very laid-back and fun so I think he'd be fine. Most of FI's friends from back east are ones he hasn't been in touch with lately so it would feel a little odd to ask them, plus we have no idea if they'll make the trip out, and most of his friends around here he has only known a couple of years since we moved here. Not that there would be anything wrong with asking friends from either of the above groups, I'm sure some of his local friends would be happy to help.
Wait maybe I could ask *my* friends from back east. They'd do it I bet.
Maybe I'll ask my mom for her suggestions.
Thanks to those who filled in the poll!
I think it also could definitely be an opportunity to ask some of your friends. At the same time, I don't think it matters if you're close to the cousins or not...I think most family members are honored to help in any way that they can. And you definitely want people that you know are going to be able to make it.
We are having FI's brother, FI's brother-in-law, my brother, and 2 of my cousins. If we have a 6th since I have 6 bridesmaids then he is going to ask one of his good friends.
we are having 3 of FI's friends be ushers..these guys would have been groomsmen otherwise but i wanted a small bridal party.
Our groomsmen will be our ushers. His brother will help to usher only and my brother will walk my mom down the aisle. That's it.
I feel like an idiot asking this question, but what is the difference between groomsmen and ushers? Don't the groomsmen user tha guests in?
I always thought that one of the responsibilities of the groomsmen was to also serve as ushers. I imagine we will just have 2 of our groomsmen (who are not the best man) do the ushering.
My FI's cousin is one usher. I Am still trying to figure out another one.
Am I wrong in thinking that the groomsmen (other than the best man) can be used as ushers? Almost all the weddings that I have been to over the years, that's what people have done.
i'm sure the groomsmen can be ushers. i've never seen this in a wedding but you can do whatever you want :)
The weddings i have seen, and how our wedding will be, is the groomsmen will be in the front of the church, like by the altar (but in a room, not seen), meanwhile guests are arriving and the 3 ushers will be at the entrance of the church, taking guests to their seats. Just before the start of the ceremony my FI and his groomsmen will walk out to the altar where they wait for the processional to begin...my bridesmaids will walk alone down the aisle and me with my dad.
@krissybee- Thanks for the clarification! For my wedding the groomsmen will arrive an hour early and will escort the guests to their seats. Only the groom and BM will be at the alter.
@roxy- hey sure thing! i think thats a great idea and will work out nicely. Do the groomsmen then escort your bridesmaids down the aisle?
I think I need clarification. I have a very close male friend who my fiance doesn't want as a groomsmen (since he's not HIS friend) and I want a way to include him. What all would an usher be responsible for? Clothes they would wear (same as groomsmen?) What do you do with them once the ceremony starts-- do they stand up anywhere, or just take a seat like a regular guest?
I don't mean to thread hijack. I've been reading around and am still confused.
@Bunny- I grabbed this text from the wedding channel.com that can clarify the two better. Again, i think you can create and define your own definitions and what you want your friend responsible for as an usher. For me, i think the ushers may just wear their own suits and the groomsmen will wear suits that FI picks out for them. (But i have been to weddings where they all match)..its up to you :) Our ushers will then sit (at the front), but not stand with the groomsmen. Our catholic ceremony will be long (about an hour with communion), so the bridal party will be sitting at times along with the ushers too...at the first and second pews.
"An usher's main role is to greet and seat guests as they arrive at the ceremony. He’ll hand out programs, know where reserved seating is, distribute guests (bride’s on the left, groom’s on the right), and assist late arrivals so they can be seated as inconspicuously as possible. In addition to seating guests, ushers seat family members in the correct order right before the processional. They also light the candles for a candlelit ceremony, and roll out the aisle runner before the processional begins.
A groomsman, on the other hand, stands up for the groom during the ceremony. He may also be asked to also serve as an usher at a small wedding. Both groomsmen and ushers are invited to all of the prewedding fun, including the bachelor party, rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner."
We are having our great friend from the UK Dave be one of our users. We also asked my best friends bf to be the other usher. I may ask my sister's bf to be an usher too.
I decided that the groomsmen don't have enough to do before the wedding other than try to keep their tuxes looking neat and orderly, so they will be in charge of seating the guests. :)
@Bunny2010: ushers typically dress in similar attire to the groomsmen and are in charge of escorting your guests in. Usually once they are done they sit just like any other guest and then dismiss the guests by aisle.
