Post # 1
I’m having a small wedding party – it will only be my sister and my FI’s brother standing up with us. We’re going to have two flower girls.
Are most of you including your mother and Future Mother-In-Law in your wedding day prep? I’m also considering asking a few of my girlfriends to come by just to hang out to keep me from stressing out too much…
Just wondeirng what the norm is – my Fiance thought that I shouldn’t be making arrangments for anyone – this may be true, but the stylist had a minimum of 4 people so I thoguht it might be nice to include the moms to make them feel special and involved…unfortunately it’s turned into a big discussion – which is exactly what I wanted to avoid.
The longer story is that my Future Mother-In-Law wanted me to include some other members of her family that will be guests at the wedding, but aren’t really involved in anything. I did my best to explain to her that I wanted to keep it small in order to keep the stress down, but it wasn’t effective. I have tried so many ways to better communicate with Future Mother-In-Law, but I still haven’t been able to break the cycle of frustration…ugh…I feel like I can’t win and always turn out looking like a crazy bridezilla just because I stress about accommodating everyone.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
Man that sucks so much! Could Fiance talk to her to get it through her head that you wanted a stressless morning?
Post # 4
@tranquility: When I told my Fiance about this, he got livid and was ready to call his mom to yell at her. I really didn’t want things to go down taht way, so I make him promise not to discuss it with her and that she and I would work it out eventually.
Post # 5
Maybe you can go with her on a lunch date and just expain to her that you only want a few people with you on the day of the wedding to keep it calm and intimate.
Maybe with just the two of you together talking about it, she will understand.
Post # 6
I would talk to her. I am getting ready with my mom and my bridesmaids (4 of them). Future Mother-In-Law is not even invited!
Post # 7
All my BMs and I are staying in a cabin on the venue’s grounds the night before, so we will be getting ready together in there! 🙂
I don’t think there is any “right” way, I think inviting your mothers to be part of it sounds awesome! I don’t see why you should invite other random guests though. Just explain that you don’t want THAT many people the morning of because it will be more stressful. That is definitely not a bridezilla-like request.
Post # 8
I had my bridesmaids and both moms with me. We had a huge suite in the hotel and had the hair and make up people come there. My dad brought in breakfast and lunch and all the ladies just sort of came and went as they pleased if it wasn’t their appointment time. The nice thing for me was that my maid of honor had the room right next door to me. So I had some where quite I could go alone or with her if I wanted to get away from all the people.
I do think my Mother-In-Law really appreciated being included though. But she would have never dreamed to invite additional people to come with her. That’s weird…
Post # 9
I’m just getting ready with my fiance for this exact reason. I know it wouldn’t be for many people who want their appearance to be a surprise, but for me it’s all about eliminating stress. I love my parents and his, but they don’t always relax me, so I just felt this would be the most enjoyable for me.
At the same time, including some of them in your preparations is the sociable thing to do. Sometimes I worry this makes me seem kind of standoffish, but then I consider the stress involved with making sure I have everything I need to relocate and get ready and spending the night somewhere away from home and I heave a big sigh of relief.
In other words, you’re being nice already to offer to include them. Just explain that you don’t want to take too long getting ready to be courteous to your wedding guests and so you want to keep the amount of people sharing space to a minimum.
Post # 10
Thanks for all of the advice! I definitely need to improve on my communication with her, my approach is obviously not working.
My sister will have a room right next to ours, so that is a good idea to go there when I need a break. I like the idea of having the important women in my life involved – but I also really like the idea of having somewhere to escape to…preferably a place with some champagne…
I really wouldn’t mind one extra person, but I just know how things go with Future Mother-In-Law – she’s already invited 8 of her friends to our wedding without checking with anyone. So…I think if I give an inch, she’ll take a mile. I have a theory that since she’s the mother of 2 boys, she just doesn’t understand my perspective on things.
I have been doing my best to stay above whatever non-Emily Post behavior that’s being exhibited by my Future Mother-In-Law because I think she just really has no clue that she’s causing this stress.
I’m glad I have the bee’s to air my frustrations – if I didn’t, I might not be able to rise above these sort of etiquitte issues.
Post # 11
I will be getting ready with all my Bridesmaids, my mother, my flowergirl ( who is my 2 yr old daughter), and probably my grandmother. Im not sure if my Future Mother-In-Law will be there or not I guess I never thought about that. She is the florist so Im sure she will be super busy anyway! However, if she wants to be there thats fine. We rented a condo for that morning which is at the same place were getting married so we will have the hair stylists and makeup artist there as well!