Thanks ladies for helping clear this up :) I think I'm definitely going to ask him... it's more of a working guest kind of role, but at least this way he'll be invited to the rehearsal and everything.
We're just having our groomsmen help out. It's an outdoor ceremony and there's programs. That's pretty much all there is to do.
I'm glad I started this thread, it sounds like there is a fair deal of confusion and curiosity about this topic.
I've never seen groomsmen serve as ushers, but one could certainly go that way. I think the big downside to that would be that you usually want the groomsmen to process in with the bridesmaids so they can stand at the front with the couple, and this would leave no one in charge of quietly seating late-comers. As far as their attire, I would ask them to wear nice suits. If you can afford to budget for tuxes or suits for them that coordinate with the groomsmen, that's great, but I wouldn't ask them to pay for tux rentals themselves.
There are a couple of FI's friends whom he would have made groomsmen if we'd had a larger wedding party, but since we are for all intents and purposes having a destination wedding (all members of both families, plus the majority of friends, will be flying across the country*), there's the unknown factor of whether they'll be able to make it. Looks like we have some investigative work to do before making this decision.
*Re-reading that sentence just made me cringe; so much for the dream of a green wedding. Maybe we should register for carbon offsets instead of china.
Two of my cousins are going to be our ushers. I am close to both of them, but FI wasn't close enough to have them in the bridal party- so I'm including them as ushers and my other cousin is going to be our pianist.
I had 8 groomsmen so all of them were ushers. I also have a 2 family members help out.
We're involving my brother in our wedding by having him act as our usher and reader.
We'll use one of my fiance's cousins to usher his mom down the aisle, but my brother has the honor of walking my mom down.
we're having our groomsmen double as ushers. less people to have to keep on schedule on the big day :)
Can someone please offer insight -- is there a problem/downside to having the groomsmen serve as ushers? I am not sure if we have more guys left who FI is super close to who are not in the wedding party already...
@Gemstone The only downside I can think of to having the groomsmen serve as ushers is that there would be no one to seat the latecomers, as the groomsmen will have already processed to the front of the ceremony. Hopefully there won't be any latecomers though, right? ;)
ok so we are using a close cousin of mine and one of his brothers.... our groomsmen are wearing white tuxes and the ushers are wearing white tuxedo jackets with black pants... as far as their role they are in charge of seating important people we aren't going to have sides in that my family is much larger than his and we don't want it to look uneven
FI really wants to spend the time before the ceremony with "the fellas", so we are having three ushers in addition to our three groomsmen. One is FI's cousin and the other two are his good friends.
We decided to skip ushers. I feel like they're really only necessary for a more formal event and our guests can just sit wherever they like! No "brides side" and "grooms side" for us! It's all OUR side! :-)
@amanda.lynn We're skipping the bride's side/groom's side thing too, I know that most of our guests are so involved in both of our lives that they wouldn't have any idea which side to sit on.
As I said, I'd never heard of using groomsmen as ushers before, so as such I've never thought about it, but my thinking at this point is that FI will really appreciate having the support and camaraderie of his best friends by his side during the 30 minutes or so before the wedding. I wouldn't want him to be by himself during that time, he'd work himself into an anxious mess. Plus you know, they can keep him from running away, right? :)
Our groomsmen will be doing double duty as ushers also. Atleast two of them. Probably my brother and one of his.
We decided to keep the bridal party down to just ask our groomsmen to play the role of usher also. My brother will be walking my grandma. My dad will walk my mom (he's not a groomsmen-but mom, dad, and bro will be lighting memory candles for my deceased grandparents) His brother will walk his mom, His BestMan will be walking his grandmother. Everyone except BestMan will be asked to help people to their seats and I want people placed evenly (I HATE uneven sides). His little cousins will be our guestbook attendants and candle lighters.
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We've had our wedding party firmed up for a while, but I'm only just now giving thought to who we should ask to be ushers. My first thought was to make two of my cousins ushers, one of whom is 26 and the other will be 21, but it looks like the 21-year-old won't be attending. I could still ask the 26-year-old and then ask FI's 21-year-old cousin to be the other usher, since we are pretty sure he is attending. I'm curious about all of you guys, how did you decide who would be your ushers? Not the most glorious job in the wedding for sure, but an important one, and of course it can be a nice way to honor somebody who wasn't necessarily expecting to be involved